Just Do It--Don't Talk!

Family Guy, S11E11

Peter and the guys had a wild night of drinking that led to Quagmire accidentally getting married to a prostitute.  At first, Quagmire tried to make their marriage work, so that he wouldn't have to lose everything in a divorce, but he changed his mind when Charmese thought he was gay.  However, she wouldn't consent on a divorce unless Quagmire proved that he was really into men.

The biggest shock about Quagmire being married isn't who he married because let's face it--him marrying a prostitute doesn't sound below the quality of life he's lived so far.  It's just weird to see him married at all.  This was true when he had that fiancee in another episode who was too crazy for Quagmire.  At least this time Quagmire was involved with a woman who didn't seem so bad, despite her profession.  I mean, she was mostly just a sight to look at.  She did refuse to divorce him unless he had sex with a man in front of her, but since Quagmire was playing her in the first place, I couldn't see her as being psycho.  She probably never intended to let it get as far as it did.

I was surprised that Peter agreed to do that for Quagmire.  He's a really good friend, even though Peter seemed sort of into it more than he was letting on.  I can't forget that he said he had been "full sail" way before he and Quagmire got into the room.  Raises an eyebrow, but not such much that I'll probably remember it by the time the next episode comes out.

More than not wanting to see Peter and Quagmire actually get it on, I just wanted them to stop narrating what they were doing and "feeling."  They made it so much more uncomfortable to watch when they were saying such unnatural things.  And when they were barfing back and forth in each others' mouths--one of the grossest parts of the story.  It definitely beat when Charmese spit on Chris' face (yuck!)

There were a few jokes that I liked in this episode.  The first was a cutaway when Peter was comparing them sticking out at Harvard to a black guy in Sweden.  Unexpectedly when they started saying "Blackin sippin," I was laughing.  It was such bad fake Swedish that it couldn't be anything else but humorous.  It almost makes me want to say that next time I see a black guy sipping from a cup.

Next, I liked when Peter was confused about Beowulf:

[Peter] Hey, was Beowulf a Teen Wolf sequel with Scott Baio? 

[Joe] No.

[Peter] Then I just totally failed that Medieval Lit midterm.

I don't know why, but any kind of joke about Beowulf that you can make is funny to me.  I guess because since high school, I've always thought that title and story were strange to me.

The last joke I liked was a parody of It's A Wonderful Life:

[Girl] Look, Daddy. Teacher says every time a bell rings, some gay guy’s gonna have sex with another gay guy. 
[Father] We’re gonna pull you out of that school.

I'd like to know what school it is that says things like that to their students.  Sounds like a bizarre place.


This was a good episode.  I wouldn't mind watching it again, except I don't really want to listen to Quagmire and Peter talk about what they're going to do to each other in bed.  If they had just been a little quieter it might have been more tolerable to watch (although, I doubt they would show Quagmire screwing Peter for real).  There were enough jokes throughout that it was generally funny, and the story itself about Quagmire was interesting enough that I wasn't entirely so concerned about laughing every few minutes.

Finally Someone Punches That Prick Pete

Mad Men, S05E05

Don was unable to turn down an invitation for dinner at Pete's where it was revealed that Cosgrove has been continuing to publish stories in his free time.  Lane introduced a possible account with Jaguar through some family connections, but a night out with prostitutes ruined the deal.  Tired of feeling like a paperweight at his own firm, Lane took out some of his frustrations by having a fist fight with Pete.  Losing that fight, as well as the attention of a high school girl he was trying to flirt with, put Pete in yet another position where he pitied himself and hated his life.

Don didn't have a big part in this episode, but the bits he did were great.  In general, Don seems to have no interest in hanging out with his coworkers after hours (who could blame him--they're generally unpleasant people with habits that encourage him to act astray).  Trudy really twisted him arm and made him come.  Don was right that Trudy could probably do a better job at closing deals than Pete.  Geez.  But it was funny to watch Don squirm and fight against going.  And he was just so adorable in the sports coat that Megan got for him!  He just doesn't seem like the sports coat kind of guy, so it was nice to see him in something other than his business suit.  Despite he was dressed for the occasion, I didn't think he would be very convincing as a guest happy to be there.  He did have a lot of drinks before he even got there.  I loved that.  But in the end, I feel like he had more fun than he expected, especially when the sink was spouting everywhere.  Not only did Don get to take off his shirt to fix it, but he basically schooled Pete in being handy.  That was the icing on the cake for me.

It was nice to see Lane trying to bring in a new client because I sometimes wonder what he does besides manage the financial books.  Pete was pretty condescending of Lane's ability to secure an account, but Roger (who probably sympathized him now that his position was becoming less important) was decent enough to give him some advice and let him try to close the deal himself.  I knew that Lane is too much of a straight man to use the tricks that Roger suggested, and it was so funny to watch him try to buddy up with the client through a common problem.  It just was sad that after he failed, Pete basically pushed him into the corner and told him that the "big dogs" were going to handle it from then on.  Maybe Lane's not the most aggressive businessman around, but at least he's not a dick like Pete.

I never thought that the guys would take the Jaguar client to a brothel.  I suppose for these guys it wasn't that surprising, but it felt a little odd watching Don sitting there alone.  I was glad that he was resisting all of the women around him, though.  I felt bad for Trudy in how easy it was for Pete to go into a room with some blonde.  It's nothing that Don surely hasn't done, but something about seeing Pete's happy wife and little girl at his home and then seeing him cheat with a woman that meant nothing to him was unsettling.  It was funny later on when the madam of the house was talking to Don and he remarked that he grew up in a whorehouse, but it wasn't as nice as the one they were at.  Just love how he answers people without editing himself much for the listener's sake.  When they were finally leaving Pete was acting like such an asshole because Don seemed like a "nun" to him.  He needed to shut up and stop trying to make Don feel bad about his past, just because he was trying to turn things around.  I didn't think that Don was looking at him with much judgment, but I think he did have the right to anyway.  Like Don said, he had the experience of ruining a good life with kids and being miserable.  If Pete could stop trying to project his own guilt onto others, maybe he could listen to Don and appreciate the life Pete has before he destroys it all (and ended up where Don was before he met Megan, which was nowhere good).

The best thing by far in this whole episode was when Lane found out that their night with the paid women had cost them the Jaguar account.  Apparently, the wife had seen some gum on his pubes, which easily told her what her husband had been doing that night.  Pete tried to whitewash it, boasting that they were just doing what Lane couldn't do in his initial dinner with the man, but Lane wasn't about to be pushed aside by the little moron anymore.  I loved Lane's line before he started to fight with Pete:

You're a grimy little pimp.  Soon as I raise my hands, I warn you, it shall be too late to run.

 Pete got in some blows on Lane, so it wasn't a one-sided fight, but Lane definitely won when he knocked him off his feet.  That was seriously one of the best fights I have seen on TV.  I was so glad that the other partners were just looking on in awe, not lifting a finger to interfere.  I think Roger was as excited to see it go down as I was.  I could watch that little fight all day long.  Was so good!

I feel like Pete deserved a good whooping.  If he hadn't done the prostitute, he might have done that high school girl he was desperately trying to get into the pants of.  It was pretty gross, even though I can't remember how old Pete is, but I know he's too old to be trolling for teenage girls.  Thank goodness that a more attractive, built, and age-appropriate guy came into their driver's ed class to cock-block him.  If anything, Pete should have felt grateful that happened before he messed around with an underage girl.  Instead, I feel like that just added to the self-pity he felt for himself.  What's there to be too depressed about?  If anything, I feel bad for Trudy if she ever finds out all the shit that Pete has done.  Starting with Peggy and ending with that prostitute.

In the elevator, Pete whined that Don didn't stop the fight because they were supposed to be friends.  Since when?  I know that Pete has always wanted Don to be his friend, but they don't have much in common beyond their job.  I almost felt bad for Pete, though, when he said that and Don had no response.  I understand why they would let Lane and Pete have it out--if Don had interfered, he might have damaged someone's manly pride, so it had to be done.  If Pete had said that to me, I might have asked him if he would have said the same thing if he had won the fight.  Probably not.  He'd be walking the halls like he was a king.  I hope that his pathetic sniveling didn't get to Don and make him think he should actually be a friend to Pete.  But why should he?  What has Pete really done for Don as a friend?  Does he deserve his friendship?

Oh, yeah.  Lane kissed Joan!  I thought maybe she was really angry about it, but she simply opened his door so that he wouldn't try anything else.  Maybe all those times she had fooled around with Roger taught her to be careful about get involved with the boss again.  Not sure.  I definitely think that Joan and Lane have something together, though.  It would be nice if they started a healthy relationship.  Not one of sneaking around in the offices (where I feel like most people can hear what you're doing anyway).

Lastly, I wonder if Cosgrove is really going to quit writing.  His narration at the end suggested that he wouldn't, but I guess if Roger's on his ass now (no thanks to Pete), he has little choice about publishing.  Though, why couldn't he just continue since no one knows his pen name except his wife and Peggy?  And Peggy isn't going to tell Pete, so why the hell not?  I'm bothered by the fact that he has to stop doing something that he likes because it happens to be something I enjoy doing.  As Cosgrove's boss, Roger has the right to call him out on things that might conflict with his employee doing his job, but I think that Cosgrove has proved that he can do both without it interfering with his job, so why not let him do as he pleases? 

One of my favorite episodes ever.  Don made me laugh, Pete got his ass kicked, and Lane stood up for himself.  I'm worried what Pete might do from now on now that his pride has been wounded and he's dropped to the lowest of low (according to himself).  Surely that can only mean trouble for the others, but I guess I don't mind as long as Don doesn't get too dragged into it all.  Don's finally getting to a pretty good place in his life--I won't stand for Pete to bring him along on his stupid sinking ship.

All Of Marks Dreams Come True...For Randall

Ugly Americans, S03E02

I have to say that this show is pretty disgusting most of the time, but I enjoy the unique concept of it.  You have to love Mark trying his best at the Department of Integration with all of these wacko monster and alien-like people.  What made this episode different from most was that he wasn't spending most of his time trying to fix someone else's problem, but rather was trying to stop Randall from achieving everything he wanted in life, including becoming Senior Social Service Coordinator and being the star of his own football team.  In other stories, Callie pimps out Leonard so she can raise enough money for a new car, and Twaine reveals his gambling problem.

Mark is by no means my favorite character on the show, but I appreciate his tolerant demeanor and ability to see good in all of the miscreants that has to reform so they are suitable members of society.  That being said, I hate that Randall takes no heed of what kind of consequence his actions have upon his roommate and best friend, and this time was no exception.  No wonder when Randall's newly equipped arm encouraged Twaine to make him a ringer for Mark's team and he got Mark's dream job that Mark started digressed into a possibly alcoholic and suicidal maniac who was desperate enough to steal football plays and join Grime's team.  I feel like when Mark was juiced up on steroids for a while he managed to get a little revenge on Randall, but not enough before he returned to his senses.  Mark needed to beat the crap out of him, really, but I guess even with his body pumped full of drugs, he's not going to get that far.  Pity.  At least Randall lost his arm in the end.

Speaking of his arm and the crappy work done on it, that Croatian guy is lucky he didn't get arrested for practicing medicine with no American-based license.  Whenever Mark can walk again, he should drive both legs into that guy's chest.  Can believe he tried to fix Mark's leg with a saw and some mustard.  Eww.  I shudder to think about the infection and the misshapen bone regrowth.

In Twaine's story, I'm reminded of how he's almost like a child in the way that he is so stupid about how the world works.  He has all this money in his desk and other places, which I wonder if it's all for bets or if it's just always there because he's the boss.  Either way, he lost all of it, I'm sure, while ignoring all the signs that he was going to lose from his bookie.  I loved that his bookie became a sort of therapist for him, saying that his need for friendship was causing him to gamble so much.  He even agreed to be Twaine's friend, but he was still going to take the money from him.  The bookie, unlike Twaine, was no dummy when it came to getting paid.  My favorite conversation between him and Twaine was after the bookie explained to him the horrible odds against the bet Twaine wanted to make with a million dollars:

[Bookie] As a bookie I'm compelled to take your bet.

[Twain] Is there a second half to that sentence? 

[Bookie] No, that's it.

The Callie story was good too.  I thought she might have had more of a problem getting Leonard to earn her enough money for her car, but she got it as fast as Leonard seemed to adapt to the prostitute lifestyle.  Her pimp walk was excellent and so was her general skills soliciting another person for profit.  I liked when she scared off the other pimp trying to recruit Leonard from her.  I was surprised that she ripped up his contract as soon as she got what she wanted and didn't milk him for all that he had.  She may be a conniving devil, but at least she's all business.

On a sort of random side note, I just have to saw how I love Doug.  He's kind of useless, but he is a cute koala man.  I liked when he said his dream was to fly, and Randall helped him achieve it by giving him a sky glider.  Although he is more or less a person, I still think he might be better suited for a zoo.

Very glad to see this show up for a third season, even though I have to cringe a lot when I watch it.  I like that they keep adding different and strange characters for Mark to add to his reform group, so it keeps things from being too predictable.  I think if you can get around the disgusting things, a lot of people would enjoy it. I know I do, and I hope it will make it to their fourth season next year too.

Grown Men's Gaming Marathon

Big Bang Theory, S05E19

For a quick minute, it looked like Sheldon was going to act like a normal boyfriend (if you can ignore that Amy had to uphold their contract agreement to request his presence) and accompany his girlfriend to a family event.  But a leopard can't change its spots.  Not if a marathon of Star Wars games is involved.  You had to feel bad for Amy, regardless if Amy knew what kind of guy she was dating.

Unexpectedly, the whip app gag was my favorite thing in this episode.  It sort of got better the more they did it, especially when Sheldon got to use it back on Howard due to Bernadette fifth-wheeling on their boys-only gaming sleepover. 

Speaking of her participation, she was kinda of cute the way she kept "girling" up their playtime.  I liked how she kept made guns with her hands, complete with shooting sound effects.  I don't like pink, but her pink laptop, too, was so Bernadette, and it was a good contrast to the nerd gang and their hardcore geek machines.

The last thing that made me chuckle was when Sheldon and Leonard discussed Grand Theft Auto and how polite they were to the prostitutes.  Sheldon had no idea that these women were selling their bodies for money:

Those women were prostitutes?  You said they were raising money for stem cell research.

Raj's meltdown wasn't that funny, but it did make me think about how pathetic he is if Sheldon can have a girlfriend of some sorts, but no one still wants Raj.  It made me realize that perhaps Raj is better about his shyness to women because his blowout happened while three women were still in the room, and he told Bernadette to hurry up and go (which she did, leaving her computer behind).

This certainly isn't in the top of my favorite stories, but it was good enough that I would want to see it again when it's up for a rerun.  Hopefully, now that Raj has shouted his frustrations about being the only single nerd left, the Big Bang Theory universe will throw him a bone and at least give him a successful encounter with a woman.  He doesn't have to get a girlfriend by the next episode, but it would be nice for him to get a little attention.  After all, what has Raj done that is so bad that even Sheldon is a bigger "playa" than him?