He's Pinocchio? That's Kinda Disappointing

Once Upon A Time, S01E20

Emma wanted to move forward with her custody battle against Regina, but Mr. Gold wouldn't help her.  She went to August for help, who said that he would show her the big picture that would help her defeat Regina.  However, Emma failed to believe that August was from the magic world, even though he proved to her that he was the little boy that saved her as an abandoned baby.  August's past life as Pinocchio was revealed, and we learned that his passage to the other world with Emma was conditional that he be the one to guide Emma to believe in the existence of magic and the world where fairy tales are true.  Regina also tried to snatch up David with a story about fate and a good dinner, but he wanted to just stay friends with her.

Finding out that August's illness was actually him turning back to wood (no doubt for all the things he failed to do that he promised) was less interesting than I was hoping his ailment would be.  It does explain why he looked like he was too stiff to get out of bed in another episode.  What was better about knowing his identity was that Mr. Gold had already figured it out and was rubbing the fact that he hadn't reconnected with his father in this world yet.  You have to enjoy that a little bit after the crap that August pulled in the previous episode.  I felt bad for the old man who did everything to protect his child, but his kid turned out to be August, rather than feeling for August who saw his father for the first time in about 28 years but couldn't exactly have the family reunion he wanted.  I just don't know why August hadn't found him before.  He's had plenty of time to look around town (I assume Storybrooke is not that big) and see everyone.

I don't know if I was too impressed by the fact that Pinocchio was the one who got to come with Emma in the magic wardrobe to the non-magic world.  I think it was a little pointless, really, that he did come because he didn't stay by her side long enough at all.  You can't blame a boy that young for wanting to escape a horrible place so he could have a chance at a better life instead of guarding a baby for 20 plus years.  That's a lot of responsibility for a boy that came to be from a damn piece of wood.  I did feel bad for Emma, left on her own, when she could have had someone always out there to take care of her.  If August had tried any time before Emma had entered Storybrooke to checkup on her or do the task he had been entrusted, I might have forgiven him.  But instead he waited until he started feeling his limbs turning back into wood to run to her side.  What a useless piece of wood he is!  Almost anyone (besides the Queen) would have been a better traveling companion for Emma.

I half wanted Emma to believe August in the woods, but I half wanted her to regard him as a nutcase because I just don't care to see him end up happy.  I don't know what the best way would have been for anyone to get Emma to believe at that point, but I don't think that showing her the tree that they exited out of to another world, was the best approach.  I did like that Emma figured out that August was the one who tampered with Henry's book.  Of course, that only made him look even less credible in her eyes.  I did expect, a little, that if Emma touched that tree she would get some kind vision of the magic world and start to believe.  Then again, Emma has no memories of that world since she was only there for a few minutes before they sent her away.  I guess she can't remember her mother's face or anything like that.

MM had a brilliant scene with Mayor Bitch, where she forgave her and both pitied her for her sad existence that only meant anything to herself through making others' suffer.  She totally detailed how pathetic and empty the Mayor's life is, and Mayor Bitch just had to stand there and listen.  Points for you, MM!  Later, when the Mayor was trying to get David in her clutches (no doubt to take a stab at MM), she was easily turned down.  All of the pity and talk of how it was fate that brought her to save him that cold night ain't gonna make him want her.  I hate David, but I give him credit for not being so stupid that he would think the universe wanted him to be with the Mayor.  Although, the misery she could have brought to his life could have been a good punishment for him.  Huh...  No, I wouldn't want MM to have to see Mayor Bitch being smug about having David when she couldn't.  It's better this way.  The Mayor might try some other scheme involving David later that might harm him.  That would be good.  Maybe if he almost dies, I might be happier that he's still living and still scum.

Emma started to drive off with Henry to leave Storybrooke!  Um...can Henry leave the town safely?  Also, that's pretty illegal, and I'm sure she'll be charged with kidnapping if they make it out of town.  If Emma thinks this is a good idea to get back at Mayor Bitch, she's crazier than she thinks August is.  I groaned when I saw her driving away.  This is going to blow up in her face so badly.

I think this episode was a little disappointing.  I wanted to see more of Mr. Gold getting August back for that crap he did last week, but he only seems to be teasing him more than anything.  August can frankly turn into a piece of wood right now and float away in a river.  He's just below David as my least favorite characters right now.  I think that Emma is going to be in a world of trouble if she manages to escape Storybrooke with Henry.  It disappoints me even more that she would resort to running instead of fighting at this point.  Something better get in her way as she tries to flee because I can't foresee her decision ending well for her or Henry.

MM Needs That Memory Wipe Potion For David

Once Upon A Time, S01E16

Last Sunday, we returned to the story about Snow and Charming after Snow had taken the potion to make her forget her love.   I had forgotten for a moment about that story since we had taken a little detour with the other stories, but I see how they tie in a little to that story seeing as Grumpy and Red are friends of Snow that help her, but we didn't know much about them before.  While the love story between Charming and Snow is gaining momentum, it's a different story in Storybrooke where I'm wondering what it's going to take for MM to send David to the curb for real.  If I thought I didn't like David before, I had no idea how much I'd wish that it had been his heart in that box and not Kathyrn's (as much as I didn't care for her).

I'll start off with the story in the other world.  It was great to see Snow almost act like a stereotypical Disney-esq princess, complete with blue bird to sing with, until she started attacking it with a broom.  That was really unexpected.  I like her transformation from a sweet girl into an angry back-talking bitch.  Better than her attacking the bird was when she attacked all her dwarf friends during Jiminy Cricket's intervention.  I forget which of them complained that she broke his mug, but her response to that ("you're lucky it's not that mug you call a face"--damn) was so funny!  The only thing that lame intervention achieved besides laughter from me was Snow's determination to get deadly revenge against the Queen.

Overlooking that the Queen deserves to be killed, I like a version of Snow White where Snow is not just hiding all the time while taking care of little men in a house.  Why not have her take the preemptive strike and take care of the Queen herself before that witch tries to poison her with an apple??  I mean, the Queen did kill her father and drive her out of her home.  I say go get that bitch!  

However, Grumpy (who might need to be renamed "All Up In Others' Business") stops her reign of terror against unsuspecting knights in the woods and takes her to Rumpelstiltskin.  Oh, yeah, Ol' Rumple will be sure to cure her.  Not only can he not do anything to change her back to her old self, the goblin gives her a bow and arrow and a map so that she can murder the Queen while she's traveling.  Sweet.  He doesn't ask for anything because he is "invested in her future."  Um, I wonder if Snow would be more curious to know the details of that if she wasn't so blinded by her revenge.

It gets even better when Rumple has another guest later.  Charming nearly takes off his head to get information about Snow's wheareabouts.  Rumple gives him the information upon the condition that he give him his cloak.  Before he had taken a string of Snow's hair, so it was safe to assume that he wanted Charming's hair too.  Why, this wasn't clear until later he put the two hairs together and seemed to have created the potion for true love.  Huh.  What the hell is going to do with that?  He surely isn't going to use it on himself since he already booted his love out of his life and out of hers ultimately.  The thing that was really good about Charming showing up wasn't the mystery of Rumple collecting hairs, it was the sort of scolding he gave Charming for hurting Snow in the first place and forcing her to drink the potion.  As underhanded as the little man is (he's pretty short), he's damn right.  You can't blame Rumple too much for Snow wanting  end her pain over losing Charming.

It was pretty hilarious that Charming thought that he could simply just grab Snow and kiss her without even making her remember him and think that would break the spell.  I wouldn't have expected anything less of Snow when she punched him out.  However, it didn't really take very much (if you consider a serious wound nothing) for Charming to win her over.  He simply had to jump in the way of her arrow aimed at the Queen and declare that he would die for her.  Snow stupidly asks, "You would die for me?"  The man had a freaking arrow sticking out of his arm.  If he had leaped in a different way that damn arrow could have easily pierced an organ that would have killed him.  Come on now, Snow.  I also find it funny that they were having a makeout session after their true love kiss broke the spell (I was little more happy to see them reconnect than I had thought) while that arrow was still sticking out of him.  I wondered when the hell his wound was going to be important enough to take care of.

I didn't get to find this out since King George's men showed up (I thought they were the Queen's men at first) and took Charming away.  But I liked that it turned the tables and now Snow has to go save him.  Of course, now that she's not a bitch anymore, her dwarf friends are more than happy to help her out.  Thank goodness.  Snow is pretty brave, but I doubt she could do it on her own.

Now back to Storybrooke where MM is sinking deeper and deeper into the case of Kathryn's disappearance.  Through some questioning by Emma, which is observed by Mayor Bitch, we find out that the box with the heart in it is MM's jewelry box.  That's just too convenient for it not to be a setup.  And how dare the mayor suggest that the dark place she was sent to when the old sheriff humiliated her was the same as MM and David's situation.  Lady, please!  She further urged Emma to accept MM was a killer by saying such heartbreak and betrayal can make someone do unspeakable things.  Yeah, you would know, Mayor Bitch--you crushed a man's heart and killed him because he dumped you!  Ridiculous.  She was basically on a role of pointing the fingers at herself for setting up MM; she later tells Emma that MM had to have taken the jewelry box out to the bridge herself because there were no signs of a break-in.  Bitch, we all know you have a key to every damn thing in the whole town.

However, Emma had no idea about this and her investigation of their apartment only ended up revealing another item that could incriminate MM.  I just now realized that the mayor intentionally brought up the idea of a break-in to Emma so that she would purposely find that knife in the heating vent!  I can't believe I didn't notice that before.  That bitch is slick.  Thankfully, Henry steals Mayor Bitch's many keys and finds that one of them can indeed open their apartment.  I'm just worried that she'll notice the keys are missing before Henry can put them back, letting her know that Emma is on to her.

One of my favorite scenes in the Storybrooke world is when Mr. Gold appears out of nowhere to offer his lawyer services to MM.  Well, he is the devil, but with him handling her case, MM should get off with little problem.  The only problem will be her having to pay off the debt she owes to him.  However, I'm pretty sure that Mr. Gold is only concerned with knocking the Queen off her throne and establishing himself as the dominant power.  So perhaps he will be true to his word about only being "invested in her future."  If they have to have both him and his fairy tale counterpart say that, it's gotta be important.

You would think MM went through enough with all the evidence piling up against her and having to take help from the most suspicious and crooked man in town, but David came to the "rescue."  He thought he could help her by finding evidence of his own guilt in Kathyrn's death (which slightly redeemed him in my eyes a moment) by clearing up some of the blackouts he had recently.  Instead of being helpful, he only remembers a bit from his life as Charming when Snow declares she will kill the Queen.  He doesn't even take much time to consider if the memory is real or not and visits MM, not with hope, but with an obvious accusation that she murdered Kathryn.  David, are you really in love with MM or are you finding pleasure in betraying her at every opportunity?  For real.  What the hell??  MM has really gone beyond what any sane woman would for someone like him, defending his innocence, while he can't even manage to have a fraction of reciprocal faith.  You asshole!  You could have at least pretended you found out you were the killer and protected her!  Why not just take the blame when it's all your damn fault anyway??  Snow may have not needed that potion Rumple gave her, but MM sure as hell does.  I hope something happens that she hits her head or something and his face is wiped clean from her brain.

I'm worried, though, about MM flying off the handle now that David has seemed to give up on her.  Emma sure hasn't, but I feel like MM wasn't honest that she had faith in her, not just because she used that key she found to escape from her cell.  That key looks an awful lot like one of Mayor Bitch's, so I hope it's not another setup to show that she's fleeing out of guilt of her crime.  I wonder how Emma will react when she finds out that MM is gone?

In the next episode, I hope things will be a little better for MM even though it's not looking good for her at all.  David sure as hell better get his ass kicked or something of equal unpleasantness to punish him for his lack of faith.  I don't feel great about Emma aligning herself with Mr. Gold either, but at least it's better than her facing Mayor Bitch on her own.  She might have a chance to get that whore before she gets MM in line to be executed or something.  Also, since MM is free from the jail she best be out to get the mayor like Snow was out to get the Queen.  MM is way past due to take a vacation from her sweet and loving personality and be a vengeful warrior taking numbers as she kicks ass.

Grannie Says Wear Yo Hood!

Once Upon A Time, S01E15

This week we got a little look into Red Riding Hood's past, aka Ruby from the diner.  I had been curious as to how Red and Snow knew each other.  The one thing I hadn't been curious about was her red hood.  It only began to be curious when her grandmother told us that the red in the hood kept wolves away.  That struck me as odd because through some kind of education (ha) about wolves, I was under the impression that red attracted wolves.  At least it did if were talking about Grimm and that very first episode.  Red's Grannie just seemed suspicious all around, but I wasn't entirely sure if she was hiding the fact that she was the wolf or not.

Thanks to the encouragement of Snow, who goes by the name "Mary" to protect herself, Red decides that she needs to go out and kill the wolf so she would be free to travel around with her love Peter.  It wasn't quite the idea that Snow had in mind, but these two fearless girls go ahead and track down a wolf that killed about five men and spilled enough blood that the well water was red.  Even though Red thinks they'll be safe since the wolf will be sleeping in the daytime, I just imagined they were going to get all those flowy cloaks they were wearing torn to shreds and painted with blood.  Instead, they think that Peter is the wolf.  It totally reminded me of that Red Riding Hood movie that came out not too long ago.  In that movie, Red's love interest was looking like the most likely candidate for the wolf too.

Red was really fearless, though.  Not only did she go wolf hunting on her own, but she also decided to stay by Peter's side if he did indeed turned into the wolf that night.  Unfortunately, she turned out to be the wolf, and Peter had no defense against her while he was chained up.  Oops.  Grannie had neglected to tell Red about the family history and the magical powers of her hood.  Lady, did you really think just yelling at your granddaughter all the time to "wear your hood!" was the best way to ensure that she stopped changing into a wolf?  She could have come up with a better lie, if she was going to lie at all.  After she killed someone, it probably would have been a good time to stop protecting her and let her know what the hell was going on with her body.  Wear your hood, indeed.

Now, back in Storybrooke, I was a little disappointed that Ruby's story didn't parallel as well.  I mean, she did try to ditch Grannie and live her own life, but there was nothing that reflected that wolf side she had in the other world.  Actually, before they showed that Red was the wolf, I kept thinking that the wolf might be that doctor, just because he was in the episode randomly (and this is no random in this show).  Perhaps they have already told us who he was in the other world, but I don't remember.  Anyway, I wanted some kind of call to her wolf nature besides that she seems to have good hearing (she found David really quickly) and instincts (finding that box with the heart in it).

I was also disappointed that Red went back to the diner.  Finding that heart was too much for her to handle.  Well, dang.  I thought it would be cool if Emma had a partner of some sorts.  Someone who could have her back when Mayor Bitch appears to tell Emma she's doing a shitty job (Lady, will you shut the hell up??).  I guess that would mess with the flow of the show?

I'm confused why David was wandering through the forest in a trance.  He was kinda doing that sort of thing when he didn't have his memories, but this is almost as if someone drugged him (maybe it was that doctor or the Mayor herself).  Still, I wish that MM didn't care about him so much and just would leave him to get arrested on his own.  Even though with MM's prints on the box in question, it looks like she will be sitting in jail instead.  Are you kidding me??  You're telling me that MM has to get into more shit again because of David.  Yes, I will still blame him even if that box was planted by the Mayor.  If David hadn't been such an asshole before, they wouldn't have set Kathryn up to disappear in the first place.

But let's be real--a heart in a box?  That has the Mayor written all over it.  Let us not forget when she took the old Sheriff's (how I miss him!) heart out of her collection and crushed it.  I mean, it's practically her hobby.  There's no other explanation.

And speaking of Mayor Bitch.  God, how I wish Emma would have slapped her, at least, when she barged into the hospital accusing Emma left and right about things.  And of course, she got in another "Hey, you haven't done your job yet and found Kathryn."  Listen, Lady, you want your "friend" back so badly, you find her!  Emma is only one woman in a town that doesn't have the best sources in the country, I'm sure.

I think I still liked last week's episode better because I can't be that invested in what might happen to David and MM.  I mean, I want MM to be okay, and I'm not sure how Emma will be able to work around the evidence, but this story at its heart is about David and MM being together, and I don't want to see that.  I don't want David to come to her rescue, nor for them to bond over one of them going to jail or worse.  No!  Just let David disappear or something!  Like he needs to go for a while, so I can care about him again (if ever).  On another note, looking forward to whose backstory they do next time.  It's amazing that they can make these episodes interesting even for those who are simply background characters (at least at this point).

Prince Charming In One Life, Prince Scum In Another

 Once Upon A Time, S01E13

 

The focus of this episode was the love triangle of Mary Margarette, David, and Kathryn.  Just when I thought their situation had hit a wall, things got into motion again.  I've been a little unhappy with David sitting on the fence for a while, and Mary Margarette getting sucked into the fantasy of a possible romance with him.  I should feel sorry for Kathryn, who is probably the most innocent in all of this, but I just don't like her.  My love of MM (Mary Margarette) automatically makes me take her side.

Anyway, at the beginning there are a few seconds of a stiff dinner between Kathryn and David before she tells him that she plans to move to Boston and go to law school.  We know that she'll never make it out alive or unharmed, so that's never going to happen.  Well, instead of telling his wife what his true feelings are, he lies and then goes out for a night stroll with MM.  He wants her advice about what to do and has little plan of his own!  God, get a spine, David!  After he acts like a bitch, refusing to make up his mind, he tells MM that he chooses her and will tell Kathyrn the truth.  Yay!  Finally!  ...Or so we thought.

Later, David goes to Kathyrn to break things off, but instead of being a decent person, he tries to be the "nice guy" and tell her that nothing is going on.  The two of them just can't connect, and he doesn't know why.  What??  David!!  I'm starting to hate his weak ass!  It's not as if Kathryn might not have understood, given that she saw that MM was falling for her husband months ago.

But I have to say that MM has been living in Naive Land.  She tells Emma that she thought that she was being discreet with her secret relationship with David.  Please!  I'm sure everyone was simply pretending not to notice out of convenience.  However, no one was looking the other way when Kathryn found out about the affair (thanks to Mayor Break-Hearts) and slaps MM right at school.  Thanks to that she quickly becomes the town whore, complete with "TRAMP" painted on her car so that the 2 people in town that might not have heard will definitely know.  David was "heroically" trying to wash it off before she gets there, but he should have been on his knees begging for her forgiveness!  He just made excuses and hardly seemed apologetic for the scarlet letter MM now had on her back.

I wish I could have been sad when MM breaks it off with David.  I felt bad that she felt like a foolish piece of crap, for about the second or third time.  I suspect this time will be for good, or until David can become a man.  I could stand for them to be apart for another 5 or so episodes, at least.  Actually, I hope that something terrible happens to him because I'm sick of him hurting MM and his only punishment being that he's unhappy.  He could stand to be more than that, as far as I'm concerned.

Concerning their alter lives, Prince Charming seems like a total different person.  He's not a fraction of the asshole that David is.  I would question they were the same person if that wouldn't be moronic.  Anyway, we find out that Abigail isn't just a stuck-up bitch, but someone who, like Charming, also experienced a lost love.  That was a nice twist because it allowed me to feel a little sympathy for her.  Charming volunteers to save her love, Frederick, who has been turned into gold from Midas' touch.  Seems like quite a thing to do for a woman he didn't care about, but his backup plan is to die on the mission.  Guess that's all he can hope for if Snow isn't in his life.

Charming's encounter with the "beast" of the lake, was predictable.  Don't ask me why, but I knew that a woman would come out of the water.  I didn't expect it to take on the form of people he knew, nor did I think that he would be fooled for a second when it turned into Snow.  How damn lonely is he that he has to make out with a lake demon just because it looked like Snow??  I was rolling my eyes at his stupidity.  But I guess it wouldn't make for good TV if he defeated the beast too easily.  He nearly drowned, but he was able to stab the thing before he ran out of breath.  I kept wondering what the beast really looked like.  I couldn't see while it was underwater.  I guess it's not that important, though.

With the magic water, Frederick is brought back to life.  I'm not sure how long it's been since he has been turned into gold, but I felt like he should had a huge need to pee or something.  I dunno.  I'm not familiar with the rules of turning into gold.  It was a happy ending for Abigail and Frederick, but Charming still had to deal with the fact that his foster father was going to come after him.

And come after him he did!  Is this kingdom really that poor that the king himself needs to come out and chase after people?  Either that or the King was really pissed at him.  This indicates that we won't see the happy ending for Snow and Charming for a while.  Oh, well.

Regarding other things in this episode, Emma starts to learn more about the mysterious writer who came to town:  August W. Booth.  I don't like him for Emma, and we all know that's where it's going.  He just seems like a fancy-free ass, doing whatever he pleases and turning people's judgments back against them.  I'm a little prejudged because I miss the old sheriff.  He's never coming back, but he was much cuter and his personality didn't bother me as much (despite he was doing the Mayor).  They have drinks by the magic well, while he tries to get Emma to believe in magic and such.  Eye roll.  He's also seen earlier tampering with Henry's fairy tale book.  Hmm...  I wonder what pages he took out and put in?

I'm glad that Emma finds it a little more than strange (according to her face) that the book randomly showed up underneath her car.  I hope that it doesn't turn out that Booth is working for the Mayor.  I doubt it because she didn't seem like she wanted Henry to get the book back; she gave him a video game.  So you'd rather your son play video games than read a book?  Wow, lady.  Who cares if you're trying to hide your secret, your parent methods are off.

At the very end we see that Kathryn doesn't make it out of Storybrook.  Actually, the town should be renamed after a line Kathryn had: "If I Stay Here, I'll Never Be Happy" Town.  The Frederick in the current lifetime finds her car (of course!), but Kathryn is missing.  I can't imagine that she'll be found dead because it won't much add to the story.  If she's alive, she can still give David a little hell while finding her true love.  We'll just have to see.

This was a good episode, despite that I was angry at David through most of it.  Things are getting pretty good.