Tina's Poop Scoop

Bob's Burgers, S03E12

Tina started reporting about a serial pooper at school in her own newscast when the school news channel pushed her to the background as just a juice server.  Gene also started dressing and acting like Bob when he saw that Bob once looked like Gene at his age.

I was reminded in this episode how much I hate Tammy. Not only is she dressing a little too flashy for her age, but she's the type of girl who doesn't want anyone to shine except herself.  I don't know if the teacher would have given Tina the position of anchor if Tammy hadn't sabotaged her (since Tina isn't naturally filled with energy and celebrity appeal), but she might have been taken seriously instead of being looked upon as a burden.

I admired that Tina went after a real story, even though no one wanted to listen to her at first.  She was genuinely interested in journalism and informing the student body about important events happening in their school. It's just lucky that it turned out to be something so disgusting and grabbing like someone going around the school dropping dukes wherever they felt like.  I was really happy that Tina's reporting was making her popular enough that the news crew who had shunned her was jealous enough to try to frame her.

I don't know if Zeke has always had a thing for Tina or if he's just a nice enough kid to poop in public for her sake.  Either way, it was sweet that someone else was on her side.  Of course, Louise was one of her biggest supporters and even tried to get a little payback on Tammy at the end.  That was one of my favorite parts when Louise pushed Tammy toward the poop.  That would have been a really awesome ending, but unfortunately Louise hadn't pushed her quite enough.  Damn.  Still, I loved that Louise tried.

It was also sort of sad and cute that Tina had such a repertoire with the school janitor.  Like, she is by no means overflowing with friends, so it's not that surprising that she would befriend a staff member.  Still, I wish that she had someone around her age that would laugh at one of her jokes even if that person didn't understand it.  Tina has a lot to offer as a friend, and it would be nice if more people noticed that.

As far as Gene was concerned, he was being his typical pain-in-the-butt self.  I felt like I could feel Bob's anger with Gene imitating him in a way that wasn't cute at all.  Of course, the rest of the family indulged him and made the whole thing much worse than it had to be.  All Gene was doing, really, was insulting his father 24-7, and he looked sort of like an asshole doing that.  At one point Gene said that the family was terrible, but he still loved them in what he assumed was a Bob-like fashion.  Although Bob was mad he said that, I gotta agree that the family is terrible, but Bob does still love them all the same.  I mean, he'd be terrible himself if he didn't love his own family (since it's not like they are murderers or spitting in his face), but I often think that Bob would be so better off if he ran off one day (not unlike Archer in that episode--the real Bob himself could use a spa day).  Bob's just lucky that Gene doesn't stick to one annoying thing forever and can be distracted enough by poop to stop playing his father like a fool.  And I'm lucky, too, because I couldn't stand to watch it much longer.

This episode wasn't bad.  It made me like Tina a lot more and remind me of the many characters on this show who I wish would fall into a hole in the center of the Earth.  Really, the writers are geniuses at creating characters who are so irritating.  However, even though I generally like the shenanigans that the kids get into, I have to say that they can be pretty irritating themselves.  This is particularly true of Gene, who takes his jokes on further than is necessary or funny.  I'd love to see an episode once where him constantly making fun of his father brings him more unpleasant consequences.  Sometimes someone needs to slap some sense into that boy.

Being Black Ain't Bout the Crack

New Girl, S02E12

Jess invited Nick and Angie to a cabin getaway with her and Sam because she was nervous about being alone.  Things got awkward when they started drinking and some misunderstandings occurred.  Schmidt was also worried about Winston denying his real self and tried to make him feel at ease by doing things like taking him to go buy crack, unaware that Winston was just playing him.

I couldn't imagine a worse idea for Jess's romantic weekend than to invite Nick and his wild girlfriend.  It really shows that Jess was desperate not to be alone with Sam in an intimate setting and also how much she needs Nick at her side.  I mean, of course, it would be odd for her to invite any of her other single friends, but still.  I could see her inviting Nick whether Angie was in the picture or not.  I expected something would happen to reveal that Jess and Sam aren't as perfect as she's trying to make them to be (even though, as Sam pointed out, they started off as sex buddies with fake names), but I never thought Angie would think the purpose of them being there was to switch partners.

I'm not too mad at Angie for trying to get with Sam for a second.  I mean, calling in Nick and Angie there was weird to begin with and left things up to interpretation.  Plus, Sam was resisting her even while being drunk out of his mind.  What did make me like Angie a lot less was after having a heart-to-heart with Nick about meeting him halfway and admitting that he cared about her, Angie ran off in the middle of the night.  Really?  Nick didn't even get mad about her trying to jump another man's bones and asked for her not to change for him.  I feel like why should Nick even continue to be decent to women when he gets treated like this?  It's a damn shame.  But maybe Nick shouldn't try to date women with so much baggage.  Nick's not so together himself that he can expect to fix anyone else.

I only found a few funny things in that story, all of them about Nick.  The first was when he was drunk and for some reason complimenting Sam:

If you were a hat, you’d be a top hat.  But like a really big Monopoly one.  And I say that
of the deepest compliments.

I like when Nick has these moments where he's just randomly blurting out whatever comes to his mind.  Usually, though, he's not even drunk.

The second line I liked was at the very end after Nick had eaten some potato salad from the trash along with the remaining absinthe:

 I am gonna poop weird tonight!

That was about the funniest thing in the Jess and Nick story, but the Winston and Schmidt's story supplied the rest of the comedy.  It started off well when Schmidt decided that he was going to be the black friend to Winston that he thought Winston was missing.  I was already laughing when he consulted Nick and Cece about it because Nick's face in response to what Schmidt was saying was hilarious.  It was just screaming that it was a bad idea, but of course, once Schmidt has it in his head, it's going to become reality.

Everything that happened between them pretty much had me laughing from Winston telling Schmidt to take the Rastafarian hat off his head to Winston's ridiculous story about how his family used to enjoy crack next to flaming trash can.  You gotta love that Schmidt didn't think for a second that story was full of crap and instead was sort of moved by it so much that he wanted to find him some crack.

The near end of it was when I was really rolling.  It was funny enough to hear Schmidt use the expression "crack cocaine" so many times, but Schmidt his whole attitude toward the whole transaction was hilarious:

[Schmidt] I suppose we could just get out and ask any of these street youths.

[Winston] I’ll let you get out the car first.  Go ahead, do your thing, man.
[Schmidt] I don’t want to ask the wrong person and end up with I want the fresh crack, you know? Not some crack that’s been laying around all day.

I didn't think that it could get funnier than that until they brought a random stranger in their car.  It was really funny that Robert ended up thinking that Winston and Schmidt were gonna rob him.  I loved hearing them scream like they were being murdered.  It really makes me thankful for Winston who is the kind of guy who would let things get this far before coming clean.  One of the best Schmidt and Winston moments yet.

It's a bit sadder than I imagined that Nick and Angie are over (maybe), but I'm not entirely unhappy about that.  Seeing Nick and Jess in the cabin, it's just clearer and clearer that they would be so magical together.  Certainly more than Jess and Sam, who aren't exactly firing off fireworks in the romance department.  Schmidt is definitely a moron for thinking he had to cater to Winston's "black" side, but at the same time he's proven that he's willing to go beyond and above for a friend even under a very misguided notion.  He might get a little racist and offensive, but you can't question that he loves Winston.  And I love Winston too.  Anyone who can set up a friend to drive to a shady area for some crack as a horrible joke, is a guy I want to see as much of as possible.

A Schmidt Baby Makes Me Want To Gag

New Girl, S01E21

Cece had to wait in fear and repulsion to see if she was pregnant with Schmidt's child.  Jess babysat Sarah, Russel's daughter, who was in love with Nick.  Nick found out that his newest girlfriend was younger than he thought.  Winston had to take care of his boss who was intimidated by another talk host.

The thing I was worried about slightly less than Cece being pregnant was that Sarah would be a huge brat and not get along well with Jess.  The girl was definitely peculiar with the eagerness that she wanted to know about sexual activities, but she did seem to like Jess and trust her (until she revealed her big secret).  Usually a kid on a show that has mostly adults is annoying, but I think that Sarah was odd enough that she fit in with Jess and company.  Her best line of all was when she first met Nick and noticed his eyes:

Your eyes are so brown.  They look like poop.

Nick, of course, wasn't even able to shake off a young girl's assessment of himself and consulted his friends whether this was true.  They confirmed that he indeed had a poop-like hue eye color.  Another "great" quality about Nick.

Nick seemed like he may have gotten to the end of his college girl phase after learning that his last girlfriend was 18 and knew Sarah.  She had also had Jess as her substitute teacher once upon a time.  If this doesn't convince him to go back to dating girls his own age, I don't know what else it will take.  You would think dating that girl with the circle scarf would have taught him already.

The thing that I was mostly worried about in this episode was that Cece would have to give birth to a little Schmidt.  Even if I could imagine that the child would be nothing like the father, I just was grossed out by how Schmidt was handling the situation.  His comments about the sex he and Cece have were bad enough, but to have him hanging all over her while talking about how big her breasts were going to get made me reach for the puke bag again.  It's amazing how much I want to push him out of a window, even though he is a sweet and charming guy.  It's just that when he talks about sex he gives us way more information than we want to know.  Thankfully, Cece got her period.  I almost applauded that moment.

I didn't expect Schmidt to try to propose to her, though.  I guess now he is the one who thinks they should get serious and Cece is the one who thinks their relationship should remain strictly physical.  It's funny how a baby scare could flip it like that.  Or at least that's what it looks like.  I don't blame Cece, nor do I think that Schmidt was wrong for thinking that a pregnancy would be the best time for him to strike while the iron was hot.  So far they haven't shown much in common beyond the sex anyhow.  Maybe if they get to a level where they connect on a nonsexual level, I might think that marriage wouldn't look too random for them.

The story about Winston wasn't that great.  It was just nice that Winston seemed to start a friendship with his boss.  He deserves a break when it comes to employment.

My favorite line in the episode was when Jess was talking to Nick before Sarah came:

Please put on some pants.  Everything you say sounds really creepy when you're not wearing pants.

And when did say stuff like her hair looked nice and something about the coffee, he did sound just as creepy as Jess declared.  I dunno why it was okay, though, for him to have pants or really high socks.  What, is he like an old man or something?  Ugh.

Another good line was when Schmidt was pretending to call another girl for the date he had planned for him and Cece.  He had really called Nick and for some reason Nick didn't pick up on what Schmidt was doing:

[Schmidt] You wearing something sexy?
[Nick] Button down and jeans, like always.
[Schmidt] Oh, those jeans sound sexy.
[Nick] Is everything all right?  You want to hang out more, Schmidt?
[Schmidt] You taking care of that toushie for me?

[Nick] I'm not doing like squats or anything.  I'm trying to eat less donuts.
[Schmidt] You still keeping it tight?

I couldn't believe how long it took before Nick was creeped out by what Schmidt was saying.  He was just talking with him almost as if everything Schmidt was saying was nothing unusual.  So awkward, but so wonderful to watch to see how far it could go.

I sensed a little that Jess was remembering a little bit of her attraction toward Nick, but her actions and words make it seem that she's committed to building on her relationship with Russel.  As long as Nick isn't dating some little girl, I can be cool with them not getting any closer any time soon.  However, I'd like the Cece and Schmidt train to take a little break soon--I cant't take another scare like Schmidt becoming a disgusting father as well.  Perhaps he would tone down his sexuality a bit once a baby came along, but since that's not guaranteed, I'm not willing to take the risk.  Schmidt is bad enough as he is now, and as we were told in another episode, he only has down--there is no up with Schmidt.