Everyone Seems To Be Getting Dumber

New Girl, S01E18

Jess' romance with Russel continues with a bang!  Just kidding. It starts off with a hearty pat on the back, which leads Jess to wonder what Russel's attraction was to her in the first place.  Cece and Schmidt struggle for dominance in their relationship, but ultimately have to decide to become public about their relationship.  Winston finds out that a little space from Shelby is more than he can bear.  And the best story of all (please know that I am joking), Nick fawns over his old law school buddy who is the "smartest guy he knows." I was underwhelmed by each of these stories.

I just have to say right away that Cece and Schmidt need to finally come out the closet (or the trunk) about their relationship.  If it wasn't for border control or customs or whatever finding the two naked in back of Schmidt's car, I'm pretty sure Cece would continue to fight tooth and nail to hide her "shame."  I'm over them sneaking around since it's pretty clear that Cece can't stay away from Schmidt, so there's no point to keep everyone in the dark.  I think that Winston's response to finding out their secret was funny, though.  His eyes in the rear-view mirror were like he was going to run them off the road.  He looked crazy.  But I guess the idea of someone as hot as Cece addicted to someone as disgusting as Schmidt, is a good sign that the world has turned upside.

Speaking of Winston being crazy--he actually told Shelby that he thought some space would be good for them?  He has to be out of his mind!  They had like a one-night stand, I believe, and he randomly called her again after the longest time and got lucky that she thought he was worth the time for a real relationship.  Winston should be on his knees every day thanking the powers above that a decent girl (and damn cute) would want him.  Glad he came to his senses, and Shelby missed him as much as he missed her.  That moron is so lucky.  I wanted to slap his peanut head.

So perhaps Jess wasn't dumber than usual in this episode, but her relationship with Russel sure seemed to have lost steam since the last time.  We all knew she would have those awkward conversations (talking about guys having to "dig for her gold" was one of her gems last night), but I didn't think that their date would end up being so boring.  It wasn't just the pat on her back after it ended--it was just that we only got to listen to Jess babble on about increasingly more inappropriate things and almost nothing on his end.  Sure, Russel is handsome for a man of his age, but he can't win me over as a good match for Jess on his looks alone.

Later, after Jess took Cece's advice to ask Russel out for a change of pace, the same thing happened again.  Jess steered the conversation toward things that suggested he was much older than her before he had to run out of their date because of an emergency phone call (it turned out to be about his daughter).  Again, he didn't say much at all, and it looks like a non-date.  After that, I was pretty over him dating Jess.  Regardless that at the little college mixer that was going on in their apartment Russel arrived to tell her that he was indeed just nervous and off his game, I didn't care about them together anymore.  I felt nothing when they had their first kiss (except that Dirk was freaky and creepy with his hand on her thigh).

While I viewed the Jess and Russel coupling as exciting as dry toast, I watched Nick sink even lower into "Moron Town," by showing us that "the smartest guy he knows" is a jackass named Dirk.  Dirk was beyond obnoxious and had the intelligence of mashed peas, but somehow Nick kept praising him at every turn.  Really, Nick?  This is your idea of a genius??  What were the other students like that he went to law school with?  I'm starting to doubt that his school was a real school at all, if someone like Dirk was around.  Nick was man-crushing on Dirk a little too hard, I thought.  Especially when he demonstrated to Winston what happens when you ask a girl for space, and Nick nearly had his head on Dirk's shoulder.  I couldn't help but giggle at that, despite Nick was hanging on Dirk's every stupid word.

So Nick was making out with college girls who thought he was cool because he could mix a drink, and Jess was dating a guy with so little swagger he was putting me to sleep.  What?  Why can't we just have Nick and Jess together instead!  I don't want to see either on the dating paths they are going down at the moment.  Stop the madness and start steering these two together!

On another note, I did laugh when Nick had to puke in Russel's car and he was hugging Russel.  Before leading Nick to the grass where he could expel the "poison" he told him gently:

OK, we can hug some more later.

Loved that.  I bet Nick, drunk or sober, would have gladly hugged him some more later.  Nick gets pretty insane when he's drunk, but it's hilarious.  You gotta love him shouting out for everyone when the car was right behind him.  His drunk behind even called Dirk to ask where they were.  Nick, you are so sad, but definitely my favorite character on the show.

Next time better signal the end to Cece and Schmidt fooling around behind everyone's backs (hope Winston doesn't keep quiet about it), and Russel better lay on the romance thick quick, or I'm going to get pissed.  I want Jess and Nick together so bad; if Jess (or Nick) isn't dating someone of equal or better character, I'm not having it.