Bitch Would Have Gotten A Quilt Up Her Ass

Parks and Recreation, S05E06

Leslie and Ben held an engagement party and tried to mend fences with Ben's hateful parents.  Chris was distraught after hearing the beautiful speech Ann gave at the party.  Tom had to prepare for a presentation for his new business to show to Ron.

I had a lot of good laughs from this episode, which I will discuss shortly.  First, I just gotta say how much I hated Ulani.  No question that Ben has horrible parents, but that little bitch was too rude for words.  Her ass wasn't even invited, yet Leslie welcomed her to the party with open arms.  She didn't have a sliver of gratitude and dared to question why she didn't have a square on the unity quilt.  Bitch, please!  Leslie is better than me because I would have handed her a big serving of attitude.  She had me boiling when she went on further to say that it was mean that Leslie hadn't made her a real square, when Leslie had graciously tried to squeeze her in there at the last moment.  That bitch ain't even family yet!  I don't care if she's carrying Ben's sibling in her belly--she needed to be slapped.  I'm so glad we will not see her again until the wedding, I hope.  She's one of my least favorite people that have popped up on this show.

Anyway, onto all of the great laughs I had.  My favorite part was after Ann gave her speech at the party and everyone pitched in to warn Ben:

[Ann] Ben, don’t you dare hurt her.
[Laughter]
[Ben] I won’t.[Andy] Don’t laugh.  She means it.
[Ben] Okay, I-I won’t.
[Ron] Seriously, son, don’t hurt her.
[Ben] Okay, I’m not planning on hurting her.
[Jerry] You better not be.
[Ben] I’m not!
[Donna] Hey, Ben, you best watch yourself.
[Ben] Why would any of you think I would hurt Leslie?

 I love when they all team up to show love for Leslie!  And anytime Ben can be made nervous, it's all the better.  I think Andy's addition was the best because you know it's no joke when he's being serious.  Such a great scene.

Chris was also being pretty funny in the episode.  I liked when he was hugging Leslie and Ben at the beginning because Ben's face was so uncomfortable at that time!  And Ben's expression was just as funny when Andy hugged them and Chris joined in a little later.  But Chris' best moments were when he was moping around at the party.  Rob Lowe is so good at making me sympathetic but also chuckling at the same time.  I liked his reaction when he reached the end of the tissues:

There’s no more tissue--everything ends.

With him crying over that, I wanted to hug him, while laughing into his shoulder.  Poor Chris and his overly emotional self.  He was funny, too, when eating shrimp:

[Chris] Wow, that’s amazing.[Ann]  See? There you go.[Chris]  This one’s not as good.

A grown man getting depressed over shrimp not being that good just tickles me.  It also reminds me of that great moment when Ron and Stephen Wyatt eyed each other when both approached the last piece of shrimp at the same time.  Loved it.

What I also loved concerning Ron was that he decided to give Tom a chance without even listening to his pitch.  Tom had proven himself by cutting his business ties with Jean-Ralphio and that was enough.  I just liked Ron's general contempt for J-R in the first place.  Tom couldn't have done more to impress him if he had cut his own lumber and built a table out of it.  Thanks to Ron, we'll get to see how "Rent-A-Swag" will fare as a business.  It couldn't be any worse than Entertainment 720 (which was a hilariously money-down-the-drain failure).

 This episode only could have been made better if Leslie had shoved Ulani's makeshift square down her throat the second time she dared complain about it.  Can't take such ridiculous bitches, but the PAR crew is so hilarious that her existence couldn't bring down the overall quality of the episode.  Ron didn't really say anything great in this episode, but he was great in the way he decided to take stake in Tom's future.  And perhaps there's a happy future for Chris soon.  I want to hope for that, but I also get a kick out of his overly dramatic misery as well.  Whether sad or happy, gotta love Chris!