Cartman Needs To Quit The Matchmaking Business

South Park, S16E07

A new girl named Nichole came to their school, and Cartman was determined to hook her up with Token, since they were both black.  He went through a lot of trouble to make that happen, including telling Nichole that Kyle (her initial crush) was his boyfriend and locking Token and Nichole in the boys' locker room together.  After wondering if they were just together because they were the only two black kids at school and worried about people looking at them as if it was a given they were together, they split up.  Kyle tried to date Nichole after that (despite all the rumors that he was dating Cartman in secret), but Cartman ruined their date with a big confession to Kyle over the megatron.  In the end, Nichole and Token decided to get back together simply because they liked each other and nothing else mattered.

I guess if you consider the kind of person that Cartman is, his actions in this story could be considered sweet.  If only he wasn't focusing matches on race, you might think that Cartman had a shred of decency in him.  Besides him forcing the hand of fate with people's love lives based on color of skin, he took away Kyle's chance to ever get together with Nichole.  He wouldn't even consider the idea that they might be a better couple because he was too concerned with skin color.  Felt bad for Kyle because he was getting excited about have some female attention, but all of that was due to Cartman lying about them being Kyle's boyfriend.

What I find really funny about Cartman spreading that lie is the ease in which he declared his love and ownership of Kyle.  He wasn't just convincing enough for Nichole who didn't know him any better than any other boy at school, but he convinced me.  Cartman is pretty obsessed with Kyle in general, even if it is always in a negative way.  Maybe the reason why he is always giving Kyle a hard time and trying to make him look like a fool is because he has a secret crush on Kyle.  I'm just saying--Cartman may be a psycho and a pathological liar, but he's not that good of an actor.  Also, the rest of his schoolmates must have thought Kyle and Cartman have some kind of chemistry because there seemed to be few who didn't believe it (Token even thought Kyle was trying to hit on him).

Regarding Cartman's imaginary friend, Cupid Cartman, it only shows that Cartman is never playing with a full deck of cards.  He wasn't just talking and playing with it, but he imagined it taking a dump in the toilet and thought he had its dead body in a shoe box in his closet.  I liked when he beat the crap out of it when he lost his faith in love after Token and Nichole broke up.  He really commits to his delusions, I'll give him that.  However, the best thing that Cupid Cartman did was suggest that the poster girl for halitosis was his perfect match.  I thought Kyle would be the one to give Cartman a little payback for all of his meddling, but once again, Cartman is his own worst enemy.  I thought it was an appropriate ending to a good episode.

I don't have any complaints really for this episode.  It was nice to see a story about how even dating within your own race could make people judge you on terms of race.  It was mostly a Cartman-centered episode, but that was a good thing because he needed to be alone in his insanity so that it could fester to a comedic point.  Even if he was doing things for his own twisted reasons, I'm fairly sure that he has some unresolved feelings for Kyle that he isn't being honest about.  Not sure that Kyle is on board for that, but it's still pretty funny to think about it.

Peter and Brian: True Blue Friends

Family Guy, S10E17

Basically, the answer to the question that no one was probably wondering beyond Stewie was given last Sunday:  Are Peter and Brian friends of convenience or friends through and through?  Well, through the magic of science, Peter and his buddies are thrown into a world by themselves where a spoof newspaper article makes the others think that Peter is an evil, human-destroying alien.  It was very interesting to see how these four would get along if their memories were wiped and they were the sole residents of the world.  It was a little eerie in a Twilight Zone-like way and funny in the regular Family Guy way.

I think what I liked the best was when Quagmire was trying to teach Brian "gimme paw," and it took forever.  Brian contrasts his normal dog qualities by blurting out some pseudo-intelluctual crap afterwards before Quagmire tells him to shut up.  No surprise that the deep-rooted hatred that Quagmire has for Brian still manages to seep out even though they don't have their memories back.  Two other gags that I enjoyed were Peter pulling out the Chex Mix to see if anyone else was around, and the revised "Who Else But Quagmire?" joke ("Who Else But Shirt Pants?").  However, I will say that the oddity of their situation and whether the mystery would be revealed was a lot more interesting to me than the comedy in this episode.

What I didn't particularly like was the "shock" joke this time.  There was a cutaway to a gorilla petting a kitten next to a pile of dead ones it had already torn to bits.  So gross.  It's very hard for me to laugh at a dead animal or one suffering in a bloody manner.  I would have preferred that Peter had just told us that had happened rather than us having to see the death pile.

Also, I didn't much care for the ending of this episode where the girls were put in the same scenario as the guys, but all they were doing was fighting and pulling each others' hair.  Apparently they hadn't even tried to name each other.  What bullcrap.  As if women would naturally just hate each other and not work together.  I think women would fight less if men were out of the picture.  Damn you, Seth MacFarlane, and your anti-women position.  Sometimes when I stop to think about it (which I do more now that he has more than one show where I can compare the women characters he's made), it irritates me how women are represented in SF world.  But then again, it's just a cartoon.  It's nothing to march about.  Still, I wish he would have a women character who wasn't in a position where it seemed like she was ranked lower than her husband (or father).

Anyway, I was a little touched by how deep Peter and Brian's friendship turned out to be.  Brian may be an asshole most of the time, but he does love Peter, and the feeling is mutual.  Brian took a damn bullet for him.  Sometimes you might question whether Peter has a heart, but seeing his best friend die before his eyes and all the tears, you know that his love for Brian is more than that of a pet.  It's a nice change of pace because they haven't really had a moment where if you were soft-hearted enough you might just say, "Aww" while watching Family Guy.  They used to have touching family moments like this in the first season, but the eventually disregarded this for a general feeling of tolerated hatred among the family (or indifference, at best).

Although this episode reminds me a little of when Stewie killed Lois (it all turned out to be a simulation), I still thought it was good in general.  I wouldn't mind more of this style where things are unusual for a reason you can't determine right away, nor would I mind a little more sentimental stories (if not to offset all the stories where the characters are being jerks to one another).  We're fast approaching the end of this season, and I'd hate to see it end with me disliking more episodes than I liked.

Send That Dolphin Back To The Ocean

Family Guy, S10E14

 I had heard (through some tweets) that Ricky Gervais would guest star on the last episode of Family Guy, so I was anticipating a laugh fest.  I really wish that I hadn't gotten my hopes up at all.  While I did enjoy hearing Ricky's voice, I didn't care much for most of the jokes this time.  Something was missing, but I'm not sure what.

Peter and the boys go to fish out some recently sunk Mercedes from the harbor, but pull out a dolphin named Billy instead.  Billy gets Peter a hood ornament and owes him a favor in return.  The favor turns out to be a place to stay on the surface.  The side story was about Stewie's ghetto preschool and Brian's absent attempt to help him.

I'll talk about the side story first.  The head of the preschool, Miss Emily, turns out to be a young, attractive girl with the brains of a squid, exactly Brian's type.  Not again!  So he does his regular thing of acting like a selfish douche bag, while ignoring the horrible conditions Stewie and the other kids have to go through.  The best of these horrible conditions were a random guy coming into their school and kidnapping a baby, a little boy playing with a piece of wood and a nail, and Stewie having his arm ripped out of its socket.  You would think that when Stewie came home with an arm hanging down to the floor, Brian's conscience would come back, but nope.  He just sinks lower and gags Stewie's mouth with paper and pops his arm back into place against his will.  Although Stewie is a sadistic, evil little baby, he's really a good friend because he doesn't seek revenge against Brian for thinking with his dick rather than his heart.  Actually, he's done some horrible things to Brian before for less, but I guess sometimes Stewie has to act like a baby with little power.

There was one really good line Stewie had about the preschool.  This was when Brian was stupidly defending Emily by saying she was teaching them independence:

We're 1!  Independence means we die!

Brian only comes to his senses when Emily reveals her boyfriend.  Damn you, Brian.  You're such a sorry excuse for a dog!  When she is taken away by the police, he tells her there's a special place in hell for people like her.  If that isn't the pot calling the kettle black.  It's a good thing that Brian doesn't believe in hell because he'd have a lot of things to atone for in the afterlife.  I'd like to see Brian do something outrageous like date a good girl based on her personality, rather than her looks.  But that would be asking too much.  Stewie even thanks Brian for calling the police without making comments that he took his sweet time.  Then they do a crazy freeze frame and plan to stay like that until Lois and Peter finish their conversation.  Loved that little bit.

Peter having a house guest in the main story starts off well for him.  For me, I didn't see the addition of Billy to the Griffin household being that funny.  I almost cracked a smile when Billy said that he understood that they were supposed to all hate Meg through his excellent intuition and by Peter telling him in the hall.  But for the most part, I was bored.  Ricky had a lot of fish puns that were bad, but made me smile because it was him saying them with his infectious laugh, but the more annoying he got, the less I liked him around.  He just didn't annoy anyone in a really amusing way.  At one moment Trisha Takanawa came to harpoon him, and they had this little jingle that went "Japan!  They Kill Things That We Like!"  I had to laugh, as slightly offensive as that was.  I say "slightly" because if you've been watching this show for this many years, you shouldn't be offended by anything they do anymore because they say horrible things about everyone.

They finally get Billy to go back to the ocean when they find out he was kicked out by his wife, and they help him out.  What I found interesting about this was not that Joe helplessly dropped down to the ocean as King Neptune, but was that there was a tender moment in FG, and it involved dolphins.  I feel like it's been a while since they had a heartwarming moment in this show with any of the Griffin members.  Maybe that's not what this show is about; they'd rather be "real."  I dunno.  This is one reason I like The Simpsons better overall; no matter what bad things the characters do, they show that they love each other.  Where's the love, FG??

I was grossed out a bit when Peter smashed 2 birds wiith one big stone.  Man, I can never quite get used to those sort of things in the Seth MacFarlane shows.  All of a sudden there's something bloody going on, and you have to scrunch your face together in disgust.  However, that little moment was probably one of the best things in this episode.

I also will give them credit for being creative with their cutaways.  It was nice that they showed you the script for one of them and didn't animate the scene.  That hasn't been done, as far as I know, so I enjoyed the originality.  Wasn't that funny, but it showed that the writers are always thinking.

Well, it was stupid of me to think that a guest star I liked would necessary mean a good episode.  Thanks for letting me down this week, FG.  I won't get my hopes up again.

Prince Charming In One Life, Prince Scum In Another

 Once Upon A Time, S01E13

 

The focus of this episode was the love triangle of Mary Margarette, David, and Kathryn.  Just when I thought their situation had hit a wall, things got into motion again.  I've been a little unhappy with David sitting on the fence for a while, and Mary Margarette getting sucked into the fantasy of a possible romance with him.  I should feel sorry for Kathryn, who is probably the most innocent in all of this, but I just don't like her.  My love of MM (Mary Margarette) automatically makes me take her side.

Anyway, at the beginning there are a few seconds of a stiff dinner between Kathryn and David before she tells him that she plans to move to Boston and go to law school.  We know that she'll never make it out alive or unharmed, so that's never going to happen.  Well, instead of telling his wife what his true feelings are, he lies and then goes out for a night stroll with MM.  He wants her advice about what to do and has little plan of his own!  God, get a spine, David!  After he acts like a bitch, refusing to make up his mind, he tells MM that he chooses her and will tell Kathyrn the truth.  Yay!  Finally!  ...Or so we thought.

Later, David goes to Kathyrn to break things off, but instead of being a decent person, he tries to be the "nice guy" and tell her that nothing is going on.  The two of them just can't connect, and he doesn't know why.  What??  David!!  I'm starting to hate his weak ass!  It's not as if Kathryn might not have understood, given that she saw that MM was falling for her husband months ago.

But I have to say that MM has been living in Naive Land.  She tells Emma that she thought that she was being discreet with her secret relationship with David.  Please!  I'm sure everyone was simply pretending not to notice out of convenience.  However, no one was looking the other way when Kathryn found out about the affair (thanks to Mayor Break-Hearts) and slaps MM right at school.  Thanks to that she quickly becomes the town whore, complete with "TRAMP" painted on her car so that the 2 people in town that might not have heard will definitely know.  David was "heroically" trying to wash it off before she gets there, but he should have been on his knees begging for her forgiveness!  He just made excuses and hardly seemed apologetic for the scarlet letter MM now had on her back.

I wish I could have been sad when MM breaks it off with David.  I felt bad that she felt like a foolish piece of crap, for about the second or third time.  I suspect this time will be for good, or until David can become a man.  I could stand for them to be apart for another 5 or so episodes, at least.  Actually, I hope that something terrible happens to him because I'm sick of him hurting MM and his only punishment being that he's unhappy.  He could stand to be more than that, as far as I'm concerned.

Concerning their alter lives, Prince Charming seems like a total different person.  He's not a fraction of the asshole that David is.  I would question they were the same person if that wouldn't be moronic.  Anyway, we find out that Abigail isn't just a stuck-up bitch, but someone who, like Charming, also experienced a lost love.  That was a nice twist because it allowed me to feel a little sympathy for her.  Charming volunteers to save her love, Frederick, who has been turned into gold from Midas' touch.  Seems like quite a thing to do for a woman he didn't care about, but his backup plan is to die on the mission.  Guess that's all he can hope for if Snow isn't in his life.

Charming's encounter with the "beast" of the lake, was predictable.  Don't ask me why, but I knew that a woman would come out of the water.  I didn't expect it to take on the form of people he knew, nor did I think that he would be fooled for a second when it turned into Snow.  How damn lonely is he that he has to make out with a lake demon just because it looked like Snow??  I was rolling my eyes at his stupidity.  But I guess it wouldn't make for good TV if he defeated the beast too easily.  He nearly drowned, but he was able to stab the thing before he ran out of breath.  I kept wondering what the beast really looked like.  I couldn't see while it was underwater.  I guess it's not that important, though.

With the magic water, Frederick is brought back to life.  I'm not sure how long it's been since he has been turned into gold, but I felt like he should had a huge need to pee or something.  I dunno.  I'm not familiar with the rules of turning into gold.  It was a happy ending for Abigail and Frederick, but Charming still had to deal with the fact that his foster father was going to come after him.

And come after him he did!  Is this kingdom really that poor that the king himself needs to come out and chase after people?  Either that or the King was really pissed at him.  This indicates that we won't see the happy ending for Snow and Charming for a while.  Oh, well.

Regarding other things in this episode, Emma starts to learn more about the mysterious writer who came to town:  August W. Booth.  I don't like him for Emma, and we all know that's where it's going.  He just seems like a fancy-free ass, doing whatever he pleases and turning people's judgments back against them.  I'm a little prejudged because I miss the old sheriff.  He's never coming back, but he was much cuter and his personality didn't bother me as much (despite he was doing the Mayor).  They have drinks by the magic well, while he tries to get Emma to believe in magic and such.  Eye roll.  He's also seen earlier tampering with Henry's fairy tale book.  Hmm...  I wonder what pages he took out and put in?

I'm glad that Emma finds it a little more than strange (according to her face) that the book randomly showed up underneath her car.  I hope that it doesn't turn out that Booth is working for the Mayor.  I doubt it because she didn't seem like she wanted Henry to get the book back; she gave him a video game.  So you'd rather your son play video games than read a book?  Wow, lady.  Who cares if you're trying to hide your secret, your parent methods are off.

At the very end we see that Kathryn doesn't make it out of Storybrook.  Actually, the town should be renamed after a line Kathryn had: "If I Stay Here, I'll Never Be Happy" Town.  The Frederick in the current lifetime finds her car (of course!), but Kathryn is missing.  I can't imagine that she'll be found dead because it won't much add to the story.  If she's alive, she can still give David a little hell while finding her true love.  We'll just have to see.

This was a good episode, despite that I was angry at David through most of it.  Things are getting pretty good.

Dave Tries to Get Leslie And Tom Tries To Get Ann

Parks and Recreation, S04E15

Good episode!  We had Leslie stuck in an awkward love triangle with her ex and current boyfriend, we had Andy trying to compose the best campaign song ever, and we had Tom trying to get together with Ann.  Also, Ron was trying to hide his secret persona, Duke Silver.  All interesting stories.

I'll start first with the campaign team at the recording studio with Andy.  I liked how intense Andy was getting, who is known for being laid back about pretty much everything.  He was pretty much acting like a tyrant, not accepting anything less than perfect singing.  The worst singing of all (or at least the only that they let us hear) was Chris' version of "Take Me Out To The Ball Game."  Not only were the words wrong (I think), but he was singing too deliberately.  I expected him to be a little better, but at least it matched his over-the-top personality.  Surprisingly, Andy gave him the thumbs up during a time when he was being the hardest on everyone ever.  April seemed to enjoy his demand for perfection, especially when he told the band to play the song each time perfectly:

God, that was hot nonsense.

Andy got frustrated about the quality of the song, but good ol' Ron came to the rescue!  He sent Andy to clear his head and then added his own sax track to the song.  Andy was blown away and no one (except Jerry who got his eardrums incapacitated by some cymbals) knew of Duke Silver's existence.

While they were all practicing in the studio, Tom was trying to get Ann to be his sweetheart.  Back at the office Tom had several horrible nicknames for her, despite that they had only went on one date.  These included "Cookie Tush," "Annberry Sauce," and "Tommy's Girl."  I felt bad for him, even though he was jumping the gun; his cutesy voice saying, "I  feel like you're embarrassed of me," made me want to just hug him.  Aziz Ansari is a pro at playing a character like Tom where the guy is repulsive, yet adorable at the same time.  He's like a hamster trying to throw lame pickup lines at you.  You have to admire his tenacity from changing his Facebook status to "it's complicated" to waiting out in the rain for Ann and getting the "sniffies."

I thought Tom wouldn't have a shot in hell until he was real with Ann (and stopped acting crazy like texting everyone about them dating) for about five seconds.  But after Tom starts singing this ridiculously cute and dorky song, Ann is finally worn down.

The only thing I'm wondering about now besides how Tom will manage to keep Ann is why Chris needed to "adjust" to the information that Tom is "dating" Ann now.  So his improved positive attitude is related to Ann?  If he's going to fight Tom one day for Ann, that's going to be such a great episode.  They're such different people, so I wouldn't know who she would choose.  They're equally crazy in their own way and attractive guys in their own ways.  I guess since Ann is a beautiful girl it's not a stretch at all that at least 2 men would be after her.

Leslie, too, is had problems with 2 men: Dave and Ben.  Not that Ben is really a problem beyond his irrational fear of police.  He really needs to shut that trap when he's talking to one of them!  Anyway, Dave's return to this show is awkward from the very second he gets on the screen until the end.  I love it.  After he tells them that he'll enjoy a frozen burrito from a gas station, Leslie blurts out a dinner invitation to him.  Ben isn't very threatened beyond the fact that Dave is a cop.  In fact, the two seem to get along pretty well at dinner until Dave blurts out his love for Leslie (a lot of that going on) and ruins the good thing they had going.  Ben was none the wiser of how much Dave wanted to get Leslie back until he handcuffs him to the urinal!  I loved that!  It was especially good when Leslie found out and Dave had to explain himself.  Dave just reminds me of someone who's never had a girlfriend before and is too confused to know how to woo a girl.  He was pretty cute in that scene.

Before Dave traps Ben in the bathroom, I really like the complicated conversation they all have about talking to each other in private.  It was so confusingly funny.

Later at the retirement part for the police chief, Dave and Leslie have a heart-to-heart and he understands that the "shrimpy" Ben is a good guy for her after all.  I wonder if he's going to stay on the show for a little while as the new police chief.  I'd love for him to keep picking on Ben.

The best picking-on-Ben moment was when these 2 police officers offered him a beer.  One was saying it was polite to have one because it was a retirement party, but the other was warning him not to break up the law and drink if he was going to drive.  Ben was so hopeless and begged them to just tell him which answer was correct in that situation.  Poor awkward Ben!

Lastly, I just want to say how I loved Andy's version of honey and tea, which was nothing but a cup of honey.  So gross, but it was funny.

Freaking love this show!

The Answer to the Riddle is...Ron Loves Riddles

Oh, Parks and Recreation!  I don't know why more of the people I know don't watch this show.  Of all of the shows that I'm watching nowadays, it's probably the one that makes me laugh the most.  S04E14 was no exception.  It's hard to pick which things that I loved the best!

Got to love the ongoing animosity between April and Ann.  It's getting better since she did admit in this episode that Ann's not the ugliest person in the world, but of course, April can't be openly nice to Ann because it just wouldn't be April.  She does end up listening to Leslie and giving Ann some help this episode.  Aww, they are all such good friends.  I'd be April's friend for sure.

I love that Ron's enthusiastic start of the "Get-Ann-A-Date" meeting was actually meant for his ribs.  Damnit, Ron, you are just the best!

But poor Chris!  I can't believe that Jerry's daughter broke up with him in the last episode (I got a little teary after seeing how heartbroken he was talking with April last week).  Well, actually I do.  He is crazy.  But you gotta love his upbeat personality that is so annoying to other people.  I like that Tom is not fazed by Chris being down at all and treats him like normal.  Good ol' Tom.  Chris ends up being the dj for the couples party that night.  So funny!  All of his music was intensely depressing or creepy.  Because of this development, my favorite quote of the episode came up: 

[Tom] (suggesting that Chris change the music) It kinda sounds like the end of a movie about a monk who killed himself.

[Chris] It is.

Chris eventually loosens up and switches to lighter, more appropriate music.  Not sure why.  I thought it was because he was starting to date Ann again, but it turned out to not be the case.  Maybe he saw Ann being down herself and decided that he didn't need to help her stay in her funk.  Who knows.  I love that Chris, unable to imagine anyone better than his ex-girlfriend, starts to longingly gaze at Jerry from across the room.  Thankfully Tom was there to tell him to cut that out.  Oh, Chris.

It's no surprise to me that Leslie would top Ben's present with something so specific and crazy as a cryptex.  I knew that he would never be able to crack it.  I almost thought Andy would randomly get it until Andy decided to take Ben to the smartest person he knew--Ron, of course.  Also, no surprise that Ron takes a hammer to the thing to open it so he could get his next clue about where to meet Leslie for Valentine's Day.  Classic Ron!  I was surprised that he was a little enthusiastic about finding the next clue!  I thought Ron had to secretly like riddles because he surely couldn't just want to hang out with Andy (though he did admit to enjoying his company) and Ben.  He later admits to loving riddles (after wanting to go on the record to say that he didn't).

The trio eventually splits up the work, after finding out there are like over 20 clues to get.  I liked when Ron casually goes into a gay bar and gets a clue.  He got lots of interested looks, but he paid them no mind just having such a good time solving the clues.  I did think that guy at the snow globe place was jerk; just because he didn't have a date that night and had to work doesn't mean he had to take it out on Ben.  They don't collect all the clues, but Ron smartly gives Ben the idea where to meet Leslie.  Ron was really disappointed he didn't get to solve it completely.  So cute!

Leslie and Ben decide not to go on their dinner date so they can spy on Ann's secret date.  It turns out to be Tom, whom I was thinking about earlier when he was introducing various date candiates to Ann.   Speaking of that scene, I like when Tom dismisses a guy right from the start because he introduced himself using juggling.  Great!  Anyway, Ann and Tom just have a drink, but we don't know if anything will come out of that right now.  I'm not opposed to their pairing, I'm just not so sure how great it would be.  I think Ann's a little uptight and Tom seems like a fun, innovative guy.  But who knows?  Maybe they will even each other out.

Another favorite part of the episode for me was when Ron tries to hint to Leslie that he wants a scavenger  hunt for his birthday.  I love seeing him excited!  I hope she does do that, although with Leslie she always tries to go bigger and better, so you never know what she might have in store.  If Ron's involved, though, I'm sure it will be full of laughs.  His birthday can't come soon enough!

This week's episode was great.  I'm looking forward to seeing what's up with Chris, Tom and Ann's relationship, and more Ron Swanson gold.