Lisa "Cantwell" Them All

The Simpsons, S24E15

Lisa's new substitute was exactly what Lisa had wished for in a teacher, except that she hated Lisa's guts.  Lisa, while racking her brain to find out how she rubbed the woman in the wrong way, continued to be bullied by her new teacher.  Homer went too far with Ned and made him punch him in the eye.  Ned tried to make things right with Homer, but Homer refused to hit him back and make the two of them even while Homer still felt like the better man.

What I liked most overall about Lisa's story was just the idea that even an apple-polisher like Lisa can meet a teacher that doesn't like her.  She might be smart and obedient, but that doesn't mean as a student she's always going to be the star.  I mean, I thik even Mrs. Hoover began to dislike Lisa after a while.  There have been plenty of times that Lisa's made her miserable with her overachieving.  Still, I feel like usually one wouldn't hate Lisa from just a few seconds with her.  I liked that no matter how hard Lisa tried, Ms. Cantwell just couldn't be won over.

Another great point about this story was that Ms. Cantwell was voiced by Tina Fey, giving her an authentically smart-sounding voice.  Hearing her play a teacher reminded me of the movie Mean Girls, where she had to deal with some not entirely likeable girls.  I think this role couldn't have been played better by anyone else.

There few a few specific things that I liked from this story.  The first was when Marge pretended to put a chincilla coat on Lisa to make her fall back to sleep.  It's funny that she doesn't mind making Lisa faint in horror in order to make sure her child is well-rested.  The next is my favorite part where Mrs. Krabapple put Bart into Ms. Cantwell's class.  Bart's entrance was accompanied by demonic-sounding music, and her few minutes of absence gave him enough time to make the room look like a disaster.  I loved how Bart was just circling around in a lawnmover for no reason--what the hell?  That was more than enough to justify her early resignation.  Plus, she still refused to like Lisa, even if she could get Bart's terror to end.  Now that's some deep hatred.

My favorite line also came from this story.  Apparently Ms. Cantwell thought that Skinner and Chalmers were partners:

You two are the worst-dressed gay men I've ever met!

This was just a good story all around.  I even liked that the reason she hated Lisa was because she looked like a pretty, party girl.  It's weird that anyone would mistake Lisa for that type of girl when she's such a bookworm wouldn't even know how to handle a book about partying.

Homer and Ned's story was also good, but not as good as Lisa's.  It was mainly shocking to see Ned punch Homer in the face when he's probably needed to do that on a million other cases where Homer was doing much more terrible things to him.  I suppose Ned was already on edge from his parents being in town, and we all know that his parents are the cause of his anger.  Homer could have just been the icing on the cake.

Speaking of his parents, I swear that we saw them when Ned and Edna got married and they didn't look as old as they did in this episode.  They should look pretty ancient, considering that Ned is even older than Homer, but it's just weird to see their character designs change so recently.  I don't know.  That bothered me at first.

One of the funniest things about this story was just seeing Homer get along so well with Ned's parents.  It was like they were old friends.  Homer's already annoying to Flanders, so to see Ned pissed off even more when Homer was laughing and getting high with his parents was amusing.  All of Ned's sources for rage were right in front of him.  It makes sense that he might throw a fist or two.

My favorite part was when Ned was having trouble sleeping.  He reluctantly took what he referred to as an "sleeping aid," but was just some graham crackers and milk.  I loved that!  Only Ned would be able to make that work for him like that.

One last thing I laughed at was the end where Ned and Homer were praying.  Homer didn't even realize what he was doing on his knees:

This is praying? Let me out of here!

That joke reminds me of some seasons back when Homer was horrified that he was reading a real bible, not the fake one he kept his flask in.

This was one of my favorites episodes so far.  I guess I can always say that it could have been funnier, but that's just a hazard of coveting the earlier seasons that I can still laugh at today.  It was great to see Lisa being tormented by a teacher who refused to like her instead of seeing teachers treat her like a prized jewel.  It is messed up that a teacher would single out a student like that, but since it was Lisa it made the situation funny.  It was even funnier that just a glimpse of what horror Bart could add to the classroom was enough to get Lisa's bully to leave the school.  Ned lost control and finally got a little revenge on Homer, but it worked against him because it made him seem like the aggressor rather than the victim.  I liked, though, that Homer joined forces with Ned's parents and got him to that boiling point.  Since they initiated such an interesting story, it's a shame that they can't visit Ned a little more often.

Chatswin's Valentine's Day

Suburgatory, S02E13

Tessa and Ryan went to see an art house movie that she wanted to see, and she was surprised that while she found it to be boring, Ryan identified with it and found it provoking.  George planned an expensive dinner for him and Dallas, but her botched beauty procedure made her hide her face at home.  Shelia's mother came into town and her mother's closeness with Fred made her realize the mistake she had made dealing with Malik as Lisa's boyfriend.

In this week's chapter of the Tessa and Ryan romance, the two argued over different opinions on a movie.  Considering it was a movie that Tessa had to cutely bribe Ryan into seeing with caramel corn and gummy bears, it was a real shock that Ryan was moved by the movie and it went over Tessa's head.  There are so many layers to Ryan that are revealed now that he's with Tessa.  I really loved that even though they were in a fight again, we got to see Ryan thinking deeply on a level that Tessa wasn't.  It was nice to see her on his lap, asking him to explain parts of the movie.  I want to see more of him in a position where he can teach Tessa, a change from her always being more informed than he is.

Also, I liked the beginning of their story where Ryan gave her that Valentine and he got so excited when she replied "Y" to it.  He's like a little kid, and I love it.  You would think his childish ways would get annoying after a while, but it just makes me like him all the more.

 I applaud George for not getting too upset about Dallas crushing his plans for dinner when he spent $600 on it.  I mean, he did try to get his money's worth by eating an 18-course dinner for two by himself, but he could have taken a much more negative route.  I guess it shows how much he cares for Dallas when he can be less concerned about the cost and more about Dallas herself.

As for Dallas' face, she looked like a freaking alien who had a face lift.  I don't think it was nearly as bad as Dalia had described it, but it was enough to make me cry out when I finally saw it.  I was just glad that George wasn't too horrified when he saw her.  It might have been due to the fact that he had a lot to drink before, but even so, she was a sight to see under any circumstances.   I wouldn't have blamed him if he ran out the door.

In Shelia's story, it was a little weird how much her mother liked Fred.  It's not that I couldn't see anyone infatuated with him, it's just that it's odd to see Shelia being pushed to the side.  She's usually so overbearing that few can ignore her.  But it was interesting that her mother troubles made her realize what she had been doing wrong with Lisa's former relationship with Malik.  I never saw it as Shelia butting into their business, but I guess it was that way.  Malik seemed to have been an ally to Lisa's mother instead of on Lisa's side, which explains better why she didn't think she could be with him anymore.  If Lisa ever needed to complain about her mother, Malik would have only defended Shelia.  Thankfully, Shelia butted in one last time to make things right and pretended to get upset when Malik stood up for Lisa.  Shelia might be smothering, but she does have Lisa's best interests at heart.  This was one of the few stories that I actually liked her because she seemed more vulnerable and helpful without being pushy.

This was a good Valentine's Day story.  It was too mushy or trying to be overly romantic.  I got to see some interesting development in Tessa and Ryan's relationship.  Tessa might be the smart one, but it doesn't mean that she understands everything.  I like seeing that Ryan has more to his mind than making out and football.  George's date with Dallas was a flop, but no more so than Dallas' procedure.  I really hope I don't have to see her face looking so horrific any time soon.  Shelia may not be my favorite character, but she helped Malik and Lisa get back together, which scores her a lot of points in my favor.  It's been way too long that they been broken up, so I'm eager to see them lovey-dovey again (well, as long as they're not too nasty together like last time).

Matchmaking And Dog Therapy

Suburgatory, S02E11

Tessa was asked by Shelia to help find Lisa a boyfriend, and after seeing Lisa dating a little boy, Tessa tried to find a match for Lisa online.  George fought with Yoni over the best way to help Yakult, and Dallas began to take Yoni's side in the matter.

One of my favorite things about Tessa's story was that although she had to spend a lot of time with Shelia, the focus wasn't about how the two got along, but whether Lisa could be hooked up before she "ran out of time."  I was worried for a second Shelia was going to grill Tessa and judge Tessa up and down for being with her favorite child, but luckily she seems cool with Tessa enough to think that she needs to be involved in another Shay's future.  It was weird that Tessa was put in the position of matchmaker, but not presumptuous (as it was when Lisa was doing that in the past) since Lisa was pratically begging Tessa to do so.

I guess I can't be too surprised that a simple dream about Lisa being a spinster cat lady scared her into thinking that if she didn't get a boyfriend soon, she'd be alone forever.  I just wish Lisa would use those brains I know she has to think about how rash that seems for someone her age.  Unless she thinks she's never going to leave Chatswin where there aren't enough guys to appreciate her, it's jumping the gun.  Rather than be amused that she was dating someone still in middle school, I just felt bad for Lisa.  She looked even more desperate than usual.  It's crazy that she has confidence about other odd things and yet has not a bit about her own value as a girlfriend.  I'm sure her mother doesn't help in that area (she made it clear by stating that boys were exactly lining up for her).

I got scared that when Tessa accidentally invited her ex to be Lisa's date that Tessa might fall for him again.  Luckily, she was so damned bored with him.  I loved that.  Then I thought Ryan might feel threatened and he did in a way that I didn't expect.  He was only threatened by the quality of Scott's hair.  Too cute.  My favorite part of the whole episode was when he told Tessa that she had to leave him for Scott because of how silky his hair was.  Tessa told him no and gave him a little kiss.  Aww!  God, I love them together!

I also liked that Lisa realized that she was wasting her time with Scott and AJ because with Malik she had already felt what love was like.  That better mean that she'll reconsidering taking Malik back.  The way they broke up was ridiculous.  She gave up way too quickly on him.

George sort of gave up quickly, too, when battling with Yoni.  Yoni is fake as hell and has some weird grudge against George (I guess maybe because George is the only one who sees through his bullshit?), but I sort of like him as the role of George's nemesis.  I couldn't be too mad that Dallas was falling for all of Yoni's pseudo healing tips when every other woman in Chatswin was eating up every word out of Yoni's mouth, but it was frustrating that George was being made to look like a monster.  All he really had to do was really show that he cared about Yakult and he would have won Dallas' trust a lot faster.  Oh, well.  It was sort of funny to see Yoni driving George crazy.

The best thing about that story and my second favorite thing in the episode was when George was taking Yakult for a walk and had Dalia with him.  She opened up to him about her thoughts of religious conversion and school.  It's so cute how they are bonding like that!  It was even better when George and Dalia teamed up to expose Yoni as a fraud to Dallas--so good.  And I like that Dalia thought that fetch was a game George made up for her and Yakult to play.  Dalia is really brilliant at making the most of her screen time.  George's victory wouldn't have been half as great if Dalia wasn't involved.

This was a really good episode.  I don't think it was hilarious or anything, but it was adorable.  There weren't a lot of Ryan and Tessa moments, but that one at dinner with Scott was more than enough to placate me until next time.  Hopefully Lisa will consider the special thing she had with Malik and start getting him back in her life.  I don't need to see her hanging around with boys like AJ again.  George is really becoming an irreplaceable existence in not just Dallas' life, but Dalia's as well.  I get a real kick out of George and Dalia bonding, and I'm interested to see what kind of way Dalia might open up to George next.

It Has To Mean Something

Suburgatory, S02E09

George was forced to hide and help Fred when he was trying to keep secrets about the nature of his job hidden from Shelia.  Tessa, left alone on pain medication, freaked out about aliens stealing teeth after she had gotten her wisdom teeth pulled.  Dallas thought George was only humoring her when he agreed they were ready for "joint decor."  Ryan tried to figure out where he stood with Tessa when came to deliver her homework.

Sadly for George he had a front seat to another chapter of Shay Family Crazy Time.  It was fine for him to give Fred shelter while he worked out his problems, but when Shelia got involved, it was a lot more trouble than it was worth.  I was nearly thinking it was a waste of his time to hide Fred until Fred asked George to go to his house to steal a gift basket that would reveal his real job.  I liked when he tried to walk into the house and ran into Ryan.  They were both trying their best not to seem suspicious to the other.  If George wasn't after that basket, he might have considered what Ryan was sort of suggesting about his intentions with his daughter.  It got even better when Lisa caught him about to walk out of the door.  The two of them had my favorite lines from the story:

[George] I'm not stealing.

[Lisa] I don't care.

It cracks me up that Lisa can look at her neighbor creeping around in her house and not give a damn about what he might be trying to do.  You would think she would be the slightest bit curious, but no.  Lisa always keeps me on my toes because I never know how she's going to react to things.

I have no idea how the hell Fred got from the basement to an ariport shuttle outside when it looked like Shelia was about to gas the basement.  I suppose that's one of those mysteries like when George got the cardboard in the previous episode.  I don't care if Shelia did know his secret after all (not a surprise).  I was just glad Fred was gone from their house.

Tessa was amazing this week because we got to see a side of her we usually don't.  She tends to be pretty cool and collected, but under medication she was so paranoid and wide-eyed.  I loved it.  She was really cute when she was throwing juice at Fred and scared that George and Dallas' souls had been captured in crystal.  I really like seeing characters act outside of their norm for a while.  It's funny to see a different side of them, especially when that side is high and insane.

My favorite part of the episode, though was when Tessa had gotten her mind back and Ryan had visited her.  That whole scene between them was just so great from start to finish.  I loved Ryan putting the sock around her head and telling her she looked like a bunny, him saying that their kiss and his attraction to her has to mean something, and him arguing that they could work because opposites attract.  It just makes me smile when I think about their conversation, even if they haven't quite decided if they're going to give their relationship another shot.  But I'm really hoping that Tessa takes a chance on Ryan again.  He was just so sweet with her that I'm dying to see more scenes like this.  They just have to get together again!

Dallas and George moved into the "joint decor" phase of their relationship, which I wasn't sure that he was really feeling.  But thanks to Tessa (who was also to blame a little bit for the problem in the first place), Dallas learned that George really liked that crystal picture of them sitting on the couch.  Personally, I would think that a picture would have been better, but I guess nothing says Dallas like something etched in crystal, so it might be the best way for George to be reminded of her every time he looks at it (you know, besides her face staring back at him). They're moving along pretty well recently, which is good, but I feel like they might have some kind of bump soon (just because nothing goes this well in TV or life, I guess).

I have to say I just loved this episode because of Tessa and Ryan.  Tessa was so funny when she was shouting about signs of sixes and aliens.  We'll probably never get to see her so unraveled again.  Of course, that was nothing compared to her scene with Ryan.  That has to be one of my favorite moments in this show yet.  If they don't get together again, I'm going to flip out.  They may not be perfect together, but you can't help but wish for them to give it a try anyway.  Like Dallas suggested: if George and her can make it work, then opposites like Tessa and Ryan have a chance at happiness as well.

Domestication And Friendship Not So Bad

Suburgatory, S02E06

George's old friends from New York came to visit while they were doing business in town and made fun of George for adapting so well to the suburban life.  Tessa wanted to enjoy spending time with her tablet alone, but Lisa wanted to spend all her time with her now that she was single again.

I think that George still has a little of his edge left from life in the city, but now that he is becoming "twinsies" with Shelia, I could see how his friends would think he was a sellout or too domesticated.  However, I absolutely hated how they were coming down on Dallas, who despite her looks, is a very smart and caring person.  I fell more in love with George when he not only admitted that the all-over phony woman that his friends pointed out was his girlfriend, but when he also defended her when they continued to talk shit about her.  I was worried that he was going to cave into peer pressure and try to relive his days as a "real" man as his friends envisioned it, but George stood by Dallas's side.  To me, that's a real man.  The best kind of person can own up to what they really love and not try to hide it because someone tries to make them feel bad about it.

Equally as great was when Dallas gave George the idea to bid against his friends for some architecture project.  George would have never thought of that on his own.  Plus, Dallas assisted him both in the concept and the presentation--they are a great team!  I was really proud of them as a couple to see them working like a dynamic duo!  They didn't end up winning the bid, but at least they made some waves and impressed the clients.  I could definitely see Dallas and George getting together on some good business deals in the future.

In Tessa's story, I was a little distracted by the open advertising for the Microsoft Surface tablet.  Nothing new to see products in TV shows, but I hate when it's all up in my face.  She even listed some of the great features of the thing at one point.  Wow.  Can't I get a little more of a break from the commercials?  Still, I've been interested in the Surface, so I wasn't too outraged.  I'm sure that they only did the advertising because it was necessary.  If it keeps the show going, I can't be too mad.

I felt Tessa on her desire to be alone with her tablet, though.  It's been a while since Lisa has sort of kidnapped Tessa's day to make her do some kind of dorky activity.  Lisa literally pulled out her trunk of tricks in this story.  If I was Tessa, I might have cut her off the beginning in the hopes that being alone would make her miss Malik.  It's obvious that Lisa is trying to fill her loneliness with Tessa.  I'm glad that even if Lisa isn't aware of it, she's not over Malik yet.  If she was, I'd doubt she'd need to try to shove a smoked fish down Tessa's throat.

I don't know how I feel about a "friendship fish." I thought it was cute that Tessa finally agreed to eat it with Lisa.  No surprise that Tessa got food poisoning from it, though.  I would be pretty nervous about someone pulling a fish out a trunk and asking me to eat it.  But she must really wanted Lisa to be her friend is she's willing to puke out her guts for the sake of friendship.  Her tablet is a nice alternative, but I guess only real friendship is worth all that suffering.

I'm also unsure what Ellen's prolonged stay at the Altman house will bring.  For a woman who knows that her daughter is a mess, she sure doesn't seem to like George too much.  Maybe she wanted to raise Tessa in the absence of her daughter?  I don't know.  But I don't see them getting along too well.  No matter what, George is a good parent, so I think she should at least respect that about him.  But I'm sure as a grandmother, Ellen's going to have a lot of suggestions for parental improvement.

This was a cute episode about George and Tessa sort of coming to terms with what they have become.  George has changed, but it doesn't mean that he's become some kind of pathetic loser.  And I definitely think with Dallas's help, he is going to continue to change and grow for the better.  Tessa's grown in the sense that she can't just sort of fend for herself and has to stick by the friends she's made.  She can't just callously cast them aside for some some wires and a shiny screen.  Lisa, as I said before, needs to hurry up and take Malik back.  Not just for her sake, but so we don't have to see Tessa suffering while wearing an airbrushed shirt and a watermelon hat.

We Need More Fat Tony

The Simpsons, S2405

Homer's new bowling pal, Dan, was made a temporary don for Fat Tony's gang and wanted Homer to help Dan stop himself from murdering the excess members.  Lisa tried to solve her iron deficiency by eating bugs, despite her strict vegetarian beliefs, and found that adding any kind of meat into her diet opened the door for others.

This episode was really lacking.  First of all, there was a lot of focus on Dan, who was played by Steve Carell, but his character wasn't that interesting.  Since he's the new guy, his personality and whatnot had to be explained rather quickly and I found that I didn't care so much about him until he went for Homer's help later.  Second, I was really annoyed that there was hardly any Fat Tony in a basically Fat Tony episode.  I might say he's my favorite non-Simpson family character.  Of course, they're not really going to show him serving jury duty for the whole episode, but I wish that he didn't have to be going to that at all.  Dan wasn't so funny that I wasn't wondering when Fat Tony or Homer was going to come back.  Plus, you know they are not going to do another Fat Tony episode for a while (or ever, possibly), so there's another disappointment there.

It was a little interesting to see Lisa eating things like grasshoppers.  It was also a little gross.  I've never liked insects, so I didn't enjoy all the bug-filled dishes they kept showing nor when she planted all those grasshopper eggs.  Eww.  At the beginning of the story, I did like how Bart pointed out the song they were playing was from a Bugs Bunny cartoon.  As a kid, that is where I learned a lot of classic and famous music from.  I might not know the names, but I've definitely heard the songs in one of those classic cartoons.  My favorite line, too, came from this story when Bart was making fun of Lisa eating bugs and Homer chatised him:

Bart!  This is America.  Anyone can eat what they want as long as they eat too much.

See, we could have had more lines like that had Homer been more present in the episode.  But what can ya do?

This might have been a better episode if it was just about the freaking Pin Pals playing in another tournament.  I mean, seriously.  Lisa's cheating some on her vegetarian diet wasn't a bad story, but as a side story it didn't make up for Dan's story.  I know that they've done a whole lot of Fat Tony stories, but I can't help but want more because I just love Joe Mantegna.  Really hope he makes another appearance this season!

Lisa, You Fool!

Suburgatory, S02E05

Tessa decided to spend Thanksgiving with her grandmother because she was told her mother would be visiting there.  George tried to cook Thanksgiving dinner for Dallas, Dalia, Mr. Wolfe, Alan the chef, and Noah.  Lisa didn't want Malik to come to their house for dinner, but he did and Shelia mistakenly walked in on him after he got out of the shower.

I was surprised that we actually got to see Alex in this episode because I had a feeling that Tessa was going to be disappointed by spending Thanksgiving at her grandmother's.  I was happy to see that she was at least pretty enough for me to believe should could be Tessa's mother.  She did seem flaky, but at least there was some time for Alex and Tessa to bond.  However, I couldn't help but feel bad for George because I like him and know that he's quite attached to his daughter.  I couldn't help but wish Tessa would pay him a little attention when he was sitting sort of lonely-like on the stairs, listening to Tessa and Alex laugh.  Aww...  I know Tessa wants and deserves to get to know her mom, but I would hate to see her forget all about George.  Everyone else in his life is kind of a mess, so he needs Tessa as much as she needs him.

The biggest thing that happened in this episode was that Lisa was being so unreasonable.  Sure, Shelia is borderline offensive in the way she is trying to accommodate to Malik and welcome him to the family, but her behavior is much better than her outright trying to send Malik away.  Granted, it is beyond awkward the way Malik and Shelia handled the mistake of her walking in on him naked, but at least the two involved didn't make it into something gross.  It was just weird and funny.  In fact, I loved when Shelia and Malik high-fived when Malik commented that it wasn't a "little thing" either.  Lisa just needed to get over it.  And by that, I mean she needed to accept that it was bizarre and give herself time to forget that it happened.  That is the only logical thing anyone should have done.  I can't believe that she ended it with Malik over that and the fact that Malik doesn't hate Shelia.  Lisa probably wants someone she can badmouth her mother to, but I wouldn't think it was a problem for my boyfriend to like my mother unless he liked her in a sexual, creepy way.  Lisa is a moron.  She will never do better than Malik.  She's too freaking crazy for anyone else to handle!  I was so mad to see her give up that easy.  

The best thing out of this story, though, was that Lisa found an envelope with the coveted wishbone in it that Ryan had been saving to wish for sex with Tessa (somehow cute in a slightly creepy way).  I was actually a little moved by him offering that wishbone he had been concentrating on all night to Lisa so her problem might be solved.  God, I love Ryan.  He's so dumb, but he's so sweet!  Every time I see him, it's like he makes me like him a little bit more.

I'm not really looking forward to seeing more of Alex.  I'm taking her with a little grain of salt just because George has suggested that she can sometimes emotionally con people.  I would hate to see her start bonding with Tessa to only disappear again for a significant chunk of time.  Tessa is smart and probably thinks she won't get attached to her, but I know she will and she'll get hurt if Alex falls off the face of the world again.  The most important thing, though, isn't Alex, but Lisa  getting her act together and realizing the huge mistake she's made by tossing Malik aside.  Ain't no other boy gonna put up with your nonsense, Lisa--go get him back before it's too late!

Grandpa's Other Wife

The Simpsons, S24E04

After receiving money from a fast food injury, Homer put the money in a college fund for Lisa via an online poker site.  Lisa soon became hooked on playing and increasing her money for her higher education.  Marge and Homer discovered that Grandpa had gone missing after they neglected to show up for a visit.  They spent their time looking for him, while learning about his past as a songwriter and his short-lived marriage.

This wasn't the funniest story, but it was a little interesting to learn about Abe's past.  I would think that we've explored the skeletons in his closet enough, though, but they did an okay job of still making this worth watching.  Two things that were almost funny to me were when two chained dogs at Spiro's wussed out on a fight after getting free and the poker game telling Lisa to log off because they could all hear her crying.  None of the jokes worked extremely well for me, but I sensed an effort.

The most interesting thing in this episode was that Abe was married briefly after he had split up with Mona.  It was conveniently over pretty much as soon as they were married.   The brief nature of their relationship distracted you from imagining this new timeline working into what we already know about Abe.  I suppose I could overlook that Homer didn't remember that at all because Abe took him to an airport bar to drink away their memories after Rita left for Europe without them.  I don't know if Abe actually forgot about her all those years (since is prone to forget most things), but it's a little weird that he had a black wife when he refused to tell the truth about the Simpson family tree including a slave named Virgil.  He seemed ashamed to admit that, but had few problems wedding a black woman.  But it wasn't as if he ever told Homer about it, so perhaps he had intended to keep it a secret like Virgil.

Another thing that I thought was a little odd was that the lawyer Roberto Deniro (ha) had these acid markers on hand to burn Homer.  What would he be using those for??  I was also a little confused the way the beginning story didn't really tie into the main story.  I mean, thanks to Homer's onion ring incident, Lisa did get to gamble her college fund online, but Lisa's story was a side story that didn't really connect to the main story at all.  I don't know.  I just feel like Marge noticing that they forgot to visit Grandpa could have been a little more relevant to what was going on before.

Lisa's side story wasn't too memorable, and I had a feeling that Sideshow Bob was really Bart after all.  And of course, it wasn't a surprise that they had to maintain the status quo and Bart's winnings were returned to $5000 due to him not being of legal gambling age.  It would be too good of an outcome for her to have so much money to spend on college.

I probably would watch this episode again to check out some things that I didn't pay a lot of attention to, like the contents of Granpa's army locker.  I thought it was nice to hear Anika Noni Rose, but I wouldn't say that the story would have been worse if she hadn't played Rita.  I just enjoyed learning that there was more to Abe's love life in the past than we had thought.  And even though Homer and Grandpa don't get along so well, it was sweet to see that he sacrificed a lot to make sure that Homer grew up safely.  I can overlook the flimsy plot when there's sentiment to be found.  I'm a sucker for that for this show.

Worst Idea Ever

The Simpsons, S24E03

Marge discovered that her displeasure about a car was due to the fact that she didn't want to stop having children.  Homer was against the idea, but came around to the idea before he and Marge got to the sperm bank where Homer had donated to in the past.  Bart enlisted the help of Lisa's old boyfriends and others to help him find out where Lisa was going off in secret.

I hope I wasn't the only one horrified by the previews of this episode where they let viewers know that it was possible that Maggie would be replaced as the Simpsons youngest child.  I could deal with Patty being openly gay or Flanders being married to Mrs. Krabapple, but there's no way I could sit back and enjoy them expanding the Simpsons clan like that.  That would be the biggest slap in the face ever.  I don't think I could accept another person in that family.  Their roles are too set in for another character to come in and mess up the dynamic.

Luckily, it was just a scare.  After seeing the wall of ugly and disturbing Homer offspring by strangers, Marge and Homer agreed that it was a bad idea.  Man, that really would have been the straw that broke the camel's back for me.  I've being lenient with this show because it's one of my lifetime favorites, but I couldn't accept baby number four under any circumstances (it'd be like Itchy and Scratchy getting Poochie that one time).

There wasn't anything too funny in either story and it was entirely because I was terrified that Marge and Homer were gonna get pregnant in the end.  Some things I liked, though, included when Bart got the help of Nelson, Ralph, and Milhouse to spy on Lisa.  It was a little funny to see a collection of her past boyfriends like that.  Which leads me to another part that wasn't exactly great, but memorable because it was creepy: Father Mike's appearance.  That was freaky to see that priest approaching them singing "tura lura lural."  It was like he was coming to murder them (remember how scaring the kids with that scary story?)!  What was up with that??  Nelson was also kinda cute in his disguise in that scene, but I quickly forgot about that when Father Mike came strolling down the street.  I also liked when Otto walked out of the bus after Bart and Milhouse did, even though the bus was still in motion.

Nothing else was really memorable, but I did wonder why Homer claimed that he bought Marge's necklace with some of his sperm bank money.  I remember clearly that Marge said that the necklace was a family heirloom and she had a drawer full of them in one episode.  So I was a little bothered by that. 

Glad that the unspeakable didn't happen in this episode.  That really would have been the kiss of death for this show!  I don't even like too much that they led us to believe it could have happened in the first place.  At this stage of The Simpsons, they can't afford to be using such horrible ideas.

Tessa Follows In Her Mother's Footsteps

Suburgatory, S02E01

Tessa came home from a summer with her grandmother and expressed an interest in her mother's passion for singing.  Lisa blackmailed her parents about Ryan so that she could get special treatment in the family.  Noah and Dallas fought over Carmen, both wanting her to raise their kids.

I was really happy to see this show back on the air, but not incredibly impressed by the premiere.  I was a little disappointed that Eden was totally out of the picture, but then again I do like the possibility of George dating someone else (especially Dallas) more than his whirlwind relationship from last season.  I was a little interested in Tessa's desire to embrace the talents she might have gained from her mother, but I wish there was more she had learned during her summer about the mysterious woman.  The battle over Carmen was like a comedy relief from the slightly dramatic Tessa story, but not really more interesting than Lisa barely milking her one piece of control over her mother.  The latter story was also disappointing in how little changed as an end result.

I thought it was cute that Tessa wanted to be a little like her mother, even though I felt like George was threatened by the idea a little.  It did seem like she sort of wanted to cast aside his contributions to her being who she is, but then again, George has raised her most of her life, so it's impossible that any influence he has been upon her could be lost by her trying to mimic her mother a little.  The best part of the episode came from this story when Tessa was nearly about to give up her interest in music until George finally shared something about her mother and encouraged her to perform, despite whether she would be good or not.  And I think Tess was pretty good!  It took me a moment to notice that she was singing the theme song, but that was a little cool (since I do like the theme song a lot better than most other shows).  I hope that she continues to do something with singing or playing the guitar because I think it would be a good fit for Tessa, who already showed some talent in writing poetry.

I really wanted Lisa to take her mother for all she was worth with that bombshell of a secret under her belt!  She did try to get to have the solo in their family skit (or whatever that ridiculous prancing around in cat outfits was), which was basically popping out of a trashcan at the end.  Really?  I don't know if she got even an ounce of the "golden child" treatment that Ryan has been given over the years, and Lisa will never have such power over her mother again.  Or a very little chance of having it again.  I knew Shelia would eventually turn the tables on her daughter (because Lisa is nowhere as crafty as her mother), but I had hoped Lisa would really get to enjoy the ride while it lasted.  Her reign of power seemed so short that I felt like why did she even bother to bring it up?  In the end, everything went back to their normal, the potting shed was burned, and Lisa still wasn't doing the solo.  The only difference was that Lisa's parents know that she knows.  And I guess if Ryan ever finds out he's not a Shay by blood, it'll be Lisa's fault for sure.  Not sure Lisa understands how to really take full advantage of an opportunity.

Noah (especially) and Dallas fighting over Carmen was just stupid.  The only good part of it was that it seemed to affect Dalia enough that she felt like she could talk to Tessa about her concern over losing her nanny.  Of course, when she spoke to Tessa, she was both expressing her fondness for Carmen and putting Tessa down at the same time.  That's a talent.  But it was nice to see there was no change really in their relationship.  I would hate to see Dalia stop treating Tessa so badly--it's one of the funniest things.  As far as Carmen leaving Dallas, I don't know if that's really something I care about at this point.  I would think that she would be better suited for Noah, who seems to think it's okay to put a cup holder on his baby.  Before child services come (I doubt they do in Chatswin) I pray that Carmen actually does start to take care of that baby.  Little Opus' mother certainly doesn't give a damn since she's off on a book tour instead of raising her newborn.  These women in that town...

Not the best episode, but not bad enough that I would question watching this show anymore.  After all, it was certainly one of my favorite new shows from last season, so I hope that it can remain one of my favorites.  Lately, my favorites seem to be dropping like flies, so I'm trying to give things more of a chance.  I want to see Tessa singing a little more in the next couple of episodes!

Lisa Denounces Gaga

The Simpsons, S023E22

Lisa was feeling bad for herself after both receiving an award for being the least popular and being exposed as promoting herself on a school message board.  Lady Gaga, traveling on her outlandish train, felt the presence of Lisa's low self-esteem and stopped into Springfield to cheer her up and the rest of the town.  After many failures to cheer up Lisa, Gaga herself adopted an uncharacteristic defeated attitude when Lisa exploded all of her frustrations upon her.  However, it turned out that was just what Lisa needed to bring herself out a dark and sad place.

For the season finale, I suppose they couldn't have gone bigger with a guest star other than Lady Gaga.  I'm not much of a fan of hers, but I don't think this episode was too cheesy.  In fact, I liked the way they poked fun of all of her outrageous outfits and flashy performances.  I think my favorite Gaga outfit was the one she had made out of meat where Homer kept roasting and eating it right off her.  If she had let him keep eating, it probably would have ended up being the fastest time Homer ever undressed a woman.

Another thing I just liked about Gaga in this episode was that she kept trying to promote positivity.  Yes, she was pushy despite that Lisa wasn't interested in her help, but I liked her style.  She could have been very vain and all flash and no substance, but she really wanted to see Lisa smile again and was truly hurt when Lisa exploded on her like she was the worst thing to come to town since Mr. Burns.  So I was little happy to see Lisa and Gaga make up and sing a song together (even though I didn't like the song).  Although, when Gaga was sad she was crying little diamonds, which was funny and sort of random.  That was a nice touch to add to the idea of her extreme glamor.

There were a lot of other little things that I enjoyed.  One was when a piece of glitter from Gaga's first little show in town landed on Mr. Burns' head and made him fall off his feet.  Another was when Skinner told Lisa to go along with her mean-spirited award in order to make things easier for herself.  Instead, the kids laughed at her and Skinner admitted that he doesn't know much about children.  The irony in that joke was not lost upon me.  But my favorite joke was probably when Moe was chasing after Gaga's train when she was attempting to leave town, asking her to wait:

[Moe] Can you help me with my self esteem?

[Gaga] I'm not that good.

Poor Moe.  Even the magical-like Gaga can't turn him into something that could remotely resemble a human.  But I loved that she didn't even need a moment to think about it.  Even someone who hasn't know Moe for more than a second can tell he's a hopeless case.

Finally, I think it was interesting that Homer was singing his own version of "Poker Face."  It wasn't hilarious, but I did like him putting "dohs" into the song to replaces "ohs."  I'm glad they saved that until the end when most people had probably stopped paying attention.  It wasn't a strong enough song to be included in the actual episode, so that was a smart move.  But I would have liked to see Homer dancing or something to the song.  That might have been good.

Overall, I don't think this was a bad finale with such a huge guest star.  I doubt that it was good enough to draw in fans that have been lost over the last decade or so, but I'm sure it made some people interested in how Lady Gaga would fare in Simpsons world.  I think she didn't do a horrible job and obviously had fun with it.  It was definitely a lot more funnier than I anticipated, and I had very low anticipations about a story about Lisa and Gaga.  This season wasn't brilliant, but it wasn't a complete failure, much like this episode.  So I think this was a good episode to end with.  It reflects the general tone of the 21 others.

A Mother Of A Season Finale

Suburgatory, S01E22

Mother's Day in Chatswin meant there was an excessive amount of fanfare for local mothers, including a very competitive 5k run for them.  Dallas thought she could get over Dalia spending Mother's Day with her father by putting her full effort into the run, but when she injured her leg, she realized what a big mistake it was to be separated from her daughter.  George and Eden had some disagreements about whether Tessa was honest about her feelings about her mother, and George couldn't bring himself to have sex with her yet.  After seeing the baby's room at the Warners' baby shower, Eden went into false labor.  Tessa didn't get her internship and started to think about her mother after seeing so many displays of motherly love around her.  Lisa refused to believe the results of her DNA test that proved she was born a Shay, but she found out that Ryan's blood type showed he couldn't be his parents' biological son.

I shouldn't have been surprised that residents of Chatswin go all out for Mother's Day, but even if I had anticipated that, I would have never thought of Shelia riding in a carriage dressed like she was Disney's Cinderella.  I think that someone should have started throwing rocks at her or something.  That's just way too much.  I'm sure that Shelia is a mother that does an incredible amount for her kids, but I'm also aware that she's so smothering that she shouldn't get award for all her excessive parenting.  However, I did think that Ryan was cute sitting next to her in a prince outfit.  It's amazing that he, just like other kids in the neighborhood, do not think that it's embarrassing to be treating their mothers like that.  As much as I love my mother, I don't think I could have put a full newspaper page in color with our picture on it (but that kind of stunt certainly suits Mr. Wolfe).  Only in Chatswin would no one blink an eye and would, rather, try to outdo that.

The only person who didn't seem to care much about the day (besides Tessa) was Dalia who didn't think twice about preserving the tradition of going to Israel for Mother's Day without her actual mother.  Usually Dalia's self-centered actions just make me love her, but the disappointment Dallas obviously had when she heard Dalia would be gone was a little heartbreaking.  For such a difficult child like Dalia, Dallas is a wonderful mother.  I would hope that Dalia would show at least the smallest speck of appreciation.  But no.  I really wanted to see what Dalia might have done that would have been sweet only for a spoiled brat like her.  That was one letdown.

Another letdown was seeing Dallas put up a really good race only to fall and hurt her leg.  She could have won and knocked down Shelia a peg.  But I liked that she was tempted to call George for her emergency contact when the paramedic confirmed that her hair looked great.  George definitely would have come if there wasn't the matter of Eden.  In fact, the way that George was standing in the middle of the hospital when he heard about Dallas and heard that Eden was calling for him, it seemed he was at a crossroads at just who was more important to him then.  I think that if there was a burning building (and Eden was no longer pregnant), he probably would pull Dallas out first if he had to choose between the two.  We'll have to wait until the next season to see if George and/or Dallas finally see the light.

I felt for Tessa when she finally saw the light about how it sucked to have a mother out there that apparently didn't make any effort to contact her practically.  I liked how it was seeing her substitute mother, Dallas, want the company of her real daughter over Tessa's that made her stop fooling herself about her feelings.  I can relate to that feeling, having grown up most of my life without a mother.  Tessa probably was so used to brushing off the subject of her mother (in order to not have anyone pity her and protect herself) that she forgot her real abandonment issues and longing for a mother in her life (even a largely imperfect one).  I didn't expect that her grandmother would be waiting for her when Tessa got home, but it made me hopeful that we would see Tessa's mother one day.  I really want to know what her life was like that George was able to get full custody of Tessa.  But the finale wasn't going to give us any clues about that just yet.

As far as Lisa's story, I was none too surprised that Lisa was a real Shay, but I was little shocked that Ryan wasn't.  It makes a little more sense that he's apparently treated better than Lisa--they probably had to fight hard to get him and treasure his existence.  I wonder how Ryan will take the news (I doubt Lisa will just keep it to herself).  He's an easy-going guy, but he's also sensitive and might get upset about being lied to.  I think that parents should tell their adopted children early on that they aren't theirs because one day it'll get out and they will feel betrayed (unless you're Lisa and you would be thrilled).  Another story for another season.

Have to say that I agreed with Eden about the baby room.  Noah and Jill are beyond disgusting.  I feel like that room should be evidence to get them arrested.  They have all that money and they want to spend it on helping endangered species have a greater chance of becoming extinct.  Eden is a little dramatic sometimes with her beliefs (like telling Tessa her doughnut would stay in her colon for decades), but I think her reaction to that room of death was appropriate.  I hope that she doesn't reconsider giving Noah and Jill a child.  They obviously aren't the nurturing type.  They are monsters, like she said, but Eden also doesn't have any rights to their baby, either.  Just call the child inside her "Monster Junior."

Lastly, I just gotta ask what the hell was Whoopi Goldberg doing voicing Yakult in Dallas's drug-induced (I'm assuming) vision?  That was so random to me, and also unnecessary.  I feel like Dallas could have come to conclusion that she needed Dalia without that.  Plus, it just creeped me out to see that dog talking all of sudden, even if it wasn't real.  Of all things to do in a finale.

I'm really glad that Suburgatory has been picked up for another season!  They left a lot of things unanswered (on purpose) that I'd like to get more information about.  I suppose the topic I'm most interested in knowing more about is Tessa's mother.  I hope that with her grandmother making another appearance, we'll get to learn a significant amount about the mystery woman.  And, of course, in doing so we'll learn more about Tessa.  Ryan's introduction into the Shay family is also a story I'm eagerly awaiting to see told on this show.  It might even make me like that busybody Shelia a bit more, and I'm sure it'll make me like Ryan even more.  This was really good first season, and I'm confident that they will be able to pull off another great one in 2013.  Since this new show is easily one of my favorites now, I'm counting down the days until I can watch another episode.

Fattening Up Nelson? Good Plan

The Simpsons, S23E20

Homer got time off from work after Burns gave him a concussion, but he decided not to tell his family because they were all too uninterested in his stories to listen (or just generally mad at him).  He sent the time with his Dr. Cain, a movie character that he envisioned from the blow to his head.  With Cain's help, Homer learned how to be a better husband, but attracted the attention of a jealous husband with a gun.  The husband came after Homer again when he was romancing Marge on a date, but he was able to charm himself out of death with one of the techniques that Cain taught him.  Bart tried to get rid of Nelson's bullying by fattening him up with Krusty Burger food.  However, thanks to Lisa complaining to Krusty, Nelson was trained into an even more powerful bully than before.

Homer's story was mostly strange than it was funny.  I liked that he was hanging out with a movie character voiced by Bryan Cranston, but it was weird that a hallucination was giving him helpful advice (and being kind of creepy when he was watching Homer make out with Marge).  Before Homer started listening to an invisible man, I liked when he and Mr. Burns were discussing Homer's compensation for the concussion Burns had caused: 

[Burns] Fine.  8 weeks off with pay. 

[Homer screams]  

[Burns] That's a good thing.

[Homer] But you said it so mean.

Since that was about the only amusing thing in that story, I liked Bart's story slightly more.  My favorite line from it was when Bart was complaining to Milhouse about Nelson:

[Milhouse] My mom says bully only bully cuz they're scared. 

[Nelson] Your mom's next!

 I just didn't expect Nelson to be listening  their conversation, nor to go after his "creator" for a comment she had told her son.  Then he actually went to her and insulted her son and poured out her hair dye.

What I liked most about Bart's story was that he got the idea to fatten up Nelson from a Supersize Me spoof documentary that he saw in class.  That documentary was nothing too amazing except the part at the end where Decland had to have nuggets IV-ed into his arm to survive.  That was really gross!  But I applaud Bart for actually learning during class and coming up with a cruel, but effective plan to get Nelson out of his hair.  I mean, if you think about it, Bart was doing a nice thing for Nelson, who probably never uses the money he steals for food anyway.  If Nelson had just used the free coupons he had been given more sparingly, he could have eaten free food for a long time.  Instead, I'm sure that he probably blew through those coupons in like a week or two.  It's a sick plan to endanger someone's health like that, but Nelson, too, endangers children's health (though not to such a crippling degree).  I kind of wish that Lisa hadn't intervened because Bart's plan was working so well for everyone and in the end they all had to be pummeled by a ripped Nelson.  Good job, Lisa.  I don't think there was much of a lesson there at all, except that learning at school can be dangerous if you're evil enough.

Not one of the best ones this season, but not too bad for one that had a guest star.  Seeing Homer reinvent himself to make Marge a happier wife is nothing they haven't done a million times, so it wasn't the most inspired story, but I think that Bart's was a little more creative and enjoyable.  I just wish that there had been a more satisfying ending.  But at this stage of this show, you can't expect the writers to have deliver the complete package like viewers were accustomed to back in the day.

Eden Rocks The Altman Boat

Suburgatory, S01E20

George continued to have problems while dating Eden, the biggest being that Noah was being overprotective of her and his baby inside of her.  Shelia started to fill Jill's head with the possibility that Eden would try to steal Noah away from her, adding to the negative atmosphere around Eden.  Tessa was enjoying her job at Dallas' store and got a promotion.  However, George, noticing how much time and money she was putting into her job, asked Dallas to cut back Tessa's hours.  Dallas agreed, even though George just wanted Tessa to have more time to spend getting to know Eden.  In a side story, Lisa began to think that she was adopted and looked for evidence.

George really must have no other friends he can make because if he did have another option besides Noah, I would say he was an idiot to continue interacting with Noah at all.  He has gone above and beyond paranoid and intrusive with his questions about George's intimacy with Eden and making George sign a contract about what he could and couldn't do with Eden while pregnant.  I was really hoping that Noah's insanity would make George snap, and he might literally slap some sense into him.  However, George kept respecting his friend's crazy demands, while Eden could barely hug George without him awkwardly pulling away.

I'm not sure what nosy Shelia is up to, but I can't believe Jill was so stupid to listen to her.  Everyone in town knows that woman does nothing but give out advice that no one asked for or needed.  And she's a chronic gossip.  She'll say anything, as long as it looks true enough in her eyes, regardless of what the facts might be.  I don't know if Lisa's conclusion that her mother's strange actions are linked to her being adopted, but that would be an interesting turn of events.  It would be sad, though, that her family treats her like an afterthought and she was an adopted child.  It'd be like why did you adopt her if you were only going to make her feel second-best all the time?

As for Tessa, it was nice to see her so good at her job and making some serious cash.  I got annoyed that George had been busy with Eden and hadn't even seen Tessa for a while, but only wanted to start spending time with her again so that she could get to know Eden.  How selfish!  Even if he thought Tessa was in danger of spending too much money or becoming Dallas or something, as long as Tessa was happy and doing well at school, why bother her??  Sure he and Eden has something special, but it didn't give him the right to be butting into her life like that.  As sweet as I thought it was that George provided Eden refuge from crazy Noah and Jill, I leaned toward taking Tessa's side who had to suddenly live with her father's new girlfriend and had to work less at a job she was doing well at.  No matter how well Tessa and Eden may get along, I think that George owes Tessa a huge apologetic gesture.

The last thing I thought was good about this episode was that Dallas started to show signs of jealousy that Eden and George were clicking so well.  So her feelings for George are still there, after all.  It's nice to see the shoe on the other foot because I know that George wasn't too pleased with all the boy toys Dallas had after her divorce, too.  But since he has met Eden, he hasn't bothered with Dallas since (until needing her to cut back Tessa's hours).  I'd love to see Dallas and Eden interact soon.  It'd be funny to see her try to hide her dislike of Eden.

Good episode, although I would have loved some more Dalia in it.  I'm interested to see what Lisa finds out from the DNA test she seemed to be taking at the end.  I wonder how Ryan's feelings would change for her if she was adopted?  It'll be even more interesting to see how Tessa handles another woman under her roof.  I'm pretty sure that even as sweet as Eden appears to be, there's little chance that Tessa will welcome her into their home with open arms.  Sounds like we can expect some entertaining conflict in the next episode!

Malik and Lisa: Just...Nasty

Suburgatory, S01E18

Lisa and Malik finally became an official couple, but Lisa felt so guilty about making Tessa the third wheel that she tried to hook her up with Evan.  Tessa started feeling sorry for herself and was moping around her house until Ryan brought her out of her funk and reminded her that she wasn't as pathetic as Lisa was trying to make her.  Dallas realized that she was depressed about her divorce after all and leaned on George for advice on how to handle it.  Dalia came to terms with anger she felt toward her mother for separating her from her father, mostly through getting a pet kangaroo.

Wow, after wanting Lisa and Malik to get together, they are so disgusting to watch as a couple.  They can't even drink at the water fountain without all this sensual mouth and tongue action going on!  That, plus their ice cream and fondue eating, made me instantly regret their fusion.  I guess the best thing about them being together is that they compliment each other.  I thought maybe Lisa was the one instigating all the over-sexed vibes, but Malik seems to be of the same mind since the advice he gave to Evan was fairly pervy.  It doesn't surprise me at all that Tessa was having a hard time being around them--anyone would.  Puke city.  I did like how Lisa's mother encouraged their relationship (to the point she seemed to be kissing Malik's ass and bribing him with food).  It was pretty funny how she kept comparing him to random black people she knew (making their breakfast even more awkward).

I was so annoyed, however, that Lisa kept looking upon Tessa like a charity case to the point that she tried to set her up with Evan.  Way to dig deep, Lisa.  She barely tried to find a suitable match and just wanted an easy solution to unwarranted guilt.  Evan was so awkward and dirty in his approach, thanks to listening to Malik.  He was lucky that Tessa didn't slap him in his face.  Despite Lisa claimed that she would take a bullet for Tessa (really?  what about when she ran off when Tessa was buying that scooter??), she obviously doesn't think so much about her that she would try to get some semi-decent.  Never thought I'd say this, but thank goodness for Ryan appearing.

Ryan has won me over, especially after with his time with George.  Initially he was repulsive, but I've gotten the impression that he's not bad guy at all--he's just a moron.  Maybe it was a little creepy he was semi-stalking Tessa while she was eating butter and walking around in breakfast food pajamas, but he gave her the necessary kick in the pants she needed. Tessa was being really weird and lonely by herself, so I'd much rather her go out with Ryan than be at home pretending that she was all right.  Plus, he's kinda cute in a doofus kind of way.  It wouldn't be horrible if Tessa considered him again.

As far as her father's love life is concerned, I was glad to see that George was able to provide Dallas a shoulder to cry on (or a mattress).  She had me fooled that she was taking her divorce incredibly well, and I didn't think that George's offer to give her advice about the divorce would matter to Dallas, but she had a breakdown sooner than I could have imagined.  It was pretty cute how she and George were talking on the bed about handling the depression.  I think some of the things he told her sunk in, even though it looked like it was the idea of  shopping for a new "depressed woman" wardrobe was what lifted her spirits.

It was also sweet how Noah tried to comfort Dalia about the divorce.  That was unexpected.  He usually seems so caught up in himself that he can't be bothered to worried about others' problems.  Even though his solution to Dalia's problem was to get her a kangaroo like the one in Kangaroo Jack, it seemed to help her more than anything else.  After all, she just wanted someone to be on her side (obviously Dallas' dog was her enemy), and I guess a pet kangaroo is better than nothing.  It's not like Dalia is going to get a real friend, so a kangaroo it is.  I really wonder if this pet will be permanent or was just a gag for this episode.  Can't imagine that a kangaroo would be happy living domestically.

I hope that this is the end of having to endure the unpleasant PDAs of Malik and Lisa and perhaps the start of Ryan and Tessa (at least a friendship).  This is one of the few shows that I really look forward to, so I have missed it the past couple of weeks.  Can't wait to see what they have come up with for next week!

Old Friends, Old Scooter

Suburgatory, S01E17

Dallas finally opens her crystal store and invites her sorority sisters for the event.  Tessa strives for independence from George "mothering" her and takes up a part-time job at Dallas' store.  Despite that Dallas has to face an old rival, ain't no one stopping her Steve-free express train to happiness.  Tessa has a longer way to go before she's traveling George-free yet, but her scooter is a nice start (once her dad lets her drive it).

The best thing about Dallas' reunion with her girls was the appearance of the "ol' bitch" that she didn't invite in the first place, Tulsa.  She was played aptly by Robin Givens, and I loved their interactions.  Tulsa was trying to steal the spotlight (which she did) with her endless moaning about the death of her ex-husband.  If she didn't clearly enjoy destroying Dallas' happy moment, I might have felt a sliver of sympathy for Tulsa.  You have to give props to Dallas who remains classy and upbeat, even when faced with her nemesis hinting that she may have slept with her ex-husband.  Seriously?  If Steve was doing someone like Tulsa, a woman that Dallas knew personally, then he is a bigger scum than I thought.  You couldn't cheer Dallas on any better for embracing her single life with that tidbit of information.

The best thing about Tessa story was the very first scene where she was arguing with George why she couldn't walk home from the library if he insists that walking "builds character" (Haha!):

[George] Because it's dark out.
[Tessa] You think it's safer for me to sit alone outside a dark, empty building?

She brings up a good point.  After George suggests that if she wants independence then she should get a job and buy her own set of wheels, Tessa manages to achieve that in about a day, thanks to Dallas' pay advance.  Since Tessa didn't even show up for her first assignment, does that mean Dallas will fire her?  Dallas seemed a little displeased with her absence, but it's hard to tell if she is truly mad or not.  It certainly would be a benefit for her to have a girl like Tessa who would probably keep things practical while Dallas is floating on her crystal cloud nine.

It's crazy that she had enough money to buy a used scooter even from Craigslist, but it was even crazier that Tess went to pick it up and chose Lisa to accompany her.  She would have been better alone if the bitch is gonna push her into a probable creeper's home!  I couldn't even be shocked that Lisa did that and ran for the hills.  I was more surprised to see her helping Tessa move it after it turned out the shirtless stranger could be trusted to sell her the scooter without mishap.  Tessa must be hurting for friends because I would have slapped the hell out of Lisa, regardless of her intense "survival instinct."  I like Lisa because she's so ridiculously paranoid and misinformed, but I would trade her for the first better friend I could find in a quick minute.

Now that George has gone to talk to Tessa's grandmother Helen, I wonder if we will finally see her mother.  If she's anything like Helen, we're going to be looking forward to another bitch on the screen.  I guess I forgot or something that Tessa's mother wasn't dead, but rather just not in the picture.  According to the conversation George and Helen had, George sued for full custody and won, which means that the mother had to have had some serious problems going on (I don't know why my first thought is drugs, but a mental instability is likely as well).  George is a good guy, but he's a little clumsy as a parental figure and would only look good in the midst of an obviously incompetent guardian.  He's loving, for sure, but he definitely doesn't have the smoothest parenting skills.

It would be pretty cool to see Tessa getting around on that scooter--it seems to fit her style better than a car.  I think George will cave and let her drive it (probably under some kind of condition).  It would also be interesting to see Dalia express more of her true feelings about the divorce (we almost had a tender moment between she and Dallas, but her texting showed that she is still all about the things she can get out of it).  And as always, let's get back to Dalia versus Tessa.  I'm sure if Tessa keeps working at Dallas' store, Dalia's bound to find a way to disrupt Tessa's life.  Crossing my fingers on that one.

Lisa Takes A Walk On The Pink Side

Suburgatory, S01E15

This week's episode wasn't exactly funny, but there was something cute about it.  I think it had to do with the story about Dalia trying to bring Lisa to the "pink side."  What did make it not a particularly great episode was that Noah was too heavily involved, and he's too much of a jellyfish (in terms of morals, courage and brains) to be that interesting.  His wife was following the happy-divorce trend that Dallas was setting.  I only wanted to see this story unfold in order to see what it would do for Dallas and George's relationship.

So let's talk about those two first.  George was definitely showing how jealous he was of Dallas's new boy toy, who only wore white (as did she for most of the episode).  I was less surprised that Dallas had gotten herself a little extra meat on her chest (as if she needed it) and more that she had decided to move on with someone like Yanni.  I mean, Dallas won't win any awards for the deepest woman in the world, but I thought she had a little more substance to chose a a bit more wisely.  It's crazy that she seemed to flirt more with George when she was married than she does now.   I get the sense that George is trying to win her over slowly by his ice-cream (or was it yogurt?) treating gesture.  And they both got the same thing!  Must be love!  But I guess George and Dallas won't get together so easily, or it wouldn't be any fun for those of us watching.

I liked that Dalia thinks a good revenge against Tessa is to get her best friend (I'm assuming they wouldn't have been able to get Malik?).  It's a transparent move, but Lisa goes along with it anyway, too blinded by the brilliance of Dalia and her clique to care whether her ticket in is sincere or not.  And Lisa is hardly apologetic for it; she's been starving to be someone that others envy and will take any chance she's got to become this person.  You can't hate Lisa for this.  Her own mother asked, "Who?" when Dalia told her that she was at their house to pick up Lisa.  She's invisible even at her own home; of course, becoming one of Dalia's Barbies is a better deal than hanging with Tessa, who couldn't be popular if she tried.  

However, I didn't like her too much when she left Malik hanging and forced him to dance with Kimantha.  Their dancing together was hilarious, though.  Tessa was smart to bring in one of Dalia's lackies to counteract Dalia's plan.  Although Lisa had been completely made a Dalia clone on the outside, her insides remained the same; she still wanted Malik for herself.  All right!  Lisa even knocks Kimantha out of the way and grabs her man!  Way to go, Lisa!  I'm hoping that it won't be this one time thing and from now on they will be a couple.

After Lisa returned her Dalia Club membership, Tessa asked Dalia for a cease-fire since she isn't even dating Scott anymore, but Dalia has a different ax to grind; she is having trouble imagining her mother eventually marrying Tessa's dad.  I shouldn't say "trouble" since Dalia not only foresees their parents getting together but also much further in the future where Dalia steals Tessa's girlfriend from college and then has to cater Dalia and said girlfriend's wedding.  Wow.  I couldn't believe how detailed she was!  It was great.  Tessa didn't have much to say after that and left Dalia alone.  Good call.  What could you say to all of that?

Lastly, I just want to say that Lisa is kind of scary.   The next day she is even less apologetic about what she did and says that real friends are the ones you can take for granted because they'll stick by you or something.  Then she demands for something to drink with a humorless expression.  What, so now she thinks she is the shit because she was with Dalia for a few days?  Well, I just gotta say that Malik has his hands full with a girlfriend like that.  He'd be careful not to let her upgrade him the first opportunity that presents itself to her.

I wish this episode had a little more of the battle between Dalia and Tessa.  We didn't get to see too much of Lisa enjoying being one of Dalia's "friends."  And we didn't get to see Tessa agonizing too much over Lisa betraying them.  Perhaps Tessa is too smart, as she didn't waste too much time to get Kimantha on her side, to fall for Dalia's cheap tricks.  If so, I'd like to see Dalia come up with something more clever that Tessa can't so easily get out of.  Maybe Dalia will start plotting against George so that he won't get any closer to her mom.  That would be good.  One thing is for sure, though:  we don't need another Noah-centric story.  Let's save those for a time when his character is less of a boring idiot to me.

500th Episode, Negative 500 Laughs

The Simpsons, S23E14

Now The Simpsons has made it to their 500th episode.  Wow, how times flies by.  That is an impressive milestone when you consider that there probably hasn't been a fabulous episode for about ten or so years (not consistently anyway).  This week's episode fell into that category, but it wasn't entirely terrible.

I enjoyed watching some of the old couch gags.  I didn't remember most of them, actually.  I suppose that is because I usually don't pay much attention until the episode truly starts.  A fairly good line at the beginning of the episode is when Homer tells Lisa to pick up a book:

[Lisa] I pick up books like you pick up beer!
[Homer] Then you have a serious reading problem.

After they get bored sitting around doing a disaster drill, the family decides to go out into town while everyone else is doing the drill.  They expect to find the town empty, but they see that everyone is gathered at a town meeting to discuss Springfield's most troublesome family, the Simpsons.  This mildly reminds me of The Simpsons Movie where the whole town turned against them, figuring that it's a bigger disadvantage to have them in town than not.  However, this time, we get to hear more about why each of them are a menace.  Bart and Homer are no-brainers; they destroy things on a regular basis with their antics.  But Lisa is seen as an eyesore for her meddlesome environmental endeavors, and Maggie is just seen as a devil baby of some sorts:

[Cookie] Even baby never cry!

[Maggie makes a throat cutting motion]

[Cookie] What baby does that? 

Even Marge isn't safe from being banned, despite her earnest plea for the town to not see her family as monsters.   Thanks to her tendency to present her family "in a more forgiving light," she is deemed the worst Simpson of all.  Nice.

They end up going to the "Outlands" after a resident threatens them with a gun and invites them.  I liked that they redid the opening scene in a more country, off the grid-like fashion.  Somehow this reminded me of The Riches, but I'm not sure if that was my imagination or something that the writers intended the viewers to think about.  Their lives there were less refined and almost completely boring.  What I liked most of their new lives was when Homer was tired of watching "fox" and there was an actual fox on a rock in front of them.  Maggie's little mohawk and aggressive actions were cute, though.  And I did enjoy when their neighbor (whose name escapes me) tells Homer that he should get out less.

Homer and Marge sneak back into Springfield after Marge laments her lost home.  They do this dressed as Mr. Burns and Smithers, and I was surprised that Homer didn't mess it up by forgetting Mr. Burn's catchphrase of "Excellent."  I guess they've already done that before, where Homer mistakenly thinks his phrase is "Exactly."  I love that episode, by the way. 

Since Homer doesn't mess it up, the two enjoy sneaking around town all the way back to their old house, where they are cornered by the majority of the town (if not the whole town).  This development is predictable and easily turns sentimental after Marge, with little convincing, tells them that they are the jerks, and she and Homer are returning to their real, better home.  The only thing that was notable about this scene was when the Mayor admits they are jerks, and Wiggum pulls out a spray of "Jerk Off," which he offers to spray on him.  Gross.  But mildly funny.

In the end, the whole town moves to the Outlands, wanting to escape from the choke hold of Springfield.  This was an easy solution to their problem and not very entertaining.  I only slightly liked that Moe's establishment in the Outlands was "Moe's Cavern," which was set up in a cave.  Everyone makes the move there, except Skinner who hasn't gotten the memo.  Bart later comes to get him, but I didn't expect him to actually carry him all the way.  He intentionally makes Skinner slam into things on the way, but I thought he might just drop his archenemy.  I guess that's just as good.

At the end, the show asks that we viewers go out and get some fresh air before they go on the internet to say how much the episode sucked.  That was a nice touch and makes me think that the staff realize how bad the show has gotten.  I'm wondering if they are under some pressure or obligation to keep the show on the air.  Well, if they keep losing viewers with these lackluster stories, they won't be able to afford to keep it on.  And they do have Family Guy and such, but I don't think that it can really fill the void The Simpsons will leave on FOX Sunday nights.  However, FG is popular, so you never know.  It could be celebrating its 500th episode one day.

I appreciate The Simpsons passing the test of time, but the 500th episode is not one I'm excited to see again.  I'm only happy there weren't too many guest stars in this episode.  They could have made a much bigger to-do about this milestone, but they didn't.  However, I'd like them to do stories that are a little more original and bring more laughs.

The Body is a Sweetie

 Suburgatory, S01E14

 

 If I had to summarize what this episode was about, it would be winners versus losers.  The winners were mostly those being good at sports.  Ryan, aka "The Body," has a taste of being a loser after getting injured during a wrestling match.  Tessa tries to run for student body president in order to prevent the "K" twins from initiating a double-gym requirement.

I will say as stupid as Ryan is, he is a pretty likeable character.  He seems like just an airhead jock, but he does have feelings.  His parents, who are one moment carrying him to his car one day and then giving away his dessert on another, are pretty fair-weather guardians.  While Ryan sulks upstairs in his wheelchair, his parents shift their attention to Lisa, who after being neglected by them so long is oh, but so eager to bask in their spotlight.  The moment when Ryan is crying upstairs makes you go, "Aww," but at the same time made me laugh.  It's just so ridiculous.  What terrible parents he and Lisa have.  They throw a funeral-like procession just because their son can't compete anymore.  Maybe if they achieve a little more in their own lives, they wouldn't have to mourn the loss of being a champion's parents.

I was sad to see that Tessa's run for president pretty much ended before it started.  She wisely realized that she wasn't going to win a popularity contest when she had the coordination of a two-headed worm, but I wish that she had a more fighting spirit.  Lisa was all gun-ho about it, but that was just because she wanted to have her first victory dinner as Tessa's campaign manager.  She realizes that just because everyone there is sport-oriented that it doesn't mean those so called "jocks" are not worried about their grades and maybe she needs to try harder at sports.  Good for her.  I like that she opts for the growth route, rather than denouncing the school system and stirring up more trouble than she would have liked.

My favorite thing about this episode was Ryan and George hanging out.  They just seemed like such a random pair.  George tries to get Ryan to see that you can always reinvent yourself, but it sort of backfires and convinces Ryan to force himself to literally walk through the pain.  I didn't think that someone as dumb as Ryan would have a huge revelation and find meaning in his life outside of sports, but I didn't expect him to hop out of his wheelchair and run away from becoming someone like George.  Before he did this and George was explaining his old band, "Alt Man," they had a great funny moment:

[George] Do you get it?

[Ryan] No, but I trust you.

He gets it later.  Haha.  I'm not surprised that George had a band.  He seems like someone who might.  He almost reminds me of that dad on Gossip Girl.  Although, George doesn't seem to have much talent to write his own stuff.  Maybe we will see him sing in another episode. 

Oh, and thanks to George, Ryan does a sweet thing in his own way for Lisa.  Instead of asking for another of his favorite marinara-sauced dishes, he asks his parents to cook Lisa's favorite tuna and shells.  Aww...  That moron is a sweetie pie.  If he wasn't so thick-headed, I'd want to see him get together with Tessa again.

I have to say that I love how positive Dallas is being during her divorce.  She is determined to let no one get her down.  I was confused why Noah was trying to get in her way of self-empowerment, until I remembered that he and Steven were friends.  He needs to get over it because he's not going to stop her from brightening her teeth and her outlook on life.  Yay!

I just really like this show.  It might be one of the few that I really look forward to in the week because it hardly disappoints.  This may not have been the best of stories this time, but I still had a good time watching it.  It's nice to have that fresh feeling of hope now that so many of my long-time shows are starting to get a little boring.

I Would Have Preferred A Rerun Of The "Love Day" Episode

Last night's The Simpsons was one of the better episodes from their 23th season.  Frankly, I'm getting sick of all the guest stars they've had recently.  That to me is a good sign that they are grasping at straws to keep the show on.  I've been a fan of this show since I was a child, and I don't really want to have to stop watching.  The Simpson family is almost like one of my own, and it's hard to imagine not seeing them with new adventures.  But come on...  Are writers really this bad nowadays or is it just impossible to write any more interesting stories for something that has done about everything you can over the 20 years?

They say this is 499th episode.  They have a big-to-do moment in the couch montage before Lisa reveals this fact to them, and Moe lets them know that FOX isn't going to celebrate it again.  Ha.

Lisa falls in love with a boy who writes in this Valentine's episode.  The boy is voiced by Michael Cera, who is an actor I enjoy, but I'm still wary of these tactics to get viewers to watch simply with semi-famous celebrities.  Their story is entertaining for a little bit, as Lisa rarely finds a boy that she can connect with, but it ultimately doesn't work out.  She was just swept away by the fantasy the boy was throwing at her and didn't see the reality of a relationship with a troubled writer.  Lisa's fascination caused a little rift between Marge and she, but they barely touched upon it.  I mean, Marge could have gone much further with jealousy that her daughter was growing apart from her, but they didn't.  She was a little disappointed, but nothing significant.  Weak.

Bart and Milhouse became myth-busters.  That was a little funny.  It worked to distract you from Lisa's lukewarm romance that we knew wouldn't last.  I liked that the two watched TV at a gas station to defy Marge telling them not to watch TV on the TV, computer, or smartphone.  They immediately went to find out if using cellphones at gas stations was dangerous, causing a sizable explosion.  That got a little chuckle from me.  But most of their myths were boring with subdued consequences.

My favorite thing about the episode was when Homer and Bart were hanging out together for Valentine's Day.  They may be at each other's worst enemies most of the time, but they are a darling son and father couple.  Homer's pretty lucky that he had a dumb son that can enjoy that reckless and brainless activities he enjoys himself.

This episode pales in comparison to episodes from about 10 or more years ago, but it was all right for a current season.  The best episode this season by far was the one with their future selves (The Simpsons are really good at stories with the future, which is probably why Futurama is so good).  Next episode, we need more Homer and less guest stars.  We get it--you don't know what you're doing writers, but you need to get to work and think outside of the box.