Andy Is Kind Of A Sicko

Cougar Town, S03E01

 I didn't have an episode of New Girl to enjoy this week, so I hoped that Tuesday night's void might be lessened by some of the wackiness up in ol' Cougar Town (actually, what city in Florida does it take place?). Such was not meant to be.  Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a shipwreck, but it wasn't as great as it could have been.

Why?  Well, for one, Travis got hurt, which meant we had to listen to him whine for a bit and watch Jules mother him even more than she usually does.  The only good thing about them going to the hospital was that we learned that no one in their gang knows one damn thing about Tom besides that he lives in their neighborhood.  He was a doctor whom no one knew even his last name!  This is the first episode I felt like they were the jerks, and anything creepy Tom did he could get a free pass.

Besides learning how much of a background character Tom was not only to us but to his fellow characters, we also learned that Andy has been regularly spying on Grayson.  It's times like this that I'm reminded that Andy isn't just an awkward and childish man, but he's also creepy and evil (torturing Grayson about his dwindling affection from Jules).  His ultimate man-crush is unquestionable Bobby, but now I'm starting to think that if he were given the opportunity, he might get into Grayson's pants too.  Seriously, who watches someone so consistently from their own window and comes into his fiancee's house to watch him?  Granted all of the gang just comes and goes as they please, but they usually don't hide behind chairs.

Given that Andy is someone I would cross a street to avoid, he was right about how much Grayson wanted a little loving from Jules, and it showed in humorous ways.  It's funny how Grayson used to be so cold, but now he can start rubbing Andy's shoulders without stopping himself right away.  Andy was a little more into it than he needed to be, going back to what I was saying before about him.

That gag with the dogs...  I'm not an animal person so it just pissed me off.  It was funny in the sense that it was cute, but it wasn't funny in the sense that I laughed.  And whose dogs were those?  Do they just all gather there at the park all day long?

There wasn't much Ellie time in this episode, sadly.  However, she did manage to squeeze out one good line:

I miss being a ho.

 Laurie welcomes her back anytime.  Ha.

When are we going to see more of Demon Baby Stan??  He's probably my new favorite character.  If not, the Ellie supply needs to be higher and the coddling-Travis time needs to be way down.  And Jules didn't even get crazy this episode, now that I think about it.  We need that!  Next week better have a better ratio of these things I just mentioned.

Who Cares About Caroline's Birthday?

2 Broke Girls, S01E18

Mainly because this was a Caroline-centered episode, I didn't particularly like it.  It was her birthday, and she hooked up with a pretty fine web designer.  Just like the party that Max planned with pretty much only balloons as decorations, there were some things lacking this week.

What comes to mind is that there wasn't enough Sophie.  Her best moment was when she was eating a cupcake and ogling Caroline and the hottie making out.  We've also come to expect her to reject Oleg for a good minute or two, and this time she barely had a few seconds to send him an insult.  Dang.  And there was no interaction between she and Earl this time.  Double-dang!  The fact that she hooked up with Oleg was almost gross except that Oleg thankfully didn't go around bragging about it in the nastiest way possible.  Dodged a bullet there.  I wonder if that will be the end of their fooling around or will it progress beyond just "hand stuff."

It was also pretty predictable that the reason Caroline didn't want to celebrate her birthday was because she wouldn't be able to spend it with her dad.  When isn't it about her dad??  Like, there needs to be a limit to how much of a daddy's girl she is.  It's getting a little annoying.  We did get to see a glimpse of him, but I wasn't straining my eyes (or going back a few seconds) to see what he really looked like.  It's not really that important to the story.

If I have to be truthful, besides the extremely ghetto lady with the dreads, my favorite thing about Monday's story was the Capri Suns.  I love these and when Max said that she was going to have them at the party, I totally thought she was joking.  But they were all drinking them!  And Oleg's call for all the party members to "raise their capri to the sun" was excellent.  Seriously, back in the day I used to drink those things like water and inhale them as quickly as air.  This episode didn't have much to offer, but I respect a good shout-out to my favorite portable drink.

I wonder what kind of business they will get after that website is up and running.  I'm hoping that whatever mishap it will bring will be up to my standards.  A reference to Capri Suns can only get you so far.

How I Was Bored For Half An Hour

How I Met Your Mother, S07E18

Hard to say what I liked about this week's episode.  There were a lot of disappointing things that happened.  The most disheartening was that Quinn turned out to be a stripper at a bar that Barney and Ted frequented.  I didn't want it to be really easy for him to get the only non-Robin girl he's seemed to like since Nora, but come on--a stripper??  Really??  I guess I have a soft spot for Barney ever since Robin stepped on his heart and wiped it off like a piece of gum against a sidewalk edge.  Quinn was so charming when she wasn't working; in this episode she was just a manipulative tease.  They have to show us her better side next week.  Even if it was Barney being tricked out of 100s of dollars, you couldn't be that hard-skinned to cheer Quinn on.

The next disappointing issue was that Ted was lamenting Robin's disappearance.  I know Ted, and I know he's not really the type to get over things as quickly as he should, but this was ridiculous.  Barbecuing and doing pottery in Robin's empty room?? And seeing visions of her that he talked to??  Ted is a mess.  Maybe this show should be called "How I Met My Therapist" and he should get a little help.  However, that might just lead him to start dating his therapist like a certain Canadian we know.  The best thing that came about Ted's insanity was that he moved out of that horrible apartment and gave it back to Lily and Marshall.  Not only does that leave the possibility of Ted truly starting anew with some interesting consequences, but it brings Lily and Marshall back in the city.  As much as I understand their need to raise their child in an environment that's suburban, for the sake of the show, they need to not be so separated from the others!  They really haven't had any grin-glued-to-your-face moments since they moved to that house.

That leads me to my final disappointment that Lily and Marshall's version of the "suburban cult" wasn't that funny at all.  You would think with a couple as crazy as them holding one of their best friends captive that it would be creepily amusing.  It had very faint moments of "oh, that's kinda good," but nothing to really report about.  I'm glad that Lily and Marshall revealed that they didn't like it out there as they made it seem.  The house was nice and all, but like I said before, we need them in the city if the show is going to have some of their trademark off-the-wall nuttiness.  

I suppose next week, I'm anticipating what "adventure" Ted may have started now that he isn't haunting his old apartment.  I won't expect much from the Quinn and Barney love story.  I'm a little less enthused about their coupling, so they are going to have to win me over again with some scenes that prove their chemistry.  And lastly, Marshall and Lily better have reclaimed their spot in the middle of the HIMYM madness.  The show, after all, works best when it's a story that ties them all together.

Nick Battles For Monroe's Life

Grimm, S01E12

Well, I didn't think last Friday's Grimm would be as exciting as the last episode, but it wasn't too bad.  Nick and Hank discover a gladiator-type arena in an abandoned warehouse after a couple is found murdered in their house.  It turns out that these death fights are between the creatures.  I thought that would be a little more thrilling, but it was only interesting in the sense that it was an unusual situation.

Before I get into the arena stuff, it was revealed in this episode that Nick and Juliette were celebrating their 3rd anniversary.  After they have an "inspiring" conversation about what their special dinner would be, Juliette finds an engagement ring in Nick's sock drawer.  Is he an idiot?  If you're not doing your own laundry, you should think of a much more creative place to hide it.  I mean he is a detective, you'd think that he'd have experience with finding things and knowing which spots were the best for doing so.  Juliette was really touched by finding it, but after Nick misses their dinner, she takes the ring again and seems to be having second thoughts.  I understand that he missed an important day, but he's a cop.  How is it that she hasn't understood yet that he will miss things because of his job?  I mean, isn't she a doctor?  Surely she has missed some important days as well.  I thought that was a little petty of her.

The parole officer of their main suspect, Demetri, is the leader of these fights and surprisingly is an acquaintance of the captain.  We keep getting some of his shady background, but we don't know what it means yet.  This guy even called the captain "highness," and it's not clear whether he was being sarcastic or not.  The best thing about this secret connection between the two was that the captain told him to put an end to it, and the guy basically told him to screw off.  So the captain goes to confession to alert some kind of secret, creature assassin he has.  I loved how the captain showed up in the end, after nick had put a stop to the gladiator business, and had the guy killed.  So what in the hell is his connection to other creatures??  Obviously he has some "friends" in that realm and has relation to reapers.  This episode only made me confused about the mystery surrounding him.  I'm going to need them to hurry up clear that mystery before it gets any bigger.

My favorite thing about the episode was that Monroe got captured by the wranglers of the fights and was thrown into the arena against his peaceful will.  He was pretty adorable trying to convince his captors to let him go because he wasn't the kind of Blutbad that they were hoping for.  He's a pretty easy-going guy to help out Nick like that and not curse his name for what had happened to him.  Luckily, Nick gave a damn about Monroe and came to his rescue.  Now, I find it hard to believe he was able to get all the way up to the leader and put a gun to his head before anyone was the wiser.  Nick is not that slick!  But whatever.  It was almost sweet that Nick, who is a pathetic fighter, wanted to take Monroe's place in the arena and fight the creature with relic weapons and shields.  I found it harder to believe that Nick barely got messed up from his fight.  What the hell??  I wanted to see him a little more bloody.  I mean, it's not like he has any superpowers, as far as we know.  Lame.

It was funny that Monroe, once Nick's backup arrived, got his ass out of there before he was arrested along with the rest of them.  What?  They had the place surrounded.  Then again, the leader of the fights got away too, so I guess it's plausible.  I couldn't imagine that Nick could save him from police investigation.

One last thing that bothered me was that Nick told Hank that Monroe gave them the lead to when and where the fights were going down that night.  Hank didn't really question that Nick was getting information from Monroe.  That should be more suspicious!  God, they make Hank seem like such a moron.

There was a good bit of action in this episode, but I could have less of that and more information about the characters.  Or at least have them not so stupid.  I'm looking forward to Juliette breaking up with Nick or him possibly letting her in on his secret.  One day his battle with creatures will probably consume him, so he's gonna have to bring her into his world soon or let her go.

Ray Takes A Wife And I Take A Nap

Archer, S03E06

I was happy this week to see that Ray was no longer confined to his wheelchair, and it was going to be an episode centered around him.  I was disappointed that I did not enjoy the story as much as I thought I would.  Not only was the story set in Ray's hometown in Virgina, but his brother Randy was voiced by 30 Rock's Jack McBrayer.  Somehow the focus became Randy and his wife wanting to sleep around with Carol (Ray's fake wife) and Archer, respectively, and less about the sheriff of the town out to get Ray's drug "farming" brother.  I was hoping for more about Ray's background or him getting harassed further by the sheriff.  However, the sheriff had a small role, and Ray and Randy's squabble didn't get that intense.  Dang.  What was the point of showing his brother in the first place?

When things start to pick up action-wise after everyone is so distracted trying to have sex, the shoot-off with the sheriff is cut short after Randy admits that he lied about the reasons why the sheriff was after him.  Dunno how I feel about that "twist."  The only thing that I really liked about this scene was that Archer pointed out a potentially dirty joke that I wouldn't have noticed without him:

[Ray] Easy, don't shoot!  I'm coming out!

[Archer] Haha.  Phrasing.

 That must have been the only time I laughed, except I might have when Ray admitted to having a Miss Piggy diary that would have revealed his homosexuality.  His brother had been spared reading it, thanks to their father burning it.

Archer and Carol were free from police persecution by pretending to be hostages, but it was unclear to me at first why Ray, who had clearly been shooting at them, wasn't handcuffed like his brother.  When the sheriff comes on to Ray in a not so subtle, but surprising manner, it was no longer a question.  That twist might have been funnier if the sheriff had more screen time.  All we had to go upon, really, was Ray's word that he had been an asshole as a kid.  Meh.

I'm not sure what is going this season that I'm not enjoying it as much as I have previous ones.  I think perhaps it's because they don't have any significant adventures.  I'm not sure.  But if things keep going in this direction, I don't think that I need to keep this show in my primary section for much longer.

How You Don't Like 90s R&B??

Parks and Recreation, S04E16

Leslie organizes a Sweet 16 party for Jerry who was born on February 29th to prove that she hasn't overextended herself between her campaign and government work.  Since I knew that Ron was the one who was suggesting that she take a break from work, I assumed that she wouldn't win the fight, and thus wasn't very invested in the story.  What was the most of interest to me was Ann and Tom's relationship.  It looked like the two would be over before they even started, and April was just fine with that.  In another side-story, Chris bonded with Champion and Andy felt a little jealous of how well Chris took care of his dog.  This story was also more entertaining to me than Leslie's quest to prove Ron wrong.

Let's talk about Chris and Andy for a moment.  I'm not the biggest animal person, but I felt like Andy's level of pet care-taking could practically be called animal abuse compared to all the things that Chris did for Champion in one day.  This included grooming and training (which also made Chris fluent in German in regards to all things concerning dogs).  In Andy's defense he is not some kind of overachieving superman, nor has the funds to do all the nice things for his dog he could.  I also don't think that Andy has ever thought about these sorts of thing.  His policy is that you have to let dogs be dogs.  Fair enough.  But I felt so bad that Chris was practically stalking Andy in order to spend some more time with the dog.  He is so obviously lonely.  He also scared the crap out of Andy when he was walking Champion.  Loved that.

Chris spells out his loneliness to all at Jerry's party, and I felt even worse for him.  But I think that he felt compelled to share his despair after hearing Tom announce that he and Ann were still strong as a couple.  He keeps making unhappy looks when Tom is talking about Ann; when is Chris going to do something about it, though??  I'm just waiting for that moment that encourages him to act a little angry.  So far it seems like Chris only has two states: hyper positive or hyper melancholy.  I haven't seen hyper pissed yet.  I really want to see it soon, as much as I like Tom.  Tom might scream like a little girl, which would make me giggle like a little girl.

If I can't get my giggle on, I was happy to see that Chris got his giggles on after Andy decided to lend out Champion to Chris from time to time to help him not feel so alone.  Say whatever you want about Andy but he is such a nice guy.  It's impossible to hate him.

Concerning Tom and Ann's relationship, I'm glad that things are starting off so rocky because it wouldn't make any sense.  We all know they are so completely different, and Tom and Ann start to see that these differences do matter.  Tom had especially funny complaints about Ann, including her disinterest in bluray, her low number of UGG boots, and depreciation of Paul Walker movies.  The best of Tom's "Oh-No-No's" was that Ann lacked a love of 90s R&B music.  Particularly insulting was that she had no idea who Ginuwine was.  I love that Tom believes that this topic is so important.  I can appreciate someone who thinks that "classic" R&B is vital.  I just wondered what kind of music does Ann does like anyway?  The best of Ann's "Oh-No-No's" was by far that Tom refers to himself as the "Brown Gosling."  I hate to say it but I am not a Ryan Gosling fan.  In fact, I don't really know who he is outside of everyone talking about him.  I've seen his picture, but I don't recognize him.  However, I'm not much of a celebrity follower.  I like who I like (like Aziz) and don't have time to worry about the mountain of others in the entertainment business.

I've gotten off topic.  My feelings about Tom and Ann deciding to stay together after April's drunken advice are mixed.  If for nothing else, I like them together so that April can continue to hate both of them while they annoy her.  And once again, I want to see if it will bring about the resurrection of Chris and Ann.  But Ann probably wouldn't take him back.  She would be a fool to after he broke up with her for reasons I'm not too sure about.  Perhaps he was just smart and realized they were too different?  Still, I'm not sure who would be a perfect match for Ann; she's pretty unenthusiastic about everything (in a way that differs from April) and only seems to get motivated through the forceful pushing of her bestie, Leslie.

We had pretty good development in this episode, so I was very pleased with it.  And we had a mentionable line from my favorite guy in Pawnee, Ron Swanson:

[Ron] Is this all the eggs we have?

[Donna] Yes.  What are you making?

[Ron] Eggs.

 Ron, you can make anything about food funny!  He is the highlight of my TV week most of the time.

I wonder if the next episode will be about how the quality of things at Parks and Rec will be down because Leslie is no longer running everything so smoothly.  It could mean a good opportunity for some Ron scenes, as he is the last person to be enthusiastic about doing work, and Leslie is the one who covers his lazy behind.  Crossing my finger, too, that we see the angry Chris come out.  Don't keep me waiting, Parks and Recreation!

Sheldon Tries A New Brand Of Crazy

Big Bang Theory, S05E18

I always thought that if Sheldon stopped controlling the world so much and acted a little looser, he might not be such a nuisance.  This week he proved that he has no limit to the kind of menace he can be.  I'm not sure which Sheldon I like more:  the one who upholds the roommate agreement as if it were state law, or the one who bongos himself all the way down the stairs.  Actually, maybe I do like the latter better because irritation is a given with Sheldon, so you might as well take his version of "fancy-free" and get used to the sounds of bongos at night.

I don't have much to say about the rest of the episode (Howard's training at NASA was amusing enough, but not really worth mentioning).  I am just surprised that Penny could cut Sheldon's hair well enough that he could semi-compliment her.  I thought she might make him look even dorkier than he already did for a man his age.  It was good that Sheldon's sensitive neck made her screw up, but you can hardly blame her for that (as long as you're not Sheldon).  It would have been too unnatural for this show if everything worked out so perfectly.

This week's episode wasn't bad, but there wasn't anything too incredible to discuss this time.  I won't hold it against this show because their stories are pretty consistently wacky.  Next week's will probably be more to my liking.

Max The Bear To the Rescue!

Happy Endings, S02E15

 Hmm, I wasn't feeling Happy Endings this week.  The story was about how Jane and Brad have a yearly fight over something trivial that the others believe mark the start of spring.  They affectionately call this "Spring Smackdown."  If it wasn't for Max, who didn't even have any dialogue in this episode until the very end, I would say it completely put me to sleep.  However, Jane did have an unexpectedly good line when she called Brad "Tuppence-A-Bag" because of all the pigeons he attracted.  I would have declared her the winner of the fight just based on that super-clever insult.  Nothing will top that.  Love some Mary Poppins references.

I was instantly in love with Max the moment he came onto screen, arising from a pile of clothes and blankets as if he were a homeless man.  What made his transformation into a bear hibernating for the winter was the fact that he refused to speak.  I never thought that Max, with of his snarky remarks and sarcasm, would be just as funny without his big mouth.  He proved me wrong.  I especially liked how he was eating honey with his fist and riding a unicycle with a shirtless vest on.  He was adorable as a bear!  And as Brad said, he was the kind of bear that sounded like Tim Allen.  That really tickled me.  It's pretty sad that I liked his persona so much as a wild animal that I didn't want him to go back to regular Max.  Bear Max should get his own episode.

So disappointing to see Max clean up and step out into the world again.  I had missed his voice, but I have to say that I missed his beard more.  Some guys look good with some facial hair, and others need to shave it off as soon as the lightest stubble appears.  Max falls into the former category; I don't like that I can see his chin now...  Man, that better not be his new look.  Jane's new hairstyle works for her (it's much better shorter), but Max needs his bear beard.  I mean, this is a guy who acts like he lives in a cardboard box; he doesn't need to look so clean.

Hmm, where was Grant during all of this hibernation?  Wasn't he bothered at all that Max had been in hiding for a week or however long he had been cooped up in that apartment? Wish I could get an explanation for that.

Luckily, this less than brilliant episode was saved by Max losing his humanity for a brief period.  If this show is going to give us another story like this week, I won't mind it if Max is there to pick up the slack with his hobo antics.

Lisa Takes A Walk On The Pink Side

Suburgatory, S01E15

This week's episode wasn't exactly funny, but there was something cute about it.  I think it had to do with the story about Dalia trying to bring Lisa to the "pink side."  What did make it not a particularly great episode was that Noah was too heavily involved, and he's too much of a jellyfish (in terms of morals, courage and brains) to be that interesting.  His wife was following the happy-divorce trend that Dallas was setting.  I only wanted to see this story unfold in order to see what it would do for Dallas and George's relationship.

So let's talk about those two first.  George was definitely showing how jealous he was of Dallas's new boy toy, who only wore white (as did she for most of the episode).  I was less surprised that Dallas had gotten herself a little extra meat on her chest (as if she needed it) and more that she had decided to move on with someone like Yanni.  I mean, Dallas won't win any awards for the deepest woman in the world, but I thought she had a little more substance to chose a a bit more wisely.  It's crazy that she seemed to flirt more with George when she was married than she does now.   I get the sense that George is trying to win her over slowly by his ice-cream (or was it yogurt?) treating gesture.  And they both got the same thing!  Must be love!  But I guess George and Dallas won't get together so easily, or it wouldn't be any fun for those of us watching.

I liked that Dalia thinks a good revenge against Tessa is to get her best friend (I'm assuming they wouldn't have been able to get Malik?).  It's a transparent move, but Lisa goes along with it anyway, too blinded by the brilliance of Dalia and her clique to care whether her ticket in is sincere or not.  And Lisa is hardly apologetic for it; she's been starving to be someone that others envy and will take any chance she's got to become this person.  You can't hate Lisa for this.  Her own mother asked, "Who?" when Dalia told her that she was at their house to pick up Lisa.  She's invisible even at her own home; of course, becoming one of Dalia's Barbies is a better deal than hanging with Tessa, who couldn't be popular if she tried.  

However, I didn't like her too much when she left Malik hanging and forced him to dance with Kimantha.  Their dancing together was hilarious, though.  Tessa was smart to bring in one of Dalia's lackies to counteract Dalia's plan.  Although Lisa had been completely made a Dalia clone on the outside, her insides remained the same; she still wanted Malik for herself.  All right!  Lisa even knocks Kimantha out of the way and grabs her man!  Way to go, Lisa!  I'm hoping that it won't be this one time thing and from now on they will be a couple.

After Lisa returned her Dalia Club membership, Tessa asked Dalia for a cease-fire since she isn't even dating Scott anymore, but Dalia has a different ax to grind; she is having trouble imagining her mother eventually marrying Tessa's dad.  I shouldn't say "trouble" since Dalia not only foresees their parents getting together but also much further in the future where Dalia steals Tessa's girlfriend from college and then has to cater Dalia and said girlfriend's wedding.  Wow.  I couldn't believe how detailed she was!  It was great.  Tessa didn't have much to say after that and left Dalia alone.  Good call.  What could you say to all of that?

Lastly, I just want to say that Lisa is kind of scary.   The next day she is even less apologetic about what she did and says that real friends are the ones you can take for granted because they'll stick by you or something.  Then she demands for something to drink with a humorless expression.  What, so now she thinks she is the shit because she was with Dalia for a few days?  Well, I just gotta say that Malik has his hands full with a girlfriend like that.  He'd be careful not to let her upgrade him the first opportunity that presents itself to her.

I wish this episode had a little more of the battle between Dalia and Tessa.  We didn't get to see too much of Lisa enjoying being one of Dalia's "friends."  And we didn't get to see Tessa agonizing too much over Lisa betraying them.  Perhaps Tessa is too smart, as she didn't waste too much time to get Kimantha on her side, to fall for Dalia's cheap tricks.  If so, I'd like to see Dalia come up with something more clever that Tessa can't so easily get out of.  Maybe Dalia will start plotting against George so that he won't get any closer to her mom.  That would be good.  One thing is for sure, though:  we don't need another Noah-centric story.  Let's save those for a time when his character is less of a boring idiot to me.

Winston Wins My Heart By Cutting Down A Child

New Girl, S01E14

 Well, it's finally happened--I found an episode where I liked Winston.  For once, he wasn't just an afterthought on this show, offering a few almost funny lines from time to time and boring stories.   I thought it was a fluke the first time he got me to chuckle, but he was pretty consistently hilarious this time.

Before I get into Winston, I want to talk about Schmidt and Cece continuing seeing each other.  I was surprised that Cece is addicted to Schmidt, despite he is pretty repulsive.  The sex is obviously good between them, but when he was comparing himself to a river and her being a canoe, I wanted to gag a little.  Yet, somehow it failed to send her packing.  I wanted to feel bad for Schmidt, but his mouth wouldn't stop making me cheer for Cece to run far away.  I did feel a little for him when he had to stay in her car while she went to a party, but it soon went away.  I guess in the next episode they will announce their relationship to their friends.  As long as Schmidt doesn't run up the wall and give them way too much information about the nature of their sex as he did in the Chinese restaurant, he might have a chance to get approval, rather than incredulous protest, from the others.

Now onto Winston.  He had me grinning when he said he liked meeting the girls Schmidt brought home by pretending to be his downlo lover.  Oh, God, how I would like to see that!  But I was really laughing when he and Nick were talking about the meaning of the cactus Julia had sent to him.  Nick, obviously a person who over-analyzes things, thinks that the plants means that Julia wants to break up with him:

[Winston] Who told you that? Did the cactus tell you that? Is this one of those fortune-telling cactus?

Later, after Jess describes a bully problem in her class, Winston says that he used to be a bully as a kid.  Not a stretch at all.  He seems like that type, with his lack of emotions and need to compete with others.  Obviously he has grown as a person, but he still has that mean vibe about him.  That being said, I was pretty shocked in an amused way to see Winston leap out of his seat in order to look at the crescent moon outside.  While Jess questions why they are so excited about seeing it, Winston longingly looks into the sky and says that he hopes to live there one day.  Wow.  Where did that comes from?  It's the first time I've thought he was kinda cute besides the one time he bonded with a child at Schmidt's Christmas party.

Winston was also good as the support for both Jess and Nick in this episode.  Jess had broken a bitchy, evil student's robot arm after the little brat asked her several rude questions including why Jess' voice was so deep and why did she break up with her last boyfriend.  She needed Winston's help to fix it and all he brought were his "good scissors."  Ha.  With Nick, Julia did end up breaking up with him (finally--knew they wouldn't last, especially after Valentine's Day) because Nick's voicemails made her realize that was what she really wanted.  So Nick was in a very, very fragile state and needed a friend by his side.  Schmidt was too busy sneaking around with Cece, so Winston had to do.  Nick was so scary, it was hilarious.  He was way too cheerful and uncharacteristically positive that you knew he was going to explode with despair and possibly rage that no one wanted to be on the other side of.

This forced Winston to come to Jess' science fair at her school along with Nick.  It's interesting that two guys who definitely weren't there to see their own children were allowed to walk around, as crazy as they were being (Nick anyway).  The best thing that happens there is that Winston steps in to say what Jess can't say about how "difficult" the bratty student, Brianna, is:

[Winston] Your daughter sucks.  She is a demon seed, she is the spawn of Satan, and I do believe I speak for the entire human race when I say that people like her should not be building robots.

[Brianna's Mother #2] Who are you?

Applause!  I can't believe Jess didn't give him five for that.  Who cares about being professional; that girl is horrible!  She's obviously smart, so why does she need to act like an asshole?  Anyway, this is one of my favorite moments in New Girl so far.  It's right up there with the awkward threesome with Remy.

The last good thing Winston did in this episode was snatch his "good scissors" (what are they doing laying around for children to get??) from Nathaniel:

 Eh! Get my scissors outta your mouth! What is wrong with you??

No wonder the kids in class didn't like him.  I was happy that this boy, though, seemed to be free from being the class target, and Jess had become the point of ridicule.  I didn't care much for the youtube video Brianna had made of her, but I loved that Jess got further revenge on Brianna by making her sing with her in front of the class.  That'll teach her!  I hope that girl doesn't pop up in any more episodes, even though I want to see more of Jess at her job.  I feel like someone as child-like as her would have some interesting adventures with her students.

Oh, and Nick walking around with the cactus plant he had abused in his dazed-out, happy mode was wonderful.  He was even sleeping with it.  I kinda want him to keep that mangled plant for while.

Great episode.  The Valentine's Day one set my expectations low this time, so it was nice to be blown away for a change.  I knew this show couldn't disappoint me for too long!

You Make Me So Mad I Wanna Murder You!

Cougar Town, S01E02

Of course, this episode was the start of Jules' wedding planning.  I thought she might start with a lot of grand and crazy ideas of her vision, but she needed to accommodate some of her friends' needs first, like Ellie and Andy's need of a place to have sex during the event.  I liked that Grayson asked if he got a say about the wedding because it was his too, and the gang just laughs at him.  Only in a parallel universe would he be able to put his own two cents in.  I forgot that Jules is a people-pleaser and doesn't want anyone unhappy with her.  After all, she pretty much worn down Grayson from an disinterested neighbor to a fiance.

I admire Grayson for trying to fight back in the tiniest way, since his power is basically nonexistent with Jules around, by refusing to accept "Thanks, Babe" as an end to a conversation.  But I like how Ellie and Jules were confused at first why he was still there and hadn't listened  to Jules' command to go to go ask her dad for her hand.  Jules sweet talks him into going, so his little stand is pretty much pointless.

Grayson and Travis visiting Jules' dad was funnier than I expected because he soon asks Grayson to shoot one of his horses.  But in fact, he is just screwing with him and lets Travis in on the joke.  I wondered if it was just because he didn't like Grayson (which I could understand; he's not easily likeable), but it was because he wanted to test how far he'd go for the sake of his daughter.  Bobby had been a bad husband and he didn't want to see her with another unfit guy.  Compared to some other shows I've seen where the dad tested the new husband/boyfriend, I'd say Grayson got off easily.  Not that I wanted to see him shoot a horse, though.  But it was nice to see Travis and Jules' dad bonding together to play around with Grayson.  He got them back by almost shooting the horse.  Who wouldn't when Travis was questioning his manhood by asking how it was possible a grown man such as himself hadn't already killed a horse.  I loved when Travis said that in his monotone voice.

Also, Jules as an eavesdropping ninja, as Travis put it, was a nice joke.  I especially enjoyed her using his powers of stealth to pop up next to Bobby and Andy on the roof.  I would hate to have her as a friend because I feel like I'd want to talk about her, but would feel like I'd always have to check over my shoulder first.

Bobby was trying to express his approval of Jules and Grayson's engagement with the gift of zip-line, but that story was not that interesting to me.  I did think it was kinda cool when Jules finally used it and ended up landing on the hood of Laurie's car.  She took a pretty nice fall.

The best thing of the episode was Ellie and Andy's ritual of expressing murderous anger.  Whenever Ellie got so mad at Andy she wanted to kill him, she would just "do" it.  They would act out the killing moment, complete with blood and murder weapon, and Travis would photograph it.  Then they kept past "murder scenes" on their walls to remember them.  Man, I like that idea!  If only I could do that, but with my friends.  It's a pretty unusual, but entertaining way to channel out your fury.  And later you can laugh about it and realize how silly you were.  I mean, Andy just left the ice cream out too long; did he really need to be bludgeoned to death with a bat?

I won't really mention the whole co-maid of honor (Co-MOH) thing.  Of course, Jules would do that.  I do want to say that Ellie and Jules' relationship is so creepily close, it's funny.  Like how they both keep bags in their cars in preparation of running away together one day.  In a Thelma and Louise fashion?  They're a good match, though.  Someone very self-centered and someone who gets joy from making others happy.  You could easily imagine the two of them married, because they kinda are already (kinda like in Scrubs how Turk and JD were).

Wish there were more jokes that I liked, but that whole murder-pretending thing was good enough to satisfy me this time.  I wonder how ridiculous Jules is going to get soon about planning the wedding.  I hope it's something that even a whipped Grayson will have to fight against (though he won't win).

Max's New Family

2 Broke Girls, S01E17

You know, after this episode I noticed that this show warms my heart for real sometimes.  It's very unexpected because the tempo of this show is more light and edgy, rather than anything deep that might  evoke your emotions.  There's something about good things happening to Max that make me smile and feel good to see them.

This time Caroline was being crazy about not getting sick.  At first, I thought she needed to just chill out, but with Han sneezing in people's faces, I'd get a little psycho too.  What the hell??  He needs one of those cold masks they wear in Japan in the winter.  Something.  Cuz that is just nasty!  He makes up for it a little bit by paying for Caroline to visit a pharmacy that also has a doctor working there.

Before they get there, Sophie comes in the diner and has another sexy chat with Earl.  I am loving this pattern of their banter.  Why don't they just get together?  It doesn't seem like they would when Sophie claims that she is meeting a guy there she was introduced online.  The clearly men-loving man that shows up is far from my expectations of who she would date.  Everyone else can tell, so I figure that Sophie must know herself that the man is gay.  She's not an idiot or either she might actually fall for Oleg.

Oleg takes another whack at winning over Sophie with his velour suit and numerous penis remarks.  Sometimes he wants to make me gag, but at least he's not too bad on the eyes.  He's not a hottie, but he's not a troll either.  In fact, if he didn't refer so much to sex, he might be all right.  Maybe.  Anyway, Sophie rejects him again, and Oleg gets annoyed that a gay man has a better chance with her than he does.  That's gotta sting.

Caroline talks about her "adopted" Jewish family she thought she had been close with.  This is because the pharmacy they were sent to ended up being in the Orthodox Jewish district.  I really wish Caroline would shut up!  She goes beyond offensive with her overly eager attempt to show that she knows the Jewish community with her random Hebrew phrases and stereotypical mannerisms.  The lady at the counter was much nicer to them than she needed to be.  She was particularly fond of Max, who she thought looked just like her.  Even though Caroline was being offensive, they land a cupcake gig for the lady's son's bar mitzvah.

When making the cupcakes that have to be kosher, Max decides to ignore this and make 40 cupcakes the non-kosher way.  However, Caroline convinces her to do it right.  Somehow I wish that she didn't listen to her because Caroline is so annoying when she wants someone to do something.  The best thing about this scene was Sophie coming with her new boyfriend and admitting she knew he was gay, and it just want she wanted.  Great.  I knew she wasn't a dummy!  But I was worried about her giving a man she met not too long ago the keys to her apartment while she wasn't there.  I thought that would prove to be a problem, but it didn't.  Good for her.  I wouldn't trust that guy for at least a few months.  You never know what con some guy on the internet is trying to pull on you.

To blend in at the event, Caroline gets them appropriate attire, which includes over-sized cardigans.  They looked like homeless old ladies.  You know that something has to go wrong, but I didn't expect it to be that the boys there would start talking to Max and Caroline like they were gangsta rappers.  What in the world??  It was completely hilarious.  Not only did they keep propositioning the two for sex, but they were so completely opposite of the quiet and obedient personalities they presented to the rest of the family.  I don't blame them for wanting to act out with the strict life they probably have, but that was too much.  Too much in a great way.

The best part was when the mother and grandmother dote upon Max when she breaks out in a fever.  Max has never experienced such tender, motherly care.  And the older ladies just love her.  I just loved it.  She deserved to have someone take care of her like that.  However, it didn't last long after Max had to confess that four of the cupcakes were not kosher.  So not only did her the little love fest end, they didn't get paid for the cupcakes.  The latter was less disappointing than Max losing favor with her new mother and "Bubbie."   But the mother did let her keep the cold compress.  Aww...  I felt bad for Max.  She screwed up but it wasn't the end of the world.  I wish she could have really bonded with them and gotten more of the motherly love she had been missing on.  Earl is already her substitute dad.

The girls made no money this episode, but Max made a sweet connection.  I like episodes that focus on her opening up her heart a little more, as long as they don't involve Caroline.  Caroline is a good person at heart, but she tries too hard.  I'd like to see more of Max growing in this way next week.

I Betcha Ted And Robin'll Never Get Together!

How I Met Your Mother, S07E17

 I moaned when I saw that yellow umbrella in the start of this episode.  That meant it was going to be about Ted's quest for love.  From the last episode, we know that it meant Robin.  However, I was still pretty sure that it wouldn't work out.  There was no reason for it to.

We didn't find out whether Robin and Ted might get back together because she had to rush off to Russia before she and Ted could discuss what their kiss (Oh, God--why did she kiss him!) meant for them.  Convenient, but I'll buy it.  Anything to prevent Ted from making another impulse decision.  He calls Marshall to meet him at the bar, even though it's 7AM.  Of course, Marshall runs to his side all the way from New Jersey, with little worry about Barney in their bed.  I'm glad Barney was there because it made Marshall's fast getaway even funnier.

Later Lily leaves Barney there by himself.  Is she crazy?  I guess you couldn't really throw him out when he had a key to the house, but still.  He immediately starts to look for the mythical sex tape he thinks Marshall and Lily have made.  At least he is courteous enough to get his team of maids to clean up after he goes through all of their personal belongings.  Classic Barney.

I didn't know where Lily had gone until she showed up at the bar later.  I was still confused about that, considering she scolded Marshall for going to the bar so early, until Barney came to the bar with news that Lily and Marshall have been making bets about their friends.  Some of these included whether Ted would go bald, whether Robin would ever return the hairdryer she borrowed, and whether Ted and Robin would end up together.  Wow.  Now that's a hard one.  I wish they hadn't put the bets on paper and then hid them in a box that clearly said "Long-Term Bets."  Not that they ever expected Barney to find it, but still.  I think that their idea of a couple hobby is pretty good, though.  I'd probably do something like that, but not leave so much evidence lying around.

Ted is, of course, disheartened to learn that his best friends were gambling on the success of his relationships, but the 2 explain how boring it can be as a married couple.  I think it's not too horrible of a thing they are doing, given Ted's track record.  He doesn't have much luck finding women, and he's more than once tried to get back with Robin.  That doesn't excuse Lily trying to sabotage their relationship by suggesting Ted do some stupid, romantic gestures to convince Robin to take him back.  Then again, Ted is an idiot for listening to her in the first place.  Lily wasn't being slick at all.

Barney also finds a bet that he will never see Marshall and Lily's sex tape, letting him know that it does exist.  He goes back to look again and has his cleaning crew at work one more time.  When he started praying to God for the tape, I knew that one of the maids would find it, and they did.  How gross it is he is so excited to see it and that he invites Ted to watch with him.  During this time, Barney lets Ted know about the hookup he and Robin had while Kevin was around.  However, Barney is too nonchalant about Robin being single now.  What a liar.  He loves her, even if he doesn't want to admit it right now.  Anyway, thanks to Marshall and Lily simultaneously repulsing and tempting him about watching the video, Barney destroys it before seeing it.  Good.  His obsession with having sex with Lily is so disturbing.  But it is what makes Barney Barney, so you can't hate him for it.

I was pretty happy when Robin finally came back, and Ted realizes that their relationship as a couple will never be again.  Thank God.  I can't take it anymore.  Not only does Ted relinquish their agreement to get together if the two are single when they are 40, but Marshall (with probably ulterior motives) tells Robin that she has to move out of Ted's apartment for his sake.  Ted claimed that after he cleared it up with Robin and she moved out that he felt happy for once, but I'm skeptical.  I will be pissed if he gets desperate  and tries to rekindle that Robin fire.  Seriously.  Please be done, you two.  Who wants to see them together??

At the end Marshall tells Lily again to wait before they decide who the winner is of the Ted-Robin bet.  I assume that's because he thinks her moving away from Ted will bring them closer?  He has to have something up his sleeve.

I hope that next time Barney realizes that he isn't so immune to Robin being single again.  Now that Ted isn't distracting her with old love, maybe they can work things out.  But Robin would need to make amends for stomping on Barney's heart like she did.  That was stone-cold, Robin.  No wonder you're alone.

Kill The Kids, Steal The Corpse's Hair

American Dad, S07E11

I liked this episode better than the other FOX shows last Sunday.  It was about Stan getting older in a fashion that reminder me of the movie Thinner.  There was also a side story about Francine and Roger, involving lies and a funeral.

Stan lays on some ageist remarks on one of his coworkers, Ray, whom he has stolen a job from.  Although he was being a jerk, I liked that he chastised Ray for cooking a sponge in the microwave because he thought it was a hot pocket.  He even turned it over in between.  I love a good hot pocket joke.

Stan gets cursed at the hiking goods store after he makes horrible remarks to the older man holding up the line.  I enjoyed the gradual aging of Stan.  He was particularly funny when he went to the doctor and thought he had aids because he couldn't understand the doctor saying "aged."  He looked so bad as an old man, especially when he went to work in some sagging jeans in order to look younger.  Those whitey tighties were not flattering on him one bit.

Halley figures out that the curse said upon Stan was in Latin, but it was Claus who knew what it meant.  That would have seemed odd to me except he explained it.  Still, that fish is pretty useless on a regular basis.  Sometimes I think Roger is enough of an oddity (they have to have one in the Seth MacFarlane shows) to add the weird element to their family.  Claus also gives Stan the idea that to break the curse he has to complete his dream of climbing Mount Kilimanjaro as an old man.  I thought from the beginning that it wouldn't work.  And it doesn't.

Although it seems ridiculous to have a man who has aged to about 80 or 90 by then travel overseas and climb a mountain, this part is the best segment of the episode.  Stan mistakenly thinks that Halley and Steve are going to kill him, so he decides to get to them first.  The gag was that each time he tried to get them, he would fall asleep mid-attack.  I loved it.  I also liked how Halley and Steve kept talking to him in a condescending tone and referred to him as "Papa."  So cute it made me laugh.

Stan finally succeeds in staying awake to attack them and chases them with a knife all the way up the mountain.  That's pretty ridiculous even for a cartoon.  Wouldn't he get tired, despite his murderous desire to off his children, climbing up there with no break??  Halley "luckily" falls off before Stan can get her again, but Steve gets a knife right in his back!  I was wondering how in the world they would survive all that.  Some random guys just collected them and carried them down.  The other thing that made me go "really?" was when Stan fell off the mountain for the longest time.  He was fine after that fall!  There's no way that the ox he rode down until it was just a bloody head saved him from breaking some bones.  An old man fell from a mountain that a young man would have surely died from.  Geez...  That bothered me.

Anyway, Stan broke the curse after a younger man treated him like Stan had treated the man from the store and learned his lesson.  However, he turned into a black Stan.  Uh...what?  He apparently was cursed by someone else at a different time.  So why did the curses bundle together and happen in this weird sequence?  After he cures this one, will he turn into someone else that he treated badly?  Maybe into Claus?  Well, I guess that it's funny on a non-laughable level to end the episode like that.

In the side story, Francine is tricked by Roger over and over again.  It was really dumb, but since it was Roger, you can't be shocked.  However, I didn't know what Roger's angle was from the first time he told Francine he hadn't been "entirely truthful" with her.  I did think from the moment I saw him in that horrible red wig, couldn't he get a better one?  He commented on it soon after my thoughts that it looked like "Garfield had miscarried" on his head.  Ugh.

After many lies that put Francine in an awkward situation with a dead body, Roger reveals his plan all along was to steal his ex-wife's red hair to make a wig.  So he married her and divorced her, in order to steal her hair some day?  I guess for him that would mean nothing since he doesn't appear to age at all.  Also, he doesn't give a damn about manipulating people, as was clear with Francine.  I was happy to see that Francine threw him off a cliff after all the shit he had put her through.  6 months of practicing for a dance competition that didn't exist and defiling a dead woman's body??  Roger's fall was too kind for him.

Very nice episode this week.  I wish the other shows would have had a little more intrigue, though.  One show doesn't make up for a disappointing Sunday.

Send That Dolphin Back To The Ocean

Family Guy, S10E14

 I had heard (through some tweets) that Ricky Gervais would guest star on the last episode of Family Guy, so I was anticipating a laugh fest.  I really wish that I hadn't gotten my hopes up at all.  While I did enjoy hearing Ricky's voice, I didn't care much for most of the jokes this time.  Something was missing, but I'm not sure what.

Peter and the boys go to fish out some recently sunk Mercedes from the harbor, but pull out a dolphin named Billy instead.  Billy gets Peter a hood ornament and owes him a favor in return.  The favor turns out to be a place to stay on the surface.  The side story was about Stewie's ghetto preschool and Brian's absent attempt to help him.

I'll talk about the side story first.  The head of the preschool, Miss Emily, turns out to be a young, attractive girl with the brains of a squid, exactly Brian's type.  Not again!  So he does his regular thing of acting like a selfish douche bag, while ignoring the horrible conditions Stewie and the other kids have to go through.  The best of these horrible conditions were a random guy coming into their school and kidnapping a baby, a little boy playing with a piece of wood and a nail, and Stewie having his arm ripped out of its socket.  You would think that when Stewie came home with an arm hanging down to the floor, Brian's conscience would come back, but nope.  He just sinks lower and gags Stewie's mouth with paper and pops his arm back into place against his will.  Although Stewie is a sadistic, evil little baby, he's really a good friend because he doesn't seek revenge against Brian for thinking with his dick rather than his heart.  Actually, he's done some horrible things to Brian before for less, but I guess sometimes Stewie has to act like a baby with little power.

There was one really good line Stewie had about the preschool.  This was when Brian was stupidly defending Emily by saying she was teaching them independence:

We're 1!  Independence means we die!

Brian only comes to his senses when Emily reveals her boyfriend.  Damn you, Brian.  You're such a sorry excuse for a dog!  When she is taken away by the police, he tells her there's a special place in hell for people like her.  If that isn't the pot calling the kettle black.  It's a good thing that Brian doesn't believe in hell because he'd have a lot of things to atone for in the afterlife.  I'd like to see Brian do something outrageous like date a good girl based on her personality, rather than her looks.  But that would be asking too much.  Stewie even thanks Brian for calling the police without making comments that he took his sweet time.  Then they do a crazy freeze frame and plan to stay like that until Lois and Peter finish their conversation.  Loved that little bit.

Peter having a house guest in the main story starts off well for him.  For me, I didn't see the addition of Billy to the Griffin household being that funny.  I almost cracked a smile when Billy said that he understood that they were supposed to all hate Meg through his excellent intuition and by Peter telling him in the hall.  But for the most part, I was bored.  Ricky had a lot of fish puns that were bad, but made me smile because it was him saying them with his infectious laugh, but the more annoying he got, the less I liked him around.  He just didn't annoy anyone in a really amusing way.  At one moment Trisha Takanawa came to harpoon him, and they had this little jingle that went "Japan!  They Kill Things That We Like!"  I had to laugh, as slightly offensive as that was.  I say "slightly" because if you've been watching this show for this many years, you shouldn't be offended by anything they do anymore because they say horrible things about everyone.

They finally get Billy to go back to the ocean when they find out he was kicked out by his wife, and they help him out.  What I found interesting about this was not that Joe helplessly dropped down to the ocean as King Neptune, but was that there was a tender moment in FG, and it involved dolphins.  I feel like it's been a while since they had a heartwarming moment in this show with any of the Griffin members.  Maybe that's not what this show is about; they'd rather be "real."  I dunno.  This is one reason I like The Simpsons better overall; no matter what bad things the characters do, they show that they love each other.  Where's the love, FG??

I was grossed out a bit when Peter smashed 2 birds wiith one big stone.  Man, I can never quite get used to those sort of things in the Seth MacFarlane shows.  All of a sudden there's something bloody going on, and you have to scrunch your face together in disgust.  However, that little moment was probably one of the best things in this episode.

I also will give them credit for being creative with their cutaways.  It was nice that they showed you the script for one of them and didn't animate the scene.  That hasn't been done, as far as I know, so I enjoyed the originality.  Wasn't that funny, but it showed that the writers are always thinking.

Well, it was stupid of me to think that a guest star I liked would necessary mean a good episode.  Thanks for letting me down this week, FG.  I won't get my hopes up again.

500th Episode, Negative 500 Laughs

The Simpsons, S23E14

Now The Simpsons has made it to their 500th episode.  Wow, how times flies by.  That is an impressive milestone when you consider that there probably hasn't been a fabulous episode for about ten or so years (not consistently anyway).  This week's episode fell into that category, but it wasn't entirely terrible.

I enjoyed watching some of the old couch gags.  I didn't remember most of them, actually.  I suppose that is because I usually don't pay much attention until the episode truly starts.  A fairly good line at the beginning of the episode is when Homer tells Lisa to pick up a book:

[Lisa] I pick up books like you pick up beer!
[Homer] Then you have a serious reading problem.

After they get bored sitting around doing a disaster drill, the family decides to go out into town while everyone else is doing the drill.  They expect to find the town empty, but they see that everyone is gathered at a town meeting to discuss Springfield's most troublesome family, the Simpsons.  This mildly reminds me of The Simpsons Movie where the whole town turned against them, figuring that it's a bigger disadvantage to have them in town than not.  However, this time, we get to hear more about why each of them are a menace.  Bart and Homer are no-brainers; they destroy things on a regular basis with their antics.  But Lisa is seen as an eyesore for her meddlesome environmental endeavors, and Maggie is just seen as a devil baby of some sorts:

[Cookie] Even baby never cry!

[Maggie makes a throat cutting motion]

[Cookie] What baby does that? 

Even Marge isn't safe from being banned, despite her earnest plea for the town to not see her family as monsters.   Thanks to her tendency to present her family "in a more forgiving light," she is deemed the worst Simpson of all.  Nice.

They end up going to the "Outlands" after a resident threatens them with a gun and invites them.  I liked that they redid the opening scene in a more country, off the grid-like fashion.  Somehow this reminded me of The Riches, but I'm not sure if that was my imagination or something that the writers intended the viewers to think about.  Their lives there were less refined and almost completely boring.  What I liked most of their new lives was when Homer was tired of watching "fox" and there was an actual fox on a rock in front of them.  Maggie's little mohawk and aggressive actions were cute, though.  And I did enjoy when their neighbor (whose name escapes me) tells Homer that he should get out less.

Homer and Marge sneak back into Springfield after Marge laments her lost home.  They do this dressed as Mr. Burns and Smithers, and I was surprised that Homer didn't mess it up by forgetting Mr. Burn's catchphrase of "Excellent."  I guess they've already done that before, where Homer mistakenly thinks his phrase is "Exactly."  I love that episode, by the way. 

Since Homer doesn't mess it up, the two enjoy sneaking around town all the way back to their old house, where they are cornered by the majority of the town (if not the whole town).  This development is predictable and easily turns sentimental after Marge, with little convincing, tells them that they are the jerks, and she and Homer are returning to their real, better home.  The only thing that was notable about this scene was when the Mayor admits they are jerks, and Wiggum pulls out a spray of "Jerk Off," which he offers to spray on him.  Gross.  But mildly funny.

In the end, the whole town moves to the Outlands, wanting to escape from the choke hold of Springfield.  This was an easy solution to their problem and not very entertaining.  I only slightly liked that Moe's establishment in the Outlands was "Moe's Cavern," which was set up in a cave.  Everyone makes the move there, except Skinner who hasn't gotten the memo.  Bart later comes to get him, but I didn't expect him to actually carry him all the way.  He intentionally makes Skinner slam into things on the way, but I thought he might just drop his archenemy.  I guess that's just as good.

At the end, the show asks that we viewers go out and get some fresh air before they go on the internet to say how much the episode sucked.  That was a nice touch and makes me think that the staff realize how bad the show has gotten.  I'm wondering if they are under some pressure or obligation to keep the show on the air.  Well, if they keep losing viewers with these lackluster stories, they won't be able to afford to keep it on.  And they do have Family Guy and such, but I don't think that it can really fill the void The Simpsons will leave on FOX Sunday nights.  However, FG is popular, so you never know.  It could be celebrating its 500th episode one day.

I appreciate The Simpsons passing the test of time, but the 500th episode is not one I'm excited to see again.  I'm only happy there weren't too many guest stars in this episode.  They could have made a much bigger to-do about this milestone, but they didn't.  However, I'd like them to do stories that are a little more original and bring more laughs.

You'd Be A Dummy To Love This One

The Cleveland Show, S03E11

This was another rather uninspired episode.  It would have been a complete snooze if Rallo wasn't involved.  However, I still wouldn't call it anything memorable.  Cleveland and Rallo end up having a ventriloquist act that seems to bond them as a father and son.

I liked that Rallo was freaked out about the magic show he saw on TV to the point that he was running around shouting, "Help!" for a lady sawed in half.  He's such a cute little idiot.  His stepbrother explained the concept of magic to him, and Rallo became enamored with it.

Although Cleveland is so disinterested in Rallo's childish magic tricks, when Rallo calls him "Daddy" so that Cleveland will take him to a magic club, he gets so emotional that he cries.  Wow.  I didn't know that it meant so much for him to get along with Rallo in that way.  I felt like that they had an unspoken tolerance of each other, but they would never be able to have a real loving relationship.  This time they sort of achieved that.  In fact, Cleveland was being super creepy about loving Rallo.  Like when he kept sniffing his hair.  Eww.  But somehow it was cute if you can get over him putting his face all up in Rallo's fro.

There was a scene at the magic club where Rallo had a rabbit appear in his hat.  Cleveland told him that anything you found in there was yours.  Cleveland found a Ferrari in his and jumped into his hat.  Later we hear him crash it, and he jumps back out, claiming that the car isn't his.  That's when we see the police lights.  Ha.

The last thing I expected to happen when they met "Magical Johnson," was that he would hire the two to open his show.  I thought maybe Rallo would be offended that he was looked upon as a dummy, but he was the first to accept the offer before Cleveland could correct the man.

I was pretty much ignoring the conversation between Cleveland and Donna about them doing their ventriloquist show.  The only thing I did pay attention to was that Cleveland revealed that he had a tape recorder taped to his chest.  Um, total flashback to Family Guy when Stewie pulled the same thing on Lois.  Come on Seth MacFarlene.  Let's try not to use too many of the same gags.

The best parts of their "Porque and Bean" act was their first outfit (which Rallo said made him look like "Black Chuckie"), the fact that they bought a little coffin to "store" Rallo in, and that Rallo and Cleveland seemed to be getting along.  Of course, Cleveland got too big for his britches and boasted that he was the star of the show.  Classic diva problem among any group.  Rallo let him do the show by himself to see that Cleveland was hardly as funny without him (in fact, he was "turr-able").

The end was probably sweet with Cleveland admitting how important it was for him that Rallo looked upon him as another father, not a replacement for Robert, but I was too bored to watch carefully.  I just know that they made up and came clean about their act.  However, no one seemed to know what they were doing, and the crowd was horrified to see Rallo stand up on his own and bow.  I had to laugh at someone in the crowd shrieking that Rallo would "kill them all."

Speaking of the crowd, while Rallo and Cleveland were having their sentimental moment on stage, there was a creepily funny line from two people in the audience:

[Guy 1] This is getting a little too real.
[Guy 2]  Yeah.   And sexy.

 It was good that things ended relatively on a laugh.  This week, again, I wasn't too impressed by this show.  I'm wondering if it's just on a slump, or on its way out of my primary shows.  We'll see in the next couple of weeks.

Prince Charming In One Life, Prince Scum In Another

 Once Upon A Time, S01E13

 

The focus of this episode was the love triangle of Mary Margarette, David, and Kathryn.  Just when I thought their situation had hit a wall, things got into motion again.  I've been a little unhappy with David sitting on the fence for a while, and Mary Margarette getting sucked into the fantasy of a possible romance with him.  I should feel sorry for Kathryn, who is probably the most innocent in all of this, but I just don't like her.  My love of MM (Mary Margarette) automatically makes me take her side.

Anyway, at the beginning there are a few seconds of a stiff dinner between Kathryn and David before she tells him that she plans to move to Boston and go to law school.  We know that she'll never make it out alive or unharmed, so that's never going to happen.  Well, instead of telling his wife what his true feelings are, he lies and then goes out for a night stroll with MM.  He wants her advice about what to do and has little plan of his own!  God, get a spine, David!  After he acts like a bitch, refusing to make up his mind, he tells MM that he chooses her and will tell Kathyrn the truth.  Yay!  Finally!  ...Or so we thought.

Later, David goes to Kathyrn to break things off, but instead of being a decent person, he tries to be the "nice guy" and tell her that nothing is going on.  The two of them just can't connect, and he doesn't know why.  What??  David!!  I'm starting to hate his weak ass!  It's not as if Kathryn might not have understood, given that she saw that MM was falling for her husband months ago.

But I have to say that MM has been living in Naive Land.  She tells Emma that she thought that she was being discreet with her secret relationship with David.  Please!  I'm sure everyone was simply pretending not to notice out of convenience.  However, no one was looking the other way when Kathryn found out about the affair (thanks to Mayor Break-Hearts) and slaps MM right at school.  Thanks to that she quickly becomes the town whore, complete with "TRAMP" painted on her car so that the 2 people in town that might not have heard will definitely know.  David was "heroically" trying to wash it off before she gets there, but he should have been on his knees begging for her forgiveness!  He just made excuses and hardly seemed apologetic for the scarlet letter MM now had on her back.

I wish I could have been sad when MM breaks it off with David.  I felt bad that she felt like a foolish piece of crap, for about the second or third time.  I suspect this time will be for good, or until David can become a man.  I could stand for them to be apart for another 5 or so episodes, at least.  Actually, I hope that something terrible happens to him because I'm sick of him hurting MM and his only punishment being that he's unhappy.  He could stand to be more than that, as far as I'm concerned.

Concerning their alter lives, Prince Charming seems like a total different person.  He's not a fraction of the asshole that David is.  I would question they were the same person if that wouldn't be moronic.  Anyway, we find out that Abigail isn't just a stuck-up bitch, but someone who, like Charming, also experienced a lost love.  That was a nice twist because it allowed me to feel a little sympathy for her.  Charming volunteers to save her love, Frederick, who has been turned into gold from Midas' touch.  Seems like quite a thing to do for a woman he didn't care about, but his backup plan is to die on the mission.  Guess that's all he can hope for if Snow isn't in his life.

Charming's encounter with the "beast" of the lake, was predictable.  Don't ask me why, but I knew that a woman would come out of the water.  I didn't expect it to take on the form of people he knew, nor did I think that he would be fooled for a second when it turned into Snow.  How damn lonely is he that he has to make out with a lake demon just because it looked like Snow??  I was rolling my eyes at his stupidity.  But I guess it wouldn't make for good TV if he defeated the beast too easily.  He nearly drowned, but he was able to stab the thing before he ran out of breath.  I kept wondering what the beast really looked like.  I couldn't see while it was underwater.  I guess it's not that important, though.

With the magic water, Frederick is brought back to life.  I'm not sure how long it's been since he has been turned into gold, but I felt like he should had a huge need to pee or something.  I dunno.  I'm not familiar with the rules of turning into gold.  It was a happy ending for Abigail and Frederick, but Charming still had to deal with the fact that his foster father was going to come after him.

And come after him he did!  Is this kingdom really that poor that the king himself needs to come out and chase after people?  Either that or the King was really pissed at him.  This indicates that we won't see the happy ending for Snow and Charming for a while.  Oh, well.

Regarding other things in this episode, Emma starts to learn more about the mysterious writer who came to town:  August W. Booth.  I don't like him for Emma, and we all know that's where it's going.  He just seems like a fancy-free ass, doing whatever he pleases and turning people's judgments back against them.  I'm a little prejudged because I miss the old sheriff.  He's never coming back, but he was much cuter and his personality didn't bother me as much (despite he was doing the Mayor).  They have drinks by the magic well, while he tries to get Emma to believe in magic and such.  Eye roll.  He's also seen earlier tampering with Henry's fairy tale book.  Hmm...  I wonder what pages he took out and put in?

I'm glad that Emma finds it a little more than strange (according to her face) that the book randomly showed up underneath her car.  I hope that it doesn't turn out that Booth is working for the Mayor.  I doubt it because she didn't seem like she wanted Henry to get the book back; she gave him a video game.  So you'd rather your son play video games than read a book?  Wow, lady.  Who cares if you're trying to hide your secret, your parent methods are off.

At the very end we see that Kathryn doesn't make it out of Storybrook.  Actually, the town should be renamed after a line Kathryn had: "If I Stay Here, I'll Never Be Happy" Town.  The Frederick in the current lifetime finds her car (of course!), but Kathryn is missing.  I can't imagine that she'll be found dead because it won't much add to the story.  If she's alive, she can still give David a little hell while finding her true love.  We'll just have to see.

This was a good episode, despite that I was angry at David through most of it.  Things are getting pretty good.

Dave Tries to Get Leslie And Tom Tries To Get Ann

Parks and Recreation, S04E15

Good episode!  We had Leslie stuck in an awkward love triangle with her ex and current boyfriend, we had Andy trying to compose the best campaign song ever, and we had Tom trying to get together with Ann.  Also, Ron was trying to hide his secret persona, Duke Silver.  All interesting stories.

I'll start first with the campaign team at the recording studio with Andy.  I liked how intense Andy was getting, who is known for being laid back about pretty much everything.  He was pretty much acting like a tyrant, not accepting anything less than perfect singing.  The worst singing of all (or at least the only that they let us hear) was Chris' version of "Take Me Out To The Ball Game."  Not only were the words wrong (I think), but he was singing too deliberately.  I expected him to be a little better, but at least it matched his over-the-top personality.  Surprisingly, Andy gave him the thumbs up during a time when he was being the hardest on everyone ever.  April seemed to enjoy his demand for perfection, especially when he told the band to play the song each time perfectly:

God, that was hot nonsense.

Andy got frustrated about the quality of the song, but good ol' Ron came to the rescue!  He sent Andy to clear his head and then added his own sax track to the song.  Andy was blown away and no one (except Jerry who got his eardrums incapacitated by some cymbals) knew of Duke Silver's existence.

While they were all practicing in the studio, Tom was trying to get Ann to be his sweetheart.  Back at the office Tom had several horrible nicknames for her, despite that they had only went on one date.  These included "Cookie Tush," "Annberry Sauce," and "Tommy's Girl."  I felt bad for him, even though he was jumping the gun; his cutesy voice saying, "I  feel like you're embarrassed of me," made me want to just hug him.  Aziz Ansari is a pro at playing a character like Tom where the guy is repulsive, yet adorable at the same time.  He's like a hamster trying to throw lame pickup lines at you.  You have to admire his tenacity from changing his Facebook status to "it's complicated" to waiting out in the rain for Ann and getting the "sniffies."

I thought Tom wouldn't have a shot in hell until he was real with Ann (and stopped acting crazy like texting everyone about them dating) for about five seconds.  But after Tom starts singing this ridiculously cute and dorky song, Ann is finally worn down.

The only thing I'm wondering about now besides how Tom will manage to keep Ann is why Chris needed to "adjust" to the information that Tom is "dating" Ann now.  So his improved positive attitude is related to Ann?  If he's going to fight Tom one day for Ann, that's going to be such a great episode.  They're such different people, so I wouldn't know who she would choose.  They're equally crazy in their own way and attractive guys in their own ways.  I guess since Ann is a beautiful girl it's not a stretch at all that at least 2 men would be after her.

Leslie, too, is had problems with 2 men: Dave and Ben.  Not that Ben is really a problem beyond his irrational fear of police.  He really needs to shut that trap when he's talking to one of them!  Anyway, Dave's return to this show is awkward from the very second he gets on the screen until the end.  I love it.  After he tells them that he'll enjoy a frozen burrito from a gas station, Leslie blurts out a dinner invitation to him.  Ben isn't very threatened beyond the fact that Dave is a cop.  In fact, the two seem to get along pretty well at dinner until Dave blurts out his love for Leslie (a lot of that going on) and ruins the good thing they had going.  Ben was none the wiser of how much Dave wanted to get Leslie back until he handcuffs him to the urinal!  I loved that!  It was especially good when Leslie found out and Dave had to explain himself.  Dave just reminds me of someone who's never had a girlfriend before and is too confused to know how to woo a girl.  He was pretty cute in that scene.

Before Dave traps Ben in the bathroom, I really like the complicated conversation they all have about talking to each other in private.  It was so confusingly funny.

Later at the retirement part for the police chief, Dave and Leslie have a heart-to-heart and he understands that the "shrimpy" Ben is a good guy for her after all.  I wonder if he's going to stay on the show for a little while as the new police chief.  I'd love for him to keep picking on Ben.

The best picking-on-Ben moment was when these 2 police officers offered him a beer.  One was saying it was polite to have one because it was a retirement party, but the other was warning him not to break up the law and drink if he was going to drive.  Ben was so hopeless and begged them to just tell him which answer was correct in that situation.  Poor awkward Ben!

Lastly, I just want to say how I loved Andy's version of honey and tea, which was nothing but a cup of honey.  So gross, but it was funny.

Freaking love this show!

Spaghetti and Murder Ball

 Archer, S03E05

This week's Archer was a murder mystery.  There was little spy action this time, but it was still a good story.  Mallory has a dead Italian prime minister in her apartment and calls Archer and Lana to help.

Although the circumstances of the dead body in the room are bizarre and freaky (in a sexual way), I think it's interesting that Archer can't concentrate on anything but the sexual oddity of it all.  He can't seem to get the idea of the guy having a dildo up his ass out of his mind.  Frankly, if he didn't talk about it so much, they all might have forgotten about it (us too, since we couldn't see that).  Archer has some real psychological problem concerning his mother and sex.  Not that anyone really wants to think about their parents having sex, but they all have or obviously we wouldn't be here.  You'd think after all the endless trysts that Mallory has been involved in over the years that Archer would be a little numb to it.  At least he didn't throw up this time.

Things take an unexpected turn when Archer has the hankering for spaghetti and meatballs (his racism never ceases to amaze me).  They all go into the kitchen and start cooking up some, very casual about the dead man in the "zentai" (must be Japanese from "zen" meaning "entire" and "tai" for "the body").  Mallory also shows us that Archer's racism is probably genetic with her dislike of the Irish.  Last Christmas she refused to give the super a bonus and slammed the door in his face.  I liked this because it was such a Christmas Carol moment.  This was reinforced by the super's son hobbling next to him on crutches and saying,

[Son] Will I get the operation now, Da?
[Super] No, Son.  You're gonna die.

Damn.  She is cold-hearted.  She continues to express her prejudice against the Irish when Archer asks her if she has a potato and she remarks that it isn't Christmas (which is what she gave the Super).  The detective who shows up later of Irish-decent receives her instant repulsion.  What exactly did the Irish ever do to her??

Archer and Lana don't buy her story, but she asks them to cut up and dispose of the body.  They both refuse.  It's good that they have some kind of standards, despite that they do some crazy stuff sometime.  Instead, after Mallory sobs (who cares, but I guess they do), they get Krieger to come.  Not only does he seem to have a handle on the problem, he is actually excited about doing it (in a way that Archer suggests is slightly sexual in nature--eww).  The others at ISIS show up after Kreiger tricks them into thinking they will be attending a surprise party.  Uh...how dumb are these people? 

The best is when the cops show up, and everyone jumps into character as her dinner guests, enjoying spaghetti and dressed in Mallory's clothes.  I find it offensive that Lana has to be the maid, and it's the whore-iest maid outfit ever!  We have no idea why Mallory has that; there's no way that it looks as good on Lana as it does on her.  Eww...  Concerning the ISIS crew playing the part as dinner guests, they barely get by as not suspicious.  Carol, however, risks them being discovered with her horrible, over-the-top acting.  You'd think a bitch from a rich family would know how to imitate them a little more naturally.  Before this scene is over, Cyril complains about being dragged into yet another unsavory situation:

[Cyril] I hate you all so much.
[Ray] No one cares, Figgis.  You're only invited to round out the numbers.

I liked Ray with his accent and cigarette holder.  He should keep those while he remains in his wheelchair.  However, I'm about ready for him to be out of it.  Cyril is such a whiney, little bitch.  At least with Ray he's got attitude, but can actually perform like a decent spy.

Krieger successfully divides up the body and prepares it for all the others to transport out of the house before the detective can find out what happened.  However, Lana smartly realizes that it makes sense that Mallory intentionally had everyone come over and called the cops so that she would have a cover for the murder.  We're not entirely sure, but it looks like Mallory killed the prime minister to get revenge for someone who might have been Archer's father!  Huh.  I wonder if this will ever come up again.  The mystery of Archer's father is something I'm pretty interested in.  I wonder if he was an asshole like his son or if Archer is just a product of a fatherless life and a screwed-up mother.

If I could have asked for anything else in this episode, it might have been for that fake dinner party to have a little more screen time.  However, that is not much of a complaint to me.  It was good that in the end Mallory seemed to be a bigger mastermind than any of them gave her credit for.  She may be kind of a whore, but she's a smart whore.

BBall Battle

Big Bang Theory, S05E17

Wow, I have to admit that Big Bang has been pretty good lately.  This week's episode was probably one of my favorites.  The two stories were about Sheldon and Kripke fighting over an office and Penny being unable to tell Amy that she didn't like her gift.  Usually I would hate stories that focused too much on Sheldon and Penny, but these were too funny to let their usual character annoyances bother me.

First I'll talk about Penny's problem.  Amy gets her a little something, and it's no surprise that it's more than a little something.  In fact, it's a $3000 portrait of the two of them.  And it's huge.  She has no choice but to put it up in her apartment to spare Amy's feelings, but when she talks to Bernadette, she realizes she has to come clean about it or hide the painting after Amy leaves each time.  I liked that Penny tried to use Bernadette as an excuse why she couldn't hang it up.  Her idea was that Bernadette would be jealous.  Bernadette quickly and smartly refused the idea, afraid that Amy might get her one.  Oo.  That is a serious fear.  Especially since the portrait makes Penny look like a transvestite, according to Bernadette.

I knew it wouldn't take long for Amy to discover that Penny hated it, but I was surprised how quickly she grabbed her giant portrait and ran back to her apartment.  Penny is a horrible liar.  Amy wouldn't have had to find out why she took down their portrait, if only she used a fraction of her brain.  Back at Amy's apartment, Penny fails to nicely let Amy know her true feelings and instead cops out and makes Bernadette the scapegoat anyway!  Amy falls for this lie, but thankfully since Penny is being kinda evil to throw Bernadette into the equation, Amy doesn't give a damn about Bernadette's feelings.  Wow.  She really does love Penny.  I think that Penny is lucky to have Amy, despite that she is a little over-enthusiastic.  And pretty creepy (who commissions a naked picture of yourself and your best friend!).  When push comes to shove, I'm pretty sure that Amy would rush to her side and help her out when she needed it.  When it comes to girlfriends, you have to have someone like that.

Now onto the main story about Sheldon and Kripke.  You gotta love Kripke with his Elmer Fudd-sounding self.  He's one of the few scientists at their university who doesn't seem like the biggest nerd on the planet. And he's hardly intimidated by Sheldon and refuses to let him have the Rothman office just because he claimed seniority.  They later go to the president while he was in the bathroom.  The president didn't give a damn about their squabble.  So they had no choice but to battle it out themselves.

Sheldon was being his usual insane self by proclaiming that if Kripke didn't listen to reason and let him have the office, he would poison his tea.  Good God!  Do you need to murder someone just to get an office of your own??  He really is like a step away from being mad scientist, causing havoc to all of the innocent townspeople.  They eventually settle on a contest where they are both equally disadvantaged: sports.  For some reason, I would have thought that Kripke was a little more athletic.  This episode removed any idea of that for me.

Leonard takes them to play basketball.  They are the worst players ever!  Not only do they cower away from the ball when Leonard first passes it to them, but they couldn't put the ball in the basket if the basket was on the ground and 1 foot away from them!  I was laughing pretty much the entire time, but my favorite part was when Kripke dribbles across the court and then straight into the wall:

Time.  Ran out of room.

LOL!  Thankfully, after they are all sweaty from their fumbling around, Leonard suggests that the person who bounces the ball the highest in the air will win.  Sheldon manages to win that.  As silly as the outcome of their battle is, I doubt anyone would dare try to overturn the results.  That was more than enough to declare Sheldon the winner after their horrible basketball playing.

To my delight, karma had plans for Sheldon.  His new office was, in fact, horrible.  We knew this as soon as we saw the ex-employee Rothman standing naked behind Sheldon's door when he first came in.  Of all the problems that Sheldon described from the room, including a mysterious hole, uncontrollable temperature, and vibrations from the geology lab above, my favorite complaint was the one he had with the mockingbird trying to imitate the song of a wind chime.  According to Sheldon, the bird was out of tune and was intentionally mocking him.  God, he is a nutcase!  But he is too stubborn with all of these problems to give up the office to Kripke and move back in with Raj.

Speaking of Raj, who didn't have much of a role in this episode, it was funny how he admired the naked Rothman at the beginning of the episode.  I was expecting him to say something to support the homosexuality he sometimes gives off, but he was concentrated on the hat.  Oh, Raj.  And he's such a dork to order a Harry Potter wand on Ebay!  It turned out to be just a stick, but he eventually accepted it because it had numbers inscribed on it as if it were a real product.  He's an idiot, but I love him.

Leonard, too, had a backseat role this time, but I liked that in the end of the episode he took a picture of Sheldon with his head stuck in the wall instead of going to get help for him.  He's a nice guy because I would have kicked Sheldon in his ass and pushed him further in there.  Or tossed something on him that would have made him freak out (because he's a germaphobe).  The possibilities were endless.

Great job this week, Big Bang!  For a secondary show of mine, it's nice to see an episode of caliber of one of my primary ones.