Guns Are Great, But Fists Are Cooler

Archer, S04E09

Archer and Lana staked out a hotel to observe some North Koreans rumored to want to illegally buy some uranium, and she and Archer posed as a newlywed couple.   Cyril was convinced by Cheryl and Pam that he should go to the hotel too in order to keep tabs on Lana in case that she fall into bed with Archer again.

Although I understood that Lana would have rather pretended to do anything but be Archer's wife, she looked good in the bridal gown and hair accessories she was wearing at their check-in.  Archer was all too happy to play the role of her husband and enjoy the luxuries of their honeymoon suite instead of doing their actual job.  He made it seem like he'd be thrilled if he could call Lana his wife.  I felt bad for Lana who felt like she was getting a preview of her worst-scenario future (although, she could definitely do worse than Archer).  I can't foresee a marriage between them that Lana didn't regret, considering there are too many cons to even dating Archer (or casually sleeping with him).  They definitely have a mutual attraction and care about each others' safeties, but they are so terrible together.

I liked a lot of the action scenes in this story.  One of such was when Archer had to save Lana from falling off the building.  It was his fault, so I hope he would do everything in his power to keep her from being a splatter on the ground.  I just hate that he has to throw saving her life in her face.  It makes her seem like some kind of helpless woman who's prone to making simple mistakes that turn out to be deadly.  It's more like she gets distracted by Archer and unwittingly gets herself into trouble.

My favorite scene was when they saw their targets in the elevator.  Lana got kicked in the chest, but Archer pulled out some cool-looking moves when he like kicked the guy into the wall.  I feel like their haven't been a lot of good fighting scenes lately, and there were quite a few good ones in this story.  I even sort of liked when Cyril had smoked the room with the fire extinguisher and Lana and Archer were kicking butt among the chaos.  I'd rather see that than see Archer bugging Lana about the coat on his fingernails not being dried.

I wonder what Lana had decided when she was climbing the hotel, though.  Did she think that she was just going to settle down with Cyril after all and stop making herself semi-available to Archer?  I mean, she hasn't really been involved with anyone for a while, so perhaps Archer always thinks that one day she'll just come crawling back to him.  Cyril had blown things with her, but at least he's sort of a normal human being.  However, when Lana found out he was just spying on her, she threw out her decision.  I really would like to know what kind of conclusion she had arrived at before.

It's kind of funny that this time instead of Mallory being behind their mission, it was sort of Krieger.  He was the one trying to sell uranium.  I really think ISIS should concentrate on doing more shady things since they're already doing them.  Right now they're simply pretending that they're a do-gooder organization when they do more harm than good most of the time.

I think I liked this episode because it had pretty good fighting scenes.  It feels like they haven't had any hand-to-hand combat in a while.  There have been plenty of shootings and such, but sometimes I like to see close-range fights.  It was also interesting that Lana had so much to think about when she played Archer's wife and came to some unknown decision about her relationships.  However, Cyril's spying prevented us from knowing what that was.  Although I'm not hoping for Lana and Archer to get back together anytime soon, I feel like Lana's inability to escape her bond with Archer is going to make her walk down the aisle for him some day in the future.

Archer The Chef

Archer, S04E07

ISIS was employed to work undercover at Seize restaurant, but they had no idea what kind of threat they were supposed to be watching for.  Their cover was also compromised by the filming of the reality show Bastard Chef.  Archer began to follow the example of Chef Casteau, and thought that his true calling might have been cooking instead of spying.  Lana tried to bite her tongue at the chef's harsh treatment of her and kept investigating why they had been tasked to do security on the restaurant, while the others fumbled around in the kitchen.  Mallory bullied Carol and Pam into getting her a reservation at Seize and took Pam's fish hostage until they got her what she wanted.

I think my favorite thing about this story was that Archer was starting to fit in really nicely at Seize and cooking food that the hardass Casteau seemd to approve of.  It's always interesting to see Archer exhibit skills outside of his spy set.  I wouldn't have guessed that someone who probably has little experience cooking would be able to make anything remotely delicious, but Archer could.  Plus, his tendency to order people around and be a general bastard suited well for a sous chef who has to keep on top of others in the kitchen to get dishes out quickly and correctly.  The ambassador of Albania even complimented him on the dish he made from his home country before he died, making Archer's role look less like a cover and more like his true calling.  However, thanks to Castuea being in league with the KGB, he took away Archer's confidence as quickly as he had gained it.  Guess Archer will still remain a spy.

I also liked that the fake threat that Mallory had used to get them inside of Seize turned out to be real and Casteau was the culprit.  I didn't expect to see Barry and Katya in this story, so that was a nice suprise at the end.  I'm really starting to like Katya because she has Barry on lock and key now.  One little comment from her and she can shut his mouth and ruin his fun.  Plus, she threw Casteau out of the helicopter without thinking twice.  Once again, it's really fortune for Archer that she's not out to kill him because she's just as ruthless as Barry is.

It was messed up that Mallory made them waste their time at Seize under the pretenses of a security threat and a possible future employment with the government.  Forget that KGB wanted them to look foolish--Mallory's doing a great job of that on her own.  It makes me wonder what the hell she's trying to do.  She makes her employees look more like her personal assistants rather than talented and dangerous spies.  I'm just glad Lana figured it out because Mallory might have gotten away with it.

I didn't like that Carol had to give Rodney a hand job to find out the number for Seize.  Not really because it was beneath her (she has some twisted sexual preferences), but because it was just a gross exchange in general.  We didn't get to see everything she did, but we had to hear Rodney enjoying it and see his face.  Eww.  And Pam was just standing there watching.  Geez.  At least give them some privacy while you whore out your coworker.

I liked this episode.  It was a nice change of pace to see Archer cooking skillfully instead of murdering people with ease.  Someone did end up dying, but that was just thanks to Katya's excellent plan to use Casteau for her own purposes.  I just wish that Archer could continue to pursue this hidden talent of his.  Even an asshole like him could be beloved if he could compensate for his personality by making delicious food.  Mallory, as the owner of ISIS, needs to get it together.  Either she's going to employ her spies to do something they've been trained to do or she should demote them to being her gophers.  If she's not careful enough they'll probably get destroyed by the KGB before they even know it.   I'd almost like to see that if it'll encourage them to get back to a semi-legit organization again.

A Journey Through Archer's Past

Archer, S04E06

Archer's snakebite caused him to have a dream where he was ushered through his memories by James Mason.  While Roy and Cyril were trying their best to get to safety and get him an antidote, Archer drew closer and closer to uncovering the mystery of who his father was.  Back at ISIS, Lana kept pestering Mallory about her being left out of the mission the boys were on.  Lana was taken back when Carol accurately diagnosed the reason why Lana chooses to stay with ISIS, despite all of her moral issues with their missions.

With the way Archer had prepared for their mission, like wanting to use the map as toilet paper and leaving behind a compass, I don't think that they would have succeeded even if Archer hadn't gotten bit by a snake.  It was sort of poetic justice that he did because he kept doing things to screw over Cyril and Ray at every turn, while not doing anything to improve their situation.  The snake's poison just did what his teammates were thinking every second they were with him.

It's interesting to note that Archer has killing Cyril on his bucket list of things.  Of all things he wants to do before he dies, his second most wanted thing is to see Cyril end his life.  I didn't know that he hated him so much.  Cyril and Archer might not be besties, but does he really have to wish him dead?  I wonder if it's just about how he came between him and Lana (not really because Archer screwed that up pretty badly himself).

The dream that Archer experienced while slowly heading toward death was the most interesting part of the story.  He met James Mason in this smoky place that seemed to be limbo, essentially, and he showed Archer a pivotal point in his life where a stalker shot him and cost him his future as a college lacrosse player.  That was a pretty disturbing scene seeing Archer getting shot by this demented woman.  It was really unexplainable and looked traumatic.  I wonder if there was ever a moment in Archer's life that was pleasant.  No wonder he didn't want Mason to show him anything about himself.

What I really loved was when Archer had to relive the moment where he was shot as teenager and he reminded Mason that he hadn't signed up for this journey through his past:

Yeah, so, I don't know if you're deaf or an asshole or both, but I'm pretty sure I said I didn't want to see this.

I liked that Mason didn't seem to listen to any of Archer's objections, nor really be listening to him in general.  I really wonder what part of Archer's mind created him as a guide.

I also liked when Archer saw himself as a little boy, who still loved alligators (that's a little shocking).  He was alone on his birthday and a strange man brought him a stuffed alligator.  Apparently it was his father!  We didn't get to see his face, nor did Archer remember him once he awoke, but it brought us closer to that mystery than we have been before.  Archer might be able to rack his brain and recall that memory once again.  After all, he has to have it somewhere in his subconscious.

Besides Archer's death visions, I liked when Cyril was trying to communicate that Archer had been bitten by a snake.  However, the word for "snake" was the same for a few other words that the soldiers (or whatever they were) kept mistaking it for.  Ray's frustration at this gave me a good laugh:

How's it the same word for bread and snake and Friday and that damn dog?!

Sounds like a pretty damn confusing language, if you ask me.  Then again, if you learn any language long enough, you'll find something that doesn't quite make sense to you.

I didn't really like what was going on back at ISIS.  I felt kind of bad that Carol (or whatever her name is) could see right through Lana like that.  And what she saw was pretty depressing.  I can't disagree with her analysis, though.  Lana does raise a lot of objections, but she ends up doing things she doesn't agree with all the time.  I think that her love for espionage will tether her to ISIS no matter what sort of horrible things they get involved with.  Lana will hate herself for it, but she won't be able to walk away either.  That's just like Carol to see the darkest part of someone's soul.  She's so damn twisted.

This was a pretty good episode.  I really like seeing into Archer's past, even though it wasn't anything pleasant.  I don't ever expect to see anything good concerning how he became the Archer he is today, anyway.  There's no way he could have had a great childhood with the way his mother is and how he turned out to be.  I just wonder if he'll try to figure out who his father is again, knowing that he had that memory in his head.  I don't know how important that still is to Archer.  As far as Lana is concerned, I wonder if she'll try to find something beyond her job to fill her life.  It'd be really sad if she ended up in such a depressing fate as Carol had predicted.

Getting Katya Back Back-Fires

Archer, S04E05

Archer ran at the chance to hook up with Katya, who begged him to help her find Barry.  Archer pretended to want to rescue him and asked Krieger, Pam, and Cheryl to help him.  Although, Archer's plan was to fool Katya into thinking Barry was cheating on her to win her back, Katya was playing him for her own purpose.

I didn't like too much seeing Lana back with Cyrill, even if it was just for sex, but I liked that Archer seemed to be the only one around the office who didn't have a date.  He made a pathetic attempt to get Lana back, but forgot about her in a second when Katya called him.  It's like he was from low to lower.  He really has no shame.  I guess, though, it's not completely pathetic that he ran to Katya because he does generally love her.  Not enough to bring back Barry just for her sake.  Luckily, with all of his scheming and creating that fake tape of Barry's confession to cheating, Katya was just using him to get Barry back from the beginning.  That was pretty smart because I don't know how Barry would have made it back the way he kept killing the scientist who were trying to help him.  I just wonder if Katya is going to help out Archer and keep Barry from murdering him the second he lands on Earth.

It was kind of disturbing the way everyone was reading these like octopus/sea-life porn throughout the episode.  Not only that, but Ray and Cyrill woke up from being knocked up and found themselves naked and with an octopus.  Since Pam was also in that bathroom with a camera, I can only assume she violated them somehow with that thing while they were out and filmed it.  Man, they are into some gross stuff at ISIS.  I wouldn't dare go into a bathroom around there.

I liked this episode, mainly because Archer was acting so desperate at the slim chance of getting back with Katya.   Also, I liked that Barry managed to get off the space station and is heading for Archer's location.  It ups the excitement in this show because it's well-known that Barry is crazy as hell and murderously hates Archer.  I don't know how Archer will manage to stay alive.  His only hope might be that Katya seems to have taken Barry's place as the head of the KGB.  I'm eager to see what she'll do while in power and what Barry's reaction will be to her taking his place.

Archer Thinks Of Others! ...Just Kidding

Archer, S03E10

Yesterday we got to see the season finale of Archer.  Since they don't have that many episodes to begin with, it seems to have gone by really quickly.  I think that it ended pretty well with ISIS managing to take down the traitor faction, get a little revenge on Barry, and return home alive (I emphasize "alive" and not "unharmed").  For a moment, I thought that Archer had seen the light, if not only for an appropriate time (the time being until they were back to Earth in one piece), but Archer remains Archer in the end.

Despite that Archer resisted against their captors (his best being when he attacked Wu while shouting "Woo!"), it was pretty clear that if Drake had offered Archer an alcoholic drink, he might have easily joined their side.  When they didn't seem to be offering him anything tempting, he first suggested that since they only wanted Lana (apparently they looked up all her information and thought she would make the best babies for Mars), he asked for the men to be let go and then just himself (of course).  I hadn't thought that they specifically wanted Lana to be "The Mother of Mars," but thought that they just happened to hire ISIS and figured that a spy female was the best they were going to get for their re-population schemes.  As creepy as their plan was, Lana had to be a little flattered that they thought her DNA was the best stuff around.

I didn't appreciate that Lana had to be nearly naked for most of the episode, but I liked that she was so vain about her boobs.  When Archer suggested that they were getting saggy, she just couldn't let it go, even in the midst of a fight.  The ISIS crew managed to get away from their captors to only be captured once again.  They were pretty unimpressive in their escape attempt.

I think the badass medal for this episode should go to Pam who was not only smart enough to prepare to attack if Drake and his men tried to get on the ship, but also managed to sneak up on Drake and get him at gunpoint while Carol was busy being a "whordiot," letting the enemies into the ship.  That stupid little bitch.  Pam should have been made an operative instead of freaking Cyrill.  At least she increased the chance that they would return to Earth, while Cyrill, shooting off madly after Drake blasted off his own head, killed Kellogg, the only other person who was unquestionably qualified to fly them back home.  After Cyrill screwed up right after Pam had saved the day, I didn't easily see how they would make it back home.

When Barry started approaching them on a space ship, I was really thinking that he might be the one to "save" them, even though there was no doubt he came to space to kill Archer again.  I'm not sure why he needed to do so when he already stole his fiancee, but I guess when Archer is concerned, he can't suffer enough (at least while he is alive).  Barry was pretty funny in the way he kept taunting Archer to come play with him, but Archer held back his pride and refused to open the doors.  It was really amazing for him.  I also wondered that if somehow Barry's revenge had turned into a necessity for him, in the sense that he would never kill Archer for real because then he would have no one to chase after anymore.  I mean, he followed him off the planet--is it really that serious?

Archer's seemingly change of heart paid off when he cheered Cyrill on to land them safely home; Cyrill turned the ship around so that the fire from the engine would destroy Barry's ship.  Ooo...  How is he going to get home?  I don't worry too much about him because he's sneaky, a cyborg, and there are many, many people around on Horizon that they will probably find a way for him to return to Earth.  After all, if Barry's not around, who is going to be Archer's annoyingly persistent arch-enemy? (Archer-enemy, if you will allow a bad pun)

I felt a bit of relief when Archer stopped acting so unselfishly and nearly killed them all when Cyrill was just about to land the ship safely to Earth.  I'm not sure how Archer managed to get off without a scratch on him!  Lana was using crutches, someone had an eye patch, and Ray was back in his wheelchair (for real this time, I'm sure).  I liked that the episode ended with him acting like an ass because that's what this show is all about.  I wouldn't have minded a little cliffhanger to make us anticipate the next season (I hope there will be one, FX!), but this ending is just as well.

The sky is really the limit for next season, and I can't wait to see what ISIS is up to next time.  I wonder if Lana and Archer would ever get back together.  They seem to hate each other, but I feel like deep down, they still protect each other in non-obvious ways.  I'd like to see less of Mallory's attempts to get laid, and less of Pam's naked body.  The thing I'd most like to see is the return of Barry and a more equal fight between he and Archer.  They have to make a really epic (although Archer hates that word) battle between them soon.  Guess I just have to be patient and see if that happens next year.

Spaghetti and Murder Ball

 Archer, S03E05

This week's Archer was a murder mystery.  There was little spy action this time, but it was still a good story.  Mallory has a dead Italian prime minister in her apartment and calls Archer and Lana to help.

Although the circumstances of the dead body in the room are bizarre and freaky (in a sexual way), I think it's interesting that Archer can't concentrate on anything but the sexual oddity of it all.  He can't seem to get the idea of the guy having a dildo up his ass out of his mind.  Frankly, if he didn't talk about it so much, they all might have forgotten about it (us too, since we couldn't see that).  Archer has some real psychological problem concerning his mother and sex.  Not that anyone really wants to think about their parents having sex, but they all have or obviously we wouldn't be here.  You'd think after all the endless trysts that Mallory has been involved in over the years that Archer would be a little numb to it.  At least he didn't throw up this time.

Things take an unexpected turn when Archer has the hankering for spaghetti and meatballs (his racism never ceases to amaze me).  They all go into the kitchen and start cooking up some, very casual about the dead man in the "zentai" (must be Japanese from "zen" meaning "entire" and "tai" for "the body").  Mallory also shows us that Archer's racism is probably genetic with her dislike of the Irish.  Last Christmas she refused to give the super a bonus and slammed the door in his face.  I liked this because it was such a Christmas Carol moment.  This was reinforced by the super's son hobbling next to him on crutches and saying,

[Son] Will I get the operation now, Da?
[Super] No, Son.  You're gonna die.

Damn.  She is cold-hearted.  She continues to express her prejudice against the Irish when Archer asks her if she has a potato and she remarks that it isn't Christmas (which is what she gave the Super).  The detective who shows up later of Irish-decent receives her instant repulsion.  What exactly did the Irish ever do to her??

Archer and Lana don't buy her story, but she asks them to cut up and dispose of the body.  They both refuse.  It's good that they have some kind of standards, despite that they do some crazy stuff sometime.  Instead, after Mallory sobs (who cares, but I guess they do), they get Krieger to come.  Not only does he seem to have a handle on the problem, he is actually excited about doing it (in a way that Archer suggests is slightly sexual in nature--eww).  The others at ISIS show up after Kreiger tricks them into thinking they will be attending a surprise party.  Uh...how dumb are these people? 

The best is when the cops show up, and everyone jumps into character as her dinner guests, enjoying spaghetti and dressed in Mallory's clothes.  I find it offensive that Lana has to be the maid, and it's the whore-iest maid outfit ever!  We have no idea why Mallory has that; there's no way that it looks as good on Lana as it does on her.  Eww...  Concerning the ISIS crew playing the part as dinner guests, they barely get by as not suspicious.  Carol, however, risks them being discovered with her horrible, over-the-top acting.  You'd think a bitch from a rich family would know how to imitate them a little more naturally.  Before this scene is over, Cyril complains about being dragged into yet another unsavory situation:

[Cyril] I hate you all so much.
[Ray] No one cares, Figgis.  You're only invited to round out the numbers.

I liked Ray with his accent and cigarette holder.  He should keep those while he remains in his wheelchair.  However, I'm about ready for him to be out of it.  Cyril is such a whiney, little bitch.  At least with Ray he's got attitude, but can actually perform like a decent spy.

Krieger successfully divides up the body and prepares it for all the others to transport out of the house before the detective can find out what happened.  However, Lana smartly realizes that it makes sense that Mallory intentionally had everyone come over and called the cops so that she would have a cover for the murder.  We're not entirely sure, but it looks like Mallory killed the prime minister to get revenge for someone who might have been Archer's father!  Huh.  I wonder if this will ever come up again.  The mystery of Archer's father is something I'm pretty interested in.  I wonder if he was an asshole like his son or if Archer is just a product of a fatherless life and a screwed-up mother.

If I could have asked for anything else in this episode, it might have been for that fake dinner party to have a little more screen time.  However, that is not much of a complaint to me.  It was good that in the end Mallory seemed to be a bigger mastermind than any of them gave her credit for.  She may be kind of a whore, but she's a smart whore.