Bitch Would Have Gotten A Quilt Up Her Ass

Parks and Recreation, S05E06

Leslie and Ben held an engagement party and tried to mend fences with Ben's hateful parents.  Chris was distraught after hearing the beautiful speech Ann gave at the party.  Tom had to prepare for a presentation for his new business to show to Ron.

I had a lot of good laughs from this episode, which I will discuss shortly.  First, I just gotta say how much I hated Ulani.  No question that Ben has horrible parents, but that little bitch was too rude for words.  Her ass wasn't even invited, yet Leslie welcomed her to the party with open arms.  She didn't have a sliver of gratitude and dared to question why she didn't have a square on the unity quilt.  Bitch, please!  Leslie is better than me because I would have handed her a big serving of attitude.  She had me boiling when she went on further to say that it was mean that Leslie hadn't made her a real square, when Leslie had graciously tried to squeeze her in there at the last moment.  That bitch ain't even family yet!  I don't care if she's carrying Ben's sibling in her belly--she needed to be slapped.  I'm so glad we will not see her again until the wedding, I hope.  She's one of my least favorite people that have popped up on this show.

Anyway, onto all of the great laughs I had.  My favorite part was after Ann gave her speech at the party and everyone pitched in to warn Ben:

[Ann] Ben, don’t you dare hurt her.
[Laughter]
[Ben] I won’t.[Andy] Don’t laugh.  She means it.
[Ben] Okay, I-I won’t.
[Ron] Seriously, son, don’t hurt her.
[Ben] Okay, I’m not planning on hurting her.
[Jerry] You better not be.
[Ben] I’m not!
[Donna] Hey, Ben, you best watch yourself.
[Ben] Why would any of you think I would hurt Leslie?

 I love when they all team up to show love for Leslie!  And anytime Ben can be made nervous, it's all the better.  I think Andy's addition was the best because you know it's no joke when he's being serious.  Such a great scene.

Chris was also being pretty funny in the episode.  I liked when he was hugging Leslie and Ben at the beginning because Ben's face was so uncomfortable at that time!  And Ben's expression was just as funny when Andy hugged them and Chris joined in a little later.  But Chris' best moments were when he was moping around at the party.  Rob Lowe is so good at making me sympathetic but also chuckling at the same time.  I liked his reaction when he reached the end of the tissues:

There’s no more tissue--everything ends.

With him crying over that, I wanted to hug him, while laughing into his shoulder.  Poor Chris and his overly emotional self.  He was funny, too, when eating shrimp:

[Chris] Wow, that’s amazing.[Ann]  See? There you go.[Chris]  This one’s not as good.

A grown man getting depressed over shrimp not being that good just tickles me.  It also reminds me of that great moment when Ron and Stephen Wyatt eyed each other when both approached the last piece of shrimp at the same time.  Loved it.

What I also loved concerning Ron was that he decided to give Tom a chance without even listening to his pitch.  Tom had proven himself by cutting his business ties with Jean-Ralphio and that was enough.  I just liked Ron's general contempt for J-R in the first place.  Tom couldn't have done more to impress him if he had cut his own lumber and built a table out of it.  Thanks to Ron, we'll get to see how "Rent-A-Swag" will fare as a business.  It couldn't be any worse than Entertainment 720 (which was a hilariously money-down-the-drain failure).

 This episode only could have been made better if Leslie had shoved Ulani's makeshift square down her throat the second time she dared complain about it.  Can't take such ridiculous bitches, but the PAR crew is so hilarious that her existence couldn't bring down the overall quality of the episode.  Ron didn't really say anything great in this episode, but he was great in the way he decided to take stake in Tom's future.  And perhaps there's a happy future for Chris soon.  I want to hope for that, but I also get a kick out of his overly dramatic misery as well.  Whether sad or happy, gotta love Chris!

I'm Worried For Marvin

How I Met Your Mother, S08E04

Lily and Marshall finally got some time to themselves, but decided not to spend much of it with their friends.  The two began getting fearful of their deaths and thought they should pick a guardian for Marvin just in case.  Robin, Ted, and Barney began vying for the title of Marvin's guardian.

I would have never guessed that this episode would have led to Lily and Marshall thinking about how they would die (except I did see a commercial for this episode last week).  Nor did I think that their friends would attempt such stupid tactics to win the responsibility of taking care of Marvin in the worst-case scenario.  I mean, all Robin and Ted did was bring big ol' bears.  They didn't put much effort into their bribery.  Barney, on the other hand, put some effort into making children's songs into bro-themed lyrics, but I couldn't see how that was supposed to impress anyone.  I know it's Barney, but still--what was that?  He has to think somewhere in his head that doing that wouldn't make Lily and Marshall snap their fingers and tell him he's the one.  Out of all of them, he could have used his money to actually buy less stupid gifts than teddy bears to bribe them.  It's puzzling.  And it wasn't too funny.

Later, I was a little excited to see Marshall pull out a huge game wheel because Marshall always has the funniest games.  Plus, it's just ridiculous that anyone would make one of those in the first place.  The time he used to make that could have been spent just talking and hanging out with his friends in the first place, but, hey.  Anyway, the categories weren't especially clever, nor were the "contestants' " answers.  We all knew that Barney wouldn't provide a decent answer for most things, but I do think his approach to helping Marvin heal a broken heart was kind of funny:

I know this hurts little buddy. But you will love again someday because time heals a broken heart. But not that bitches window.

But when you think about it, Barney felt like the better choice when you had Robin, being a little too frank about death, threatening to send Marvin to military school, and shamelessly buttering up Marshall by saying he was a stud when it came to sex and Ted, mostly using a damn puppet to explain things to Marvin and caving into his every whim the moment Marvin looked a little sad.  Although, I would still never choose him.  In short, they all seemed like they would be horrible parents.  At least, if we were thinking about each of them raising Marvin by themselves, I would be really concerned about what would happen to the kid.

So I thought maybe Marshall and Lily would see that they all weren't good guardians, but they surprisingly chose them all.  I didn't know you could do that.  And also, even if they raised Marvin together, he would be a complete mess.  They're good friends, but I don't think they would necessarily teach Marvin good life lessons so he wouldn't grow up to be all the bad parts of Ted, Robin, and Barney (that mishmash would be a monster).  But I guess since Marshall and Lily had no family they could agree upon, that was the best they could do.

I also want to say that I was a little shocked that Marshall told his friends that Marvin wasn't one of the most important things in their life, but was the most important thing.  Perhaps one's child is to many parents, but to say that straight up to your friends would still feel like a slap in the face.  I had to share Ted and company's feelings when they walked out after that.  I don't ever think I've seen Marshall and Lily act like such jerks.  They made up for it, but damn.  It just bothers me when people seem to toss friendships away once they have kids.  Your kids are special, but you're not going to be able to bitch to them about your problems or go drinking with them (not while they're underage anyway) or probably hang out with them much (because they'll think you're too old and uncool).  So it doesn't make sense to me.  Good thing they patched things up some.

I guess this was an okay episode.  It distracted me from wanting to see those other two dumb relationships fall already.  I truly didn't even think about it because I was too focused on how Marshall and Lily were acting.  But next time I would like to see them get back to that and put an end to one or both of them.